Chapter 223

. Pat Lawson POV (November 19th 2014) Sometimes things have a way of kicking you when you’re down. Today I was going to learn was that day. “Mr. Lawson…” Dr. Wagner stopped me after Oakley’s session, before heading to speak with Sarah, Amelia and Ben in her office, “I mean no disrespect towards you but I’m not sue what you want your relationship with Oakley to reflect when she leaves here, but I’ll tell you what you’re heading towards,” her eyes wide and serious. “A repeat of this incident which from what I’ve just learned of your daughter won’t end in her version of failure,” Exactly what Grant had told me. “The second outcome you lose her anyways, because I’ve seen Oakley’s test scores, read what teachers have said about her and listened to what she’s saying. I have no doubt that your very intelligent daughter could and will be accepted into any university of her choice, with various scholarships. Take my word for it, you want to fix this chaos before then, if not,” Wagner just shrugged halfheartedly and uncharacteristically of what I was expecting from a therapist, as we stood outside her office. “She’ll leave and cut me out… that’s what you’re saying,” I murmured, watching the backs of Sarah, Ben and Amelia’s head in her office, waiting. “Yes, I’m afraid so… this wasn’t a cry for attention, Oakley isn’t trying to break up your family, she just wants out.” And just when I thought I could forget that Grant didn’t hold his tongue, “Pat, she has valid reasons of what is wrong, stop trying to railroad her into bonding with Sarah. You’ve already made that mistake ma, one minute. That was the – that-” he can’t even finish. But it still has its chosen effect on me, images unwanted of how we found her infiltrate my forethought, wrecking me inside. I hold one palm up, “I’m just not used to Oakley being this way…” I say but not to be judgmental. “This way?” “Talking… saying how she feels…” Wagner pursed her lips glancing at Grant who was gazing at me with an unreadable expression, “I have a feeling she’s always spoke her mind, but you weren’t listening…” Ashamed, I bob my head, “It’s good that she’s talking Mr. Lawson, but try your best to remain calm, non-judgmental or overly critical of what she’s saying. I asked her to come up with ideas about the short term. Realistic changes she can make. Now, it’s up to you to take what she’s told you and adjust your expectations,” I nod tapping, toeing the floor. “Oakley has no interest in Sarah or Amelia, but she isn’t asking you to pick. She doesn’t want to live with them or interact with Sarah’s family. She’s not interested in forming any sort of bond whether it is motherly or friendship based. My advice? Stop shoving it down her throat, all that’s doing is creating more tension, fueling her anger and other destructive emotions. You’re forcing her to stay in the chaos to try something that is obviously not working for her. Please tell me if I’m wrong, but what do you think could be solved by her remaining in your home? To the same environment that brought her here?” she holds one finger up indicating she isn’t finished. “If there were no other options, we would go that route try to find a middle ground but even then, it would just make this road to healing disorderly. So how would you be handling it if she wanted to go to your home?” She had me, Grant and Wagner; even Oakley knew things had already gone to a place where we couldn’t sweep it under the rug. “I hear you. I just don’t see how I can make this work…” I admitted with shame. “And that is fine, a first good step to admitting you need help, but support is being offered, and with that support not just Oakley but your whole family unit should get to sturdier ground… but you can’t expect quick results. It takes time; it can’t be rushed or forced. But when we go in there I have some questions, I’ll need to ask you and the family,” she pointed to her office opening the door, entering; Grant and I shuffling in behind her. “Can I see Oakley?” Ben shot up from his chair as soon as we crossed the threshold. “In a little bit son,” I said softly, and sighed when he deflated and threw himself back on the sofa displeased. Wagner cleared her throat, glancing between Grant and I, “How about we start today off by you guys telling me something small? How you feel? How your day has been going? Anything that’s on your mind about anything?” Still stuck in my head, when no one jumped to go first Grant went, “Well… I’m having a good day. Had a big breakfast,” he pats his flat stomach, “now I’m here. I’m worried about Oakley but would like her to know that I’m here to offer any support she needs, whether it’s sitting in silent company or a listening ear.” “Those are two wonderful things to offer Grant,” Wagner smiled. “How about you Mr. Lawson?” Wagner said putting me on the spot. “It’s tough, I haven’t been there for Oakley the way I should… and now I’m regretting that deeply because she’s hurting because of decisions I’ve made. She’s been sad for a long time and now-” I pause trying to find the right honest words that were appropriate for even my youngest – Ben – to hear. “I want to help Oak, but first changes have to be made and a lot of the changes are going to be to myself, what I want isn’t necessarily what is best for Oakley and it’s not about me, it’s about supporting Oakley so that she gets to a better place. I’m worried about pushing her further a – away.” I finish feeling, nearly mortified at my words, but I look into Ben, Amelia’s and Sarah’s eyes, hating the worry I see there. When I go back to Ben though, and really focus on him, his eyes. The anger I see there, his face a carbon copy of mine, I can see his emotions stewing. His temperament like my own. He’s near ready to explode. Wears his every emotion on his sleeve sometimes, and today it’s looking like he’s ready to wear anger. Wagner nods before turning to the sofa, facing Sarah and the kids. Sarah swallows, “There’s so much I’ve wanted to do and be for Oakley, but I know that I went about it the wrong way. I’d like to apologize because I do care for Oakley, for all three of my children,” Sarah says what she has always – for a while – said and all I can do is wince when for the first time the words, ‘three children,’ from her rubs me the wrong way. It never has before but after just listening to what Oakley had to say… I feel eyes on me and glance up at Grant, realizing he’s been watching this mini moment of mine right now. His blue eyes full of mirth, lips quirked into a knowing smirk. I want to punch that smug look right off his face, but Amelia’s comments catch both our attention.