Chapter 219

They leaned forward to get a glimpse of the picture, “to – to the ocean?” Casey asked carefully like I was out of my mind. “No…” I shook my head, “Lets start from the beginning. You all need to watch this first,” I say signaling Remy to start the video we just watched and we begin the whirlwind process that would keep us from the Elders reach for a while. Hopefully. . . . Oakley (Bumblebee) POV - November 19th 2014 Three days after the prologue Waking up the second time after I spoke to Dad and Uncle Grant was just as disappointing if not worse that the first. I thought back to all what I said, not really stewing or regretting my words, but not any freer or lighthearted either. I’m not sure why, I think it was because I knew nothing was going to be changing regardless of clearing the air and letting the darkness, that filled me go. It was just in there for so long, festering that I didn’t know how else to feel but angry, sad and detached. I’ve felt for so long that it was just me and my shadow during the day and at night I’m at my loneliest, you’ll always have me Oakley, I know you don’t understand now, but we’re going to be okay… I take that back, my shadow, the voices and me. You don’t believe you’re truly crazy… the voice said. Doing what I always do, I ignore it. Or myself. Thinking of alternatives, ‘you’re such a bright girl Oakley, I want you to think of positive things, reachable goals you could set or changes you can make in the short term, for our next session,’ Dr. Wagner told me. Although I’m not sure why, six years in and nothings changed the way I’d like it too, I was trying, so hard for a while I felt just… lifeless. So I think of my options… things I could change right now and start small coming up with a few but still not getting my hopes too high. Sluggish, I dose off before waking up again to find Dad, Uncle Grant and Dr. Wagner in my room waiting for me to wake. Dr. Wagner was different; she seemed less small town hick and more big city kind of girl, wild dark red hair, bright Hazel eyes and her nose was pierced. Since Middleburg – our tiny little town – was gossip central she was also the subject of many hushed conversations. Luckily – un like myself – her hearing was not as great so she didn’t live hearing what I did. “How are you feeling Oakley?” I eyed the bandaged wrist before giving her a tight smile, coupled with a shoulder shrug. “Message received…” she moved to sit at the end of my bed, “I’d like to talk to you about how you’re feeling – how you’ve been feeling? We touched on that subject before and said you needed time to find the right words-” I scrunched my nose and surprisingly she just stopped talking. “What were you thinking as I just said that?” her face kind, opening and welcoming. No harshness or fakeness in her eyes, ‘don’t trust anyone bumblebee.’ I heard reflexively as always and reigned myself in. I eyed Dad and uncle Grant, “Do – would you feel more comfortable if we spoke alone first? Your father and uncle would understand…” she said again, placating and it was like I woke up in an alternate reality of some kind where my feelings, even facial expressions mattered, because Dad nodded encouragingly. I thought back to my options, the different things I could try to change to make things better even though when I got out of here, whenever that was, I’d still have to see a therapist and no matter the option secrets were all counterproductive. “No,” I whispered, “they can both stay…” Dr. Wagner smiled kindly, “Well then, can you tell me what you were thinking?” “I was thinking why it mattered.” “Can you elaborate on that?” I shook my head. “That’s fine, we can touch back later on that. Can you tell me about home?” she asked although this wasn’t the first time, but it was the first time Dad and Uncle Grant would hear my response. “I live with Dad, and my little brother Ben, Sarah and her daughter Amelia.” “In your mind do you believe that you and Sarah get along?” “No, we don’t but I also don’t want to try to anymore either,” be honest, I had to be honest as possible. “Do you have a reason why?” I did, but I couldn’t really say that, ‘well you know, I’ve gotten better hearing and can hear her talking about my mother and myself even when she’s outside and the windows are closed…’ So I once again trimmed my response. “Because I’ll never forget the things she has said or done. Even if I wanted to I can’t,” that was the truth too, I could remember the first time she said something that hurt me. I didn’t have super clear hearing either.