Chapter 213

“You know I love you Bumblebee and I love them-” The machine next to me beeps quicker, “I HATE THEM! I hate everything about them daddy but worst of all I hate everything about myself.” “You tell Amelia that she’s the most beautiful girl in the world because she looks like her momma! You and everyone say how much Ben looks like you! I hate myself daddy, I hate my green eyes, I hate my nose, I hate my face, I hate my brown hair, I hate that I don’t look like them. I wanted to die so I wouldn’t have to see them! I couldn’t do it, I couldn’t wait for two more years so I could go away to school.” “You promised that things would get better, when they settled in, but it hasn’t been better dad. Just worst-” I pant and the door slams open a nurse, my heart hammering in my chest, my hand resting against it, feeling it beat erratically and my lungs felt like they were being squeezed as tears fell. “Mr. Lawson please leave the room,” the nurse does something to the IV and quickly welcomed darkness takes over. . . . Pat Lawson POV (Oakley’s father) I stumbled out of Oakley’s room a broken man, tears in my eyes and Dr. Wagner, the hospital therapist, one of Grants co-workers comes out from the observation room, after watching that disaster occur with a grave expression. Sarah rushes to me instantly, my other brother Marvin two steps behind her, “What happened is she okay?” Sarah cried, her eyes watery and red. I look into her brown eyes, and I see the worry there. I saw the love for Oakley there, but after what Oakley said it left me unsettled, my mistakes clear and I don’t want to hear them from that doctor. “How about we take this into my office?” Dr. Wagner says, not wanting an audience, this is a small hospital, people talk, even though they aren’t supposed too. “As you know, I specialize in various problem areas, one of which is blended families, like your own, except I’d have to say that there is very little blending going on. I don’t listen to rumors but have heard gossip nonetheless so I do know about your situation,” she waves her hand at Sarah and I. She picks up this folded handout giving them to us, ‘Worst Mistakes Stepparents/Blended Families Make.’ “I’ll be honest, I think you’ve made all the mistakes listed there, and then some based on what I just heard from your daughter. Sarah, I know you genuinely care for Oakley, Ben and Pat, but how you handled all this Pat, was just wrong from the get go,” I avoid Grants eyes. He told me that years ago, six in fact and now that unused advice was biting me in the goddamn ass. “You’ve both, along with maybe half this town have gone to the edge in isolating that poor girl. She didn’t try to harm herself Pat, she wanted and set out to kill herself. This was self- harm, but this wasn’t a behavior, it was an option to get out in her eyes. I’ll be blunt, six years of her feeling like this, of these mistakes… I don’t think Oakley and Sarah will have the type of relationship that you and Amelia have grown to have.” “Oakley is a very bright girl-” “What did she say?” Sarah asked interrupting Dr. Wagner, who looked to me for permission, “I have the video feed of what was said, I could play it so we are all the same page?” again leaving that up to me, I nodded. It wasn’t much, 20 minutes but after the room was filled with tension like I’ve never felt before in my life… “You guys might not want to hear this but I’m saying it, you made too many changes at once, yes you took time but you moved into her home Sarah and made changes drastically, which made you feel secure in your home, but that decreased her security in her safe place.” I just nodded, “You went from single parenting to having a partner and changed rules on Oakley when Sarah came along which was something you should’ve done before Amelia and Sarah moved in.” “You told her nothing would change, then that it would get better but it’s only gotten better for Ben, Amelia, Sarah and yourself.” “Sarah, you love his-” “No,” she shook her head vehemently, “They are all our children, I love them all, Oakley, Amelia and Ben,” I gave Dr. Wagner a tight smile.