Chapter 55: Chapter Fifty-Five

Everett

Aubrey and I were still on the sofa, only now, we are lying down. She turns to face me, and I make sure to hold her, so she doesn’t roll off the sofa as she does. Aubrey looks up at me. I smile and stroke the hair from her face. Her beautiful eyes are enough to make any man weak to her knees.

“We can’t keep doing this, Everett.” She whispers.

“I know.”

“Then what do we do? Do we stop being around one another? Because it seems like no matter how hard we fight against it, we end up in the same compromising position. I can’t keep doing this. I am not this kind of person until you came along.”

The best thing for me to do is agree for us to stop being around one another, but it won’t work, not now. I am in too deep, deep enough that I can’t be pulled back out. Aubrey was not supposed to be the woman who made me fall and start feeling things I didn’t want. She was supposed to be sex, forbidden, so how the hell did I get here?

“Is that what you want? Do you want me out of your life? Say the words, and I will disappear, Aubrey. I don’t want you to become someone you are not because of me. I don’t want you to change because you are perfect the way you are.”

God, since when do I say such cheesy, cliché things like that? The woman is ruining me, and she doesn’t even know it.

“Everett, I don’t want that at all, but I can’t keep doing what we are doing. I need more or nothing. I am sorry if that sounds selfish or like an ultimatum, but it is how it needs to be. It has taken a lot for me to let you anywhere close to me, Everett, after everything that happened with Benji. I don’t want to lose myself again or worry about what will happen next. No, I don’t mean you hurting me the same way he did. Please don’t take it as that. I mean, I don’t want to worry if you are going to change your mind or disappear on me again. I refuse to deal with all of that.”

“Aubrey, I don’t know if you and I are a good idea.”

“The choice is yours, Everett. I have said what I needed. You don’t need to give me an answer right now. If I don’t hear from you within the next couple of days, I will know your answer. No pressure. I promise whatever you decide, I will respect it and not get mad.”

Aubrey stands up from the sofa, gathers her scattered clothes and pulls them on.

“You are leaving?” I ask.

“Yes. You need time and space to think. You won’t do that if I am here. I will see you around, Everett or not. I guess I will need to wait and see.”

Aubrey reaches down to kiss me softly before she makes sure she has everything and heads for my front door. I sit, deciding whether to go after her. I try to move, but it’s like I have frozen in time. It takes a minute, but I pull my joggers on and finally go after her, rushing outside. I am too late because she is driving away.

“Fuck!” I shouldn’t have waited.

It is probably a good thing. I can’t jump into it without thinking. The last thing I want is to hurt her because I am thinking with my dick rather than my brain or heart. I will take the time to think as she asked me to. Can I date Aubrey? No, it won’t be dating; it will be more than that. Something I don’t know if I am ready for or even want. I still know without a doubt that Aubrey is way too good for me. And then there is Hugo and Erica to consider, too. There is a lot to consider. I will never forgive myself if I end up hurting Aubrey more than I already have.

Groaning in frustration, I head back inside and go for a shower. I didn’t want her to leave tonight. I would much rather she stayed here the night, but she made up her mind.

I have been pacing my house for the last hour after trying to sleep for two. My thoughts are running wild. But as I have been slowly losing my mind, I have come to realize that I don’t want to lose Aubrey. For me to be with her, I need to get my shit together. I can’t continue with the same behavior, or it will never work. This is a lot for me, a huge step. One I haven’t taken in many years. I can’t promise her I will be good at it, or if it will last, but I can promise to try my best for her.

Grabbing my keys, I rush out of the door. It is late, but if I don’t go and see her tonight, then by morning, there is a chance I will have talked myself out of it. I will call her when I arrive outside her place. It will freak her out if I press her buzzer in the middle of the night. I don’t want to scare her.

I put the radio on to distract me from my thoughts. I arrive outside of Aubrey’s place sooner than I would like. The second I park, panic takes over me. This was a bad idea! I shouldn’t be here! I should have taken more time. I am not ready to go in and pour my heart out. What was I thinking? A man like me doesn’t get a woman like Aubrey. Well, I can, but not in the way she deserves. God, when did I become such a coward? I sigh, run my fingers through my hair and stare up at her apartment. I am surprised to see her light still on unless she keeps it on because she is in the apartment alone.

“Get a grip on yourself.”

I draw in a breath and pick up my cell. With my shaky hand, I find her name in my contacts and tap the call button. It rings a few times, but she answers.

“Everett?” Her tired voice rings through the call. She was asleep.

“I am outside. Can I come in?” My words are shaky due to nerves.

“Yes, of course.”

“Okay,” I reply and hang up.

It takes me a second to find the courage, but I step out of the car and stroll over to the door. With one last deep breath, I hit her apartment number. The second I step into her apartment, everything is going to change.