Chapter 35

A Place For Us.

Jason:

After apologizing to Clarissa and setting things right, I felt better again, although there was still lingering guilt.

I let Clarissa take care of my grandma again and also increased her pay as I had promised to. I also ordered that she have her living premises refurnished, and after much reluctance on her part, she finally let the man I sent to work on her home do his work. I needed her to live as comfortably as possible. She had sacrificed so much for the sake of my grandma and even let herself be trampled upon.

When my grandma had finally recovered and been discharged from the hospital, in the euphoria of the moment, I allowed her to be for a night before I sat her down and played all the videos Elijah had played for me to her and watched as the guilt spread across her eyes.

“What are these, ma?” I asked her,

“Jason, I,” she stuttered.

“I didn’t mean to, Jason,” she began.

“I know you did, but the point is that you did—you’ve treated a full-grown woman like an animal all this time, and she was patient and kind enough to tolerate all of it.”

“Ma, I know your illness frustrates you and you miss your younger years, but that doesn’t mean you should spite those that are still young. If you love them, they will love you too; they are not monsters or animals, as you call them.” I continued, and Grandma listened, her eyes moistened by recognition and regret. I took her palms in mine and rubbed the back of them with my hands. I wanted her to know that no one was against her, and if anyone was, it would never be me—II would stand by her to the end of the earth.

As the days passed, I found myself drawn to Clarissa more than ever before. I could not help it, so I found myself in her house quite frequently with the excuse of coming to oversee the refurnishing of her home, and when the refurnishing was over, I would look for reasons to meet with her and just talk about anything and everything, and she seemed to love the company as much as I did, so we focused on getting to know each other.

Clarissa and I spent more time together as she continued to care for my grandmother. We laughed, we talked, and I knew her favorite colors were blue and turquoise. She loved listening to soft music, and sometimes when Ma would fall asleep, we would sit all sunset listening to songs.

I did tell myself that it was nothing more than talking and listening to songs, yet I couldn’t deny the internal struggle I faced. I was torn between my growing feelings for Clarissa and my sense of duty to my grandmother. She had been the pillar of my life for so long, and I couldn’t bear the thought of disappointing her by pursuing a relationship with her caregiver.

Clarissa.

I couldn’t believe the change in Jason. He had always been kind, but now he was opening up to me in ways I never expected. I saw the weight he carried on his shoulders and the guilt he harbored, and I couldn’t help but want to be there for him. I found myself drawn to him like a moth to a flame, unable to resist the attraction that bloomed between us.

Yet, as he drew closer to me, I tried my best to know my place in his life so I would not end up overstepping my boundaries. I was his grandmother’s caregiver, and pursuing anything beyond a professional relationship seemed impractical and inappropriate. Besides, I had always prided myself on my professionalism and my ability to separate personal and professional matters. I kept reminding myself of all the hurt that trusting a man had caused me. My past haunted me so much that at times, in the middle of our conversations, I would become impenetrable and cold. And all his words and laughter would fall on deaf ears and a numb heart. In moments like that, I felt guilty as he tried to thaw me.

I kept telling myself that it was all nothing, but every time our eyes met or our hands brushed accidentally, I felt a spark that sent shivers down my spine. I saw the way he cared for his grandmother and the love he had for her, and it only made me admire him more. I couldn’t deny the pull I felt toward him, but I knew that crossing that line could complicate everything.

One evening, after putting his grandmother to bed, Jason and I found ourselves sitting together on the porch. The moon cast a soft glow around us, and the silence between us was both comforting and nerve-wracking.

Apart from the unsettled feelings between both of us, there was something that troubled me that I felt he could help me out with—wwith his influence as an Alpha.

“Um Jason?” I began,

“Yeah?” he answered.

*Before I leave today, there’s something really important I want to discuss with you… I continued.

“I have something to tell you too, but you go first.” He added that a line was on his forehead, a sign that he was concentrated or maybe nervous about what was to come.

“I have discussed this with Jericho previously, but I thought the plans would proceed faster with your influence.” I was becoming nervous and started to fiddle with my fingers, then Jason placed his hands on my shoulders and looked into my eyes, sending fresh shivers down my spine. Lord knows I was trying my best not to forget all I wanted to say and pull him in for a kiss there and then.

“Clarissa, you can tell me anything at all; I’m always here to listen.”

I brushed his hands gently off my shoulders so I could concentrate.

Jason.

“I want us to create a pack, and I’ll need your help. I mean a pack for people like me, the lost ones. I want us to belong somewhere.” Clarissa said, and my hopes went crashing down,

“What’s wrong, Jason? Did I say something wrong?” she asked, noticing the disappointment on my face.

“No, you said nothing wrong at all. It’s just not exactly what I was expecting. “ I replied and leaned on the balcony, thinking of what to say to her.

“Um Clarissa?”

“Yeah?”

“I would need some time to think about this first.”

“Alright, but what did you have to tell me?” She asked, raising an eyebrow.

“Never mind. It’s nothing important.” My heart was sunken; I had almost told her how I felt.