Chapter 71

I had spent most of my day gardening alongside Callen. From the moment we started slowly more and more veterans began joining, their roles divided depending on what Olander saw fit. We ate together and spoke about what their favorites experiences had been when serving in Faljketijn as well as from they had learned from those experiences.

Most of the people who worked in these crops had served for many years, even though they were always quick to inform me that their working time was different to the one Arsen did, as they tend to work during a specific season every year. This was due to the intense work that you did while actively serving the Faljketijn as well as the specialization of the warriors to specific creatures that appeared during different seasons.

Regardless, it was clear that Faljketijn had been a very educational experience in many ways, teaching the warriors ways to adapt to real-life problems and how to overcome them. They understood the benefit of fear and the resilience that they had over the years gotten against panic. Nonetheless, it was clear to see how even after everything and how at peaced they seemed to be with those years, there were a lot of bruises that had been left unattended for too long and now they continued to hurt.

As we spoke, I could see how they slowly began opening up more and more to me, finding new levels into their emotions the next times they spoke about one of their many stories. It eased them some of that pain to be able to trust me with that information while it eased me to know that some day Arsen would open up to me, the same way these incredible warriors had done today.

However, my day working with them came to an end as I rushed back home to change into my training clothes. Remembering Lia’s advice, I put on some tight black clothes and quickly ran to the training facility to be met with a not-so-nice face: Alexis.

She laughs, “you’re already sweating? Seriously?”

“I had to sprint all the way here,” I felt the need to explain myself.

“And that is supposed to count as an excuse?” She wondered.

“I- I mean, if you are truly sprinting, one would think it is, no?” I tried matching her snarkiness yet I sounded doubtful. I wasn’t doubting myself but it sounded like it and the thought that perhaps I wasn’t as sure of myself as I thought swept into me.

“Aelin!”

I ran towards the trainer.

“Yes, sorry,” I say once I make it right next to him.

“I want you training today like you actually mean it. Alpha Arsen is now gone, show me you’re capable of something and aren’t just his mate,” he pushes me.

I would say he was trying to encourage me but his words, knowing that I have been fighting and training as hard as I could all this time, mixed with his degrading tone made me feel as though I wasn’t good enough. I wanted to be good enough and I was sure, one day I would be, I just needed some time.

“Okay! Everyone, once again get yourself in pairs we’ll start warming up!”

Alexis came over to me. “I’m your partner,” she told me, given me no say in the decision.

Alexis was a great fighter and perhaps pairing myself with her, I would get better and if I got her respect, I would get many other people’s respect here as well.

We warmed up and quickly we started with some easy fighting. Reggo came over to us.

“I’m glad you’ve paired up with Alexis, Aelin,” he complimented me. “But it serves you of no purpose if Alexis plays nice. So, I want you to fight each other. I want to see two stages: the first one, Alexis, give Aelin some free rein to show off her moves, see what she can do, the second one,” hi eye lid came slightly down as he showed me no mercy in those grey eyes, “go ham on her.”

Alexis smiled a slightly crooked smile that let me know I was in trouble. I exhaled slowly through my mouth.

We can do this, Aelin. We can do this. I told myself in my head as I jumped up and down to warm up my muscles and give my brain the false sense of confidence.

“Aelin, when you’re ready,” Reggo let me know.

It pissed me off how we were waiting for me to be ready and not Alexis. I understood she was better and would obviously beat me, yet it still felt degrading to only ask me.

“Ready.” I kept my words short.

“Ladies,” he looked between the two of us, “fight!”

*

“Enough, please, enough!” I shouted on top of my lungs.

I had tapped out multiple times before, yet Alexis hold on my leg as she threatened to twist it and break my knee didn’t seem to get any loser. Alexis finally let go with a laugh.

“So pathetic,” she laughed. “Enough, please, enough!” She mocked me, making the rest of her friends laugh alongside her.

My face was a burning red as I tried to catch my breath. Once I could use my lef again I made my way over to Reggo. My face red, but this time not from effort and exhaustion but rather anger.

“I don’t want to ever again have to cry out for help after tapping out. I am Luna to this pack, treat me with the given respect,” I told him off, tired of the games some of these warriors had been playing with me.

“Or what? You’re gonna go crying back to the Alpha? Make sure he saves you from us?” He mocks me.

I stood still in shock. How dare he? I couldn’t believe it as he didn’t back down.

“What if I do? For all I know, I’ll get kisses from him and I don’t even want to know what he’ll do to you,” he didn’t back down. He rose his eyebrows up in what appeared as a display of confidence. His smugness calling m a bluff.

“I don’t know how long this mate thing will last, but one day it’ll wear off and if you want to remain Arsen’s Luna, you have to start being one. Not whatever this pity act you have going on,” he lectured me. “If by the next time Arsen sees you, he sees no massive improvement in you, do you genuinely think he won’t start looking for your substitute?”

“Arsen won’t reject me,” I argued.

“No,” he chuckled, “but he’ll keep you his mistress while he builds an actual future for himself and this pack with someone else.” He finished.

He turned around and began walking away from me. Three steps and he stopped, looked back and with that same smug look as before, he added, “who knows? Alexis is still unmated.”

With a tone almost humorous as though he was finding this whole situation funny while I shivered with anxiety, he turned back around and walked away. This time without stopping.

I turned around myself and walked back to the house. Darya was nice enough to receive me as soon as I entered the door, excited to get me started into all the cool stuff that I had done now that Arsen was away.

I didn’t feel like talking.

She didn’t press for information. I had exhausted myself too much today, perhaps even Arsen leaving having an effect on me. Either way, she didn’t piece together the pieces, that perhaps I wasn’t welcomed here. Well, not just that, I wasn’t welcome in the North and what was worst was that I was supposed to be Luna.

I took a last peak at Darya as I went up the stairs, wondering to myself if she saw the same thing Reggo saw in me. I was distraught to find that she most likely did, and out of everyone I felt as though she would be the one to value me the most. What did someone like Lia or Cullen think of me? All they knew was war, was being a warrior, excelling at fighting and protecting. Did they see me as a burden? Was Arsen’s mother and former Luna an amazing warrior? Most likely, yes. I was the exception to that rule and I had failed to meet this pack’s requirements so horribly.

I sat on my bed, clothes still sweaty. I had, beyond all, failed Arsen, who fought to bring me here to only find that his mate wasn’t even capable of shifting. That she was unpure, that she had been taken advantage of and was undeniably at fault of every last bit of what had happened to her. Should’ve been smarter. Should’ve been stronger. Should’ve been faster. Slowly, the idea of leaving this pack for good, letting Arsen go find a worthy Luna and stopping what could end up in a massive war sounded less and less like a dumb idea and more like an actual cohesive plan of action.