Chapter 90
AMELIA
The next day, I received a bouquet of roses, though, and I burned it to ashes when the initial on the card was L instead of R. He probably expected to meet me tonight.
I still couldn’t get him out of my head even before going to bed. I didn’t know why. My stomach twisted in knots, but every time I thought of his face, it made my heart flutter.
Another beautiful morning. I supposed it was another beautiful morning, bright sun streaming through the opened curtain window, blue clear sky, and another breakfast I missed— intended to miss if I were to be honest.
I ghosted everyone because I couldn’t even look them in the eye. I couldn’t even look Ryden in the eye without feeling the knife sink and twist in my chest.
It was the guilt that taunted me from stabbing him and meeting a man behind his back. I mean, who stabbed a mate twice? The reason may be valid, but the trauma was real. And it broke my heart thinking that it left me no other way to save him.
The word save seemed absurd considering I put him in the infirmary and almost killed him. And I watched him bleed. I knew people would say I was too hard on myself, but the truth was, the easier he forgave me, the harder the forgiveness I could give to myself.
I stopped brushing my hair when my phone rang. It was from another unknown number. I rejected the call, and a new message popped up.
YOU DIDN’T SHOW UP. L
“Creepy.” I shouldn’t ask how did he get this number. A man like him with unlimited resources wouldn’t be so hard to find my address and phone number.
I felt someone was behind the door. Then knock followed.
“Kailin.” I was surprised to see her. Maybe I was expecting someone else instead of her, but I would have known if it was him. “What are you doing here?”
“Can I come in?”
“Of course.” I widened the door, gesturing for her to come inside.
“Thanks.”
“Is everything okay?” I shut the door and watched her look around at the four corners of one of the pack house rooms. This was Ryden’s old room, the only one that had its own bath, which I was grateful for, that I didn’t have to wait and line up with the others.
“Yes. How are you doing?”
I picked up the brush and continued brushing my hair. “Same, I guess.”
“You should forgive yourself, Amelia. He didn’t even blame you.”
I sighed. “That’s the most painful part. He didn’t blame me. When he tried to kiss me, I flinched and withdrew. I couldn’t forget the look in his eyes, and it broke me.”
“Hey.” She sat next to me in bed. “You were traumatized, Amelia. You just—”
“You can say it.”
“You did what it must be done and saved him in the end. That’s what matters.”
“Would you do it if we couldn’t help Dane?”
She looked down and shook her head. “I’m not as strong as you. I can’t. Maybe I just cried and waited until the wraith was done with him. I don’t know. I admire you for making the bold move. No one could have done it to save her mate. You’re stronger than you give yourself credit for. It’s time to heal, Amelia.”
I shut my eyes briefly and looked her in the eye. “That son of a bitch demon got into my head. The way it looks at me? He had Ryden’s face, yet I knew it wasn’t my mate. Imagine stabbing him. I blocked my emotions, I locked it somewhere, yet it still broke me.” I wiped my tears, I didn’t know they were already there. “That image is still fresh in my head.”
“I should tell you to give yourself some time, but Ryden needs you. I’m sure your wolf needs him, and right now, we all need each other. We just lost our last lead. Alec is gone. Maybe not gone, but according to Zarah, Samarah did a bang-up job keeping Alec under the radar.”
“I feel like I’m the worst mate and Luna of this pack.” I sighed. “I’m terrible, Kailin.”
She smiled. “Well, we all have our ups and downs. Do you know how I first met Dane?”
“You rejected him?”
She laughed. “Yeah, because of what he does for a living, and he was so cold at that time, but Nirvana was there for me. She told me if I hated Dane so much, she ordered me to reject him in front of her.”
“Wow.” I chuckled.
“Yup. That’s my best friend.”
“Thank you for sticking up here for a while.”
“Well, there’s no thrill right now at the vineyards, and Dane never leaves a job unfinished. And I kinda enjoy here including the mate drama.”
I laughed. For the first time in five days, I heard myself laugh, and it even sounded strange in my ears.
“Please, just come down. I know Ryden is giving you space as much as you want, but we both know we still have a lot of things to do. The Sphalerite is arriving this afternoon. Ryden sent Califf and Knight their shares days ago. Guston got his share, too. Ryden let them decide however they want to use it.”
“Thanks for telling me. I missed a lot I guess, and I think it’s time I should do my duty diligently.”
“No one blames you, Amelia. In fact, everyone praises you for your bravery.”
I changed into some clean decent clothes after Kailin left. It felt strange and it felt like I was reorienting myself in the pack house again.
For five days, the Renovation was done, replacing broken furniture and walls. What surprised me was the infirmary. It was impressive with new modern medical equipment.
“You think you’re some kind of hero?”
I turned around. Ava was glaring at me. I didn’t come down here to fight, and she should have shown a little respect to me as their luna. Instead, I smiled and walked away.
“Hey, I’m talking to you!” She grabbed me by my elbow.
“Get your hand off of me, Ava. If you can’t respect me as a member of this pack, then as your luna.”
“You’re not—”
“Hey! Ava, that’s enough!” Eliza just came out of nowhere. It was a good thing the living room was empty. I wondered where did the boys go. “Forgive her, Luna. She still blamed you for what happened to Alpha Ryden.”
I exhaled loudly. “Well, she’s not alone, Eliza. I’m still blaming myself for what I did, but I did what I thought was necessary at that time. Under different circumstances, I would never hurt my mate. You all should know that. Since we still have a lot of things to do and enemies to find, I will let this one slide.” I looked at Ava. “If you ever raise your voice at me again and attack me, make sure you carry an extinguisher with you.” Or a liquid nitrogen. I smiled before I headed out.
“Oh, best friend.” Theia ran in my direction and hugged me tight. “Thank the goddess you’re done moping.”
“Shut up. Where’s Ren?”
“Come. I’ll take you to him.” She grabbed my hand and dragged me to the backyard.
“I know the way, Theia.”
“I just missed you, Am. You know, I always wanted to come to your room, but Ren and Alpha told me to give you some space.”
“It was boring. I slept and played games on my phone all the time. I just thought that you and Ren had left and—” My brain went blank as my gaze landed on the two important people in my life.
“It’s his way to blow off some steam and divert his mind from you, thinking that you might abandon him for good. He was so worried. I could even feel his struggle, Amelia. He wasn’t himself since you locked yourself up in that tiny room. You should be grateful we’re here.”
“Shut up.” I couldn’t take my eyes off of Ryden. “He learned that in four days?”
“Three days, actually. He was healing before that,” Theia said proudly.
“Wow. He made a lot of improvements.” I could see now the elegance in his moves. It was graceful, and I didn’t see the fear every time Ren struck him.
“Well, getting stabbed by your mate gives you a lot of perspective, Amelia.”
When I looked at her about to say something, I changed my mind. Theia was being Theia, grinning at me.
I rolled my eyes and watched Ren and Ryden train with swords.
They had the audience, too, hence the living room was empty. All the boys were watching their alpha with pride.
Then my world stopped spinning. My heart skipped a beat as our gazes locked.