Chapter 49

My feet hurt by the time I make it home, and once I do, I immediately change the passcode. I had been meaning to do this anyway for months now; even though the reason behind doing it in the first place eventually became redundant. "Des—are you okay?" My brother asks when he sees my agitated face. "The passcode is Podo's birthday now," I simply say as I toss my purse on the table rather abruptly and shake my heels off. "Wait, what happened?" He gets up from his seat, cautiously approaching me. "Nothing," I mutter. He grabs me by the shoulders and stares at my red face, which I'm sure has black mascara running down in. "Did Jaewook do something?" "I don't want to talk about it," I stare up at him with deadly eyes, but he is my brother after all—he saw me minutes after I came out of the damn womb. "Tell me." My sigh causes my body to fall limp, tired of the exertion it went through to come back home so hurriedly. "I've become a boring girlfriend and Jaewook has no desire to chase me anymore. I've become someone I hate." "What? That's not true." "Yes, it is." "No, no it isn't. Who is it that constantly comes to our house without an invite?" I grit my teeth instead of answering. "Who is the one that always texts you first?" "This isn't the point." "No Destiny, it is. Maybe you've let down your guard with him but I can tell you that my sister will never be a clingy girlfriend who can't give a guy space. Hell, from my perspective he's the one that doesn't give you space. I feel like I need to clean up my products in the bathroom to make room for his at this point." "Then I don't know what's wrong, and I'd rather blame myself then blame him," I say frustratingly, hitting my arms against my sides when I finish talking. "It's your birthday, any person—no matter how shitty—is expected to treat the birthday person like royalty." "Says the one who left their dirty dishes out this morning for me to clean," I mumble as I roll my eyes. "Hey! I-I'm sorry about that..." he mutters. "Look, I don't know what he did but I will hurt him if need be. It's your damn birthday for Christ's sake." The disappointment I feel creeps up my spine again. I thought I'd be home with him now, in his arms, and the fact that I'm not hurts more than I thought it would. "I don't want to talk about this anymore," I mumble as I try to blink my tears away. "Wait—" Zen pulls me into an uncharacteristic hug. Just like that, I begin to cry profusely. He is my brother, he's seen me at my worst, he might as well see me cry pathetically. Repetitions of "why" are the only things I can mutter through my ugly sobs. I don't cry like this often—even Jaewook hasn't seen me cry this way before. But it feels much needed right now. My breath gets caught in my throat when we hear someone try to open the door. When it doesn't work, they knock on the door. Jaewook's muted voice can be heard. Zen tightens his hold on me as I start to choke on my sobs, stopping me from heading to the door. "No, you need time to yourself right now," he scolds me, sounding much like our father now. Something I can imagine to be similar to a strangled goose sound leaves my mouth as I look at him with a pained face. "Go to your room." "Mng," I shake my head. "Go," he says very sternly. He reminds me of being a child, when he would have to take care of me alone when my parents were at work. While only a year older than me, he always had to act much older in order to take care of us. Like I would back then, I obediently head to my room. I hear the front door open and close. Then silence. Zen went outside and I can only hope no one ends up hurt. I stay curled up in a ball in my room while he's gone, my eyes zoned out on the jacket on my chair—his jacket. My eyes blink when the door shuts. I expect Zen to come see me right away, but he doesn't. I can't help but think the worst happened and sit with my head on my knees. I think about what happened and wonder how it got so out of hand. How did his mood change so drastically? It just doesn't make sense. Why wouldn't he talk to me? After a while, Zen enters my room. In his hands is a small plate with a cupcake on it. He closes the lights and the lit candle flickers in the dark. He begins to sing happy birthday very unenthusiastically. "Happy birthday Jooie," he says, using his childhood nickname for me as he ruffles my hair with his free hand. "Thanks," I softly mutter before blowing out the candle. "Did you make a wish?" He asks as he turns the lights back on. I simply nod. I wished for us to go back to before. He sits beside me on my bed as I slowly eat the cupcake. I can't help but compare it to the one Jaewook bought me on his first day of work, and that just makes me even more depressed. "I talked to him for a bit." I immediately look up at him with round eyes. "You didn't hurt him, did you?" "No, relax. He didn't tell me what happened but he said to tell you he's sorry." I pick at the cupcake, staring at the baby blue icing. "Don't let it get you down so much. I'm sure it'll resolve itself eventually, one way or another." Yeah, but I'm worried about the way it will resolve itself. "Goodnight. Sleep in tomorrow and binge watch your favourite show or something." "Alright, thanks." "See, I'm not all bad all the time." I can't help but roll my eyes as I push the now empty plate into his hands. "Sure." As much as I try not to, I end up listening carefully for any noise for most of the night. With the sheets pulled up to my shoulders, eyes open and looking up at the ceiling, I periodically stop breathing. But I hear nothing, not one thing, which is unusual. Usually, I can hear the chair move against the floor, or the closing of his mini fridge, and definitely the squeak of his bed when he carelessly falls onto it. But now all I hear is dead silence. This should make it easier for me to fall asleep, but it doesn't. . . . Day three, and nothing. Not a sound comes from his room in three days, and it begins to drive me crazy. It even drives me to cave in and ring their bell one morning, expecting at least his mother to be home. But no one answers, and again, no noise comes from behind the door. So I end up back in my room, very confused about what's happening. And then my brain starts to go haywire, coming up with all the logical and illogical possibilities of the situation. And right now, it's set on the idea that they've moved out. But so suddenly? And without notice? He wouldn't not tell me. It just doesn't add up. Thanks to this, I haven't been able to focus well enough on my coursework, which is a problem since exams are approaching. Even my shift at the karaoke bar yesterday brought back unwanted memories of him. Three days and I'm already so lost without him. How did this happen? When did I fall so helplessly in love with him? I hate you Im Jaewook, I hate you and everything you've done to me. Next time we meet I'm letting you have it. I accidentally snap my pencil in half as these frustrated thoughts materialize. I stare at it. And just then, I hear noises. The closing of a door, the thump of something being thrown, the squeak of something heavy falling onto a bed. I feel frozen in place, my ears straining to catch every single muted sound it can. And then it rings—angelic, airy—his voice. Like an unclear voice in a dream, beckoning at me to follow it, it travels between the wall separating us. "Noona." ...