Chapter 15

I feel more at peace with myself ever since confronting Jaewook. Now that he knows that I won't put up with his games, things feel better. We haven't spoken since—it's been a few days now—and while I can't help but be a bit disappointed that he didn't make an effort to prove me wrong, at the same time it's probably for the best. My father has come by, but since there's no room for him to sleep in he has booked a nearby hotel. "So how's my little rockstar doing?" He asks while ruffling my hair. He looks good, despite his strange taste in fashion lately. He's really assimilated into Japanese street culture and it's showing through his interesting clothing choices. "Don't call me that anymore dad," I mumble. "Aw but you wanted to be a rockstar like your dad when you were little." "Can you really imagine me being in a band? Have you heard me sing lately?" "Yeah, you're right." "She sounds like a dying cow," my brother pipes in. "How's school been? Are you keeping up your grades?" "Yeah well I have to or else my scholarship gets taken away." He ruffles my hair again and I groan. "I'm so proud of you Des. But you are taking time to relax too right? You remember what I taught you about meditating right? I've been having some strange dreams lately with you in them." "Yeah, yeah, I'm fine dad." My dad's a huge fan of meditation, psychoanalysis, and stopping to smell the roses. He's the most chill person I know, and often speaks in tongues when he gets in a 'healing mood.' My brother's name isn't Zen and mine Destiny for no reason. "Well I got you something from Japan," he says as he digs through his duffle bag. He pulls out some contraption. It has Japanese written all over it and weird photos of a girl on the front. "Uh... what the heck is this," I say while holding it out in front of me. "It's a self-massager. Look," he takes it out of the plastic and reveals a tong-like blue contraption. He wraps it around his neck and moves it around. "Ahh~" he sighs as if it's the nicest thing in the world. "You can use it on your legs too," he demonstrates for me. I snort in laughter when I remember my pulled hamstring, which while mostly healed, is still sore. "I guess it could be useful after all. Thanks dad." . . . I've been in my room studying for so long—as usual—that I have no recollection of the last time I ate, and I even don't know whether it's day or night. My playlist of soft and smooth songs has been on loop so much that I don't even hear it anymore; it's just white noise. A knock on the door interrupts my focus. I get up, taking this opportunity to stretch my legs. I open the door, expecting my brother, but instead two round black eyes look back at me. I stare at him for too long, silence engulfing us as I try to reason why he would possibly be here. That idiot brother never changed the damn passcode, I forgot that Jaewook knows it. "Wh—" is all I am able to get out before his arms wrap around my waist and his lips connect with mine. My eyes feel as though they could pop out from my eye sockets as we walk back enough so that he can close the door. His lips continuously massage over mine, soft smacking noises taking over the silence that was there. I let him hold onto me, take control of me, as he flips position and pushes me softly against the wall. I try to leave his mouth to get air but he just eats up the breath I was going to take, making me gasp into his mouth and clench his shirt. I don't even know why this is happening, what possessed him to come to my door at this hour—whatever hour this is. But I just let it happen, I let this boy who is so clearly enamoured by me get what he wants. And I'd be lying if I said there was no part of me that wanted it to. Because there sure is. Finally his lips begin to part mine, the humidity of the kiss causing our lips to stick together for a moment. With his head still tilted in front of mine, breaths hitting my mouth, he finally speaks. "I like you." And it takes everything in me to not squeal like a little girl. Why is it that none of the college guys I dated were this passionate, this hungry, this enraptured? To overwhelm me with such a heavy kiss just to say a simple sentence after we can't go on any longer, is simply astounding. As much as it hurts to admit, right now Jaewook is the hottest guy I have ever seen. And my eyes confirm this thought as they take in his face. His expression is so calm, so serious, his eyes dark and heavy lidded, his lips a deep pink colour and swollen, his smooth skin dewy, his body tense as it presses against mine. He's hot as hell. I become so bewitched by the younger boy's spell that the words "I like you too" leave my mouth with no hesitation. The gasp that proceeds after as I shockingly realize what I said causes one corner of his mouth to rise. Then his head moves over my shoulder, his arms embracing me in an intimate hold. He begins to slowly move his feet, and mine follow his slight movements. We're slow-dancing now, in my room, to the soft music playing in the background. With my head against shoulder, I stare at my surroundings, mouth open in disbelief. "I like you a lot." His voice rumbles, vibrations carrying to my ears. "Sorry it took so long to say it. I just don't know how to act around you—you make me so nervous sometimes. Everything I did—everything I'm doing—is because I'm fascinated with you. I want you." This is the most romantic thing that has ever happened to me. And it's happening in my room? At—I look at the digital clock on my bedside—at midnight? The most romantic date my last guy gave me was a steak dinner. Who knew I didn't need to leave my room to have my heart pound this hard and my head swirl with the incoherent feelings? A soft laugh leaves my mouth accidentally. His head turns against me. "Are you laughing?" "I just," I laugh a bit more, "I just can't believe this right now. I feel like I'm floating on a cloud. Like I'm in a dream." He stops moving his feet and holds onto my jaw. His passionate kiss takes the laugh right out of my mouth. I moan from being caught off guard and scramble for air. "This isn't a dream," he breathlessly says while looking at my lips. When his eyes move up to gaze at my own, I feel something in my stomach; a sudden feeling of weight pushing down on me, like it's grounding me. Holy cow, I really actually genuinely like him. A lot. A word that I've never said before leaves my mouth in a breathless whisper. "Shit."