“But you are a God. You should not have let them cast the magic and let me die.”
“There is a reason why I can not help it.” She reasoned out.
“Then who were the people sent me back?” I asked her.
She flashed a sad smile and walked slowly towards me. I suddenly felt sad linger in my chest when I saw the smile I could not name on her lips.
When she finally reached my place, she held some long strands of my hair that was fluttering in nowhere. She slid her fingers on them with her eyes closed.
“Why do you think everyone sacrificed for you…?” she asked with a pause before she opened her eyes.
Because they love me… That I regret for not noticing it earlier…
“Why do you think Caleidon did not love you back…?” She bent to my level with sophisticity while holding the strands of my hair.
Because of my impudence and his love to the small Kingdom’s Princess they conquered and imprisoned…
“…Or did you really loved that man…?” my breath hitched on her assumption and a lump formed on my throat. She took my hair strands close to her lips and once again, she closed her eyes once again.
I…
“You know, My Lady, your sadness was everyone’s sadness. Your agony was their agony. Your grief was also everyone’s grief and still in the end, in the last minute of your life, your suffering was also one’s suffering. Do you know who were those who silently suffered because of you?” she asked in a whisper, just enough for me to hear. Her lips were giving light kisses to my hair while staring at me.
I want to take a step back from her but I could not. I felt like I was glued to my place and could not move a single limb. The only thing I was able to do was to stare at her and swallowed the lump on my throat.
I know… I know everyone single soul who suffered because of me…
I tried to ignore the fact of the past. I ignored them because of my selfishness and pride.
How could I forget those number of people who bargained their life to death for my sake?
How could I forget them, whose name was tarnished for my name?
How could I forget those persons who showed me love but I chose not to notice?
“You should not have died Maxine, You should not have made yourself believe you love someone. You should not have turned your way. You should have stayed. You should have refused. You should have listened. You should have believe.” She chanted. It was like she was stating all my sins I could not confess myself.
She stood up straight and stared at me but I could not get myself to look at her.
I was ashamed to my myself. It was no doubt, she was truly a God. A God who blurted out the mistakes I have done until but I never able to confess even just to myself.
She then, leaned closer to my ears and whispered something that made me froze.
“I wonder if you still remember…”
I totally froze on my spot on the things she just whispered. I heard her loud and clear that made me even more guilty.
I was speechless, unable to reply nothing because… she was all right.
“Anyways…” she then took three steps backward and smiled at me gently.
“Guess where the soul of your current body have gone?” she asked. I was puzzled on her question and tried to fix myself up, decuded not to bother myself too much on her whispers.
Is not this my own body?
She could be a mind reader if she want to but did not because obviously, she could read one’s obvious expressions. My expressions.
“Of course, every vessels have souls even if it was a young you or older. Even if you say that you have the same soul. In different time and space and oh, also include dimension, there were similar souls. The young soul living in that body of yours was transferred in different dimension and vessel, because you took over that young body.” She explained.
“The vessel of the soul your young soul took over was also traveled in different space, time and dimension. It is a chain reaction. The soul ripped from its vessel would be transferred to another compatible vessel but in the end, one soul who could not find suitable vessel for its have to die in order to stop the cycle.” She added.
One soul would die… Because of me… Because of the wrong way and time I died, for going back in the past and for stealing my young soul’s vessel.
“The life will sue. People who should not die would die in the stead of others and would be reincarnated on the life the people who must and should have died but did not. Someone who should not be born would born and someone who should have born instead, would not. You see, the twin destiny and fate had changed and everything is in a turmoil just because you went back time.”
I had a hard time listening to her. I felt like my head would burst out open because of too much confusion. All I understood was because I screwed up.
“But if you really died in the wrong way and time, and no one used a black magic to send your soul into the past, your soul will die because there is still no compatible vessel ready for you to take on. You would not be reincarnated and that should not happen. Never. That is a no because it will be our loss.” She explained in a way I still could not understand. So, I really should not have died because…
“If a soul would still die in the end of process, you should have let my soul die.” I told her while pointing to myself but she shook her head in disagreement.
“Your soul is one of the important souls that must not die in any case. Letting a soul die is a big problem but letting your soul die will be the biggest problem. So, even if I could stop you not to go in the past, I would not dare.”
“Your fate was to live long until 70, without ‘HIM’, without anyone on your side and find a solution but instead, YOU turned your back and walked on the wrong path, chose to forget, made a make-believe to your self, hoping you can run away. In the end, your fate ended up in Caleidon’s hands. It is an error, Maxine. It is.” She said in dismay. This time, I understood her words because I was all aware on what she wants to say.
“Now, your past with Caleidon which is your future and your past that is currently your present contradicts. Your current time in the past were still moving forward while you already started to make a move to change your future fate. It became complicated.”
She closed her eyes and heaved a deep sigh before looking back at me. She looked tired and I also felt tired despite that it was just a dream. My head hurts from all of her explaining.
I felt guilty. I messed with her space and time. I messed with many lives. I brought death and made someone who should die live longer instead and let someone that musn not be born, born.
“What is this? Two same stories but different fates and destinies?” that question was not meant for me but for herself. It was like as if she just came to a conclusion to herself. Her expression seems wanted to chuckle on the thing she found out.
Two same stories…but different fates…and destinies…
“Ha. What was done was done. This time, you should stay alive until 70 and prevent yourself from dying again. Moreover, to Caleidon’s hands who already proven hiself that he can kill you again or else the God of All will personally come to snap you.”
“Do you know why there is a word called ‘black’, ‘dark’ or ‘forbidden’ magic?” she asked me. I think, I already know what she wants to say.
“Because it is evil?” I answered hesitantly.
“Almost. But the truth is, it exists and called like that because it oppose, interfere, distub and destroy the natural way and flow of life which is an evil thing to do.” She explained and suddenly looked above us as if she heard something or someone.
She looked at me for the last time and smiled before I noticed that I was glowing and I was slowly fading away to nothingness.
“You should not stay here for any longer. Go back to your world. Many people are waiting for your return. Nice seeing you…” she said in finale voice. My mouth opened and was about to say something when she uttered something that made me stopped.
“…again, favorite child of the God and savior of all Graces.”
I just looked at her beatiful smiling face until I…