“I know it’s hard but it’s important that you don’t fight us right now. We’re just trying to help you. You’re in a really difficult situation being in a new territory with leadership you don’t know or understand. I get it. I really do. Is there anything we can do that will help you relax?”
“Xanax.”
“You take a sedative when in the hospital?”
I nod slowly as I attempt to reach for the mask.
“Let me put the mask on you. I promise it will help you.”
I shake my head trying to get away as he brings it close again. He lets go of my hand as my wheezing worsens from the stress, gently placing it on the back of my head while finally placing the mask on my face.
“Just breathe Cole. I won’t strap it to you yet but you need to breathe.”
I try to fight but he moves with me, keeping the mask gentle on my face allowing me the time I need to accept it. “Angela, do we have any Ativan here or is it only at General?”
“I stock the half milligram dose here. How much?”
“Let’s start with two pills. These are the rapid dissolve ones?”
“Yes”
I hear her footsteps approaching before stopping behind me.
“Cole, I’m going to put a pulse oximeter on your finger. Are you familiar?”
I hold out my index finger for her to place it on. I am quite familiar and it’s one of very few things that has never been used to hurt me in the hospital. After holding the mask gently to my face for a few minutes Alpha Black allows me a break by letting it lay on the pillow beside me again.
“I need you to open your mouth and raise your tongue. I’m going to place two pills in your mouth. They need to dissolve under your tongue in order to work. This is a sedative called Ativan. Xanax is going to wait until we get the IV established.”
This is a difficult request as there’s been more than once that I was given something that caused more issues than I already had. It’s been years since I’ve allowed anyone to place anything directly in my mouth without seeing exactly where it came from.
“Cole,” I’m shocked at the gentle patience I hear in his voice. “I understand this is different from what you’re used to and trust but I’m trying to stay away from the shots which is the only way we can give you Xanax or Valium right now. Swallowing water while you’re gasping for air doesn’t work out well.”
I slowly open my mouth as my fear of shots is worse than the potential that he’s lying about these pills. I’m at least familiar with the medication.
“That’s it. These go under your tongue. Simply let them dissolve away.”
I feel the pills drop into my mouth and I manage to move my tongue around them so they fall underneath. It only takes twenty or thirty seconds for them to disappear, completely tasteless with no residual gritty feeling.
“Cole. Your oxygen levels are fluctuating badly so I need you to cooperate with the mask.”
He gently places it back to my face. I immediately fight but not nearly as bad and to my own surprise come to accept the alpha’s gentle hold as the tension in my chest eases slightly.
“You called, boss.”
I startle badly at the sound of a new voice causing the high pitched whimper to return.
“Relax Cole. This is my beta, Patrick. I called him to help Angela while I lay with you and comfort you.”
I can feel the alpha’s gentle touch on the back of my head while he holds the mask to my face. My thoughts are continuing to swirl with various doubts as to the sincerity of this new alpha. Yet everything that he’s said would happen, from disciplining my pack mates to what’s happened so far in the hospital, has happened.
“Is he one of the new prospects that came last night?”
“Yes, his name is Cole.”
“The first pack here on first runs is always Red Fang. With their history with us, why are you so inclined to give this one special treatment?”
“First impressions mean a lot to me. You know that. And my first impression of Cole is that he’s different. He deserves a chance, an open mind towards who he is and what he’s capable of.”
“I don’t understand Demetri, he’s Red Fang. Some of the worse, problematic wolves we continue to deal with. Assault, rape and incest are common, even acceptable for the pack to engage in. Here we’ve had assaults on both males and females both in and out of their pack, and attempted rape of female prospects. Are you certain this is the path you want to take with this one member of that group?”
“I understand your reservation and I’ll allow you to have it but I have always maintained an individualist view of every prospect that comes through and Cole is different.”
“I don’t like this, if he’s in such bad health that he’s in the hospital already we'd be better to wash our hands of him and send him back when he’s capable of traveling.”
As I continue listening to their conversation I can’t help but become anxious again. As hard as I’ve been trying to get rid of it, the beta’s desire to be rid of me is nerve racking spiking my anxiety again. I fight the mask harder than the first time successfully freeing myself from the alpha’s grasp, gasping for breath once I’m free. Alpha Demetri catches my hand as I struggle against him, stopping my struggle as he leans over gently speaking to me near my ear.
“I’m sorry Cole. This conversation is not one that should be happening right now but I assure you that I will not be kicking you out of my program. You will not be sent home once we get you better.”
“Demetri, I have to strongly disagree with this decision. You know nothing about him.”
“Exactly Patrick, you’ve written him off simply because of where he came from and not for the person he is. He will have a chance to show me who he is!”
“Enough, both of you!” Dr. Pierce finally steps in, ending the argument between the higher powers.
“Cole, I need you to open your eyes.”
She kneels beside the bed as she shines a small light into both as I’ve now got a tight grip on the alpha’s hand.
“Cole, your oxygen levels have been too low for too long. You need to wear the mask.”
Alpha reaches for it again and places it on my face. Despite my high anxiety I really have no fight left in me.
“Is the mask uncomfortable for you? Dr. Carter did mention that when you’re in the hospital he uses a lined mask that’s very soft against your face. That the hardness of the standard one gets you claustrophobic.”
I nod my head at what she has said as it’s all true.
“So it’s very important to be honest with me. I need to know how long you’ve been without your medication. It’s been six months since you’ve seen Dr. Carter. He’s quite worried about you.”
I nod my head agreeing to talk the best I can.
“First the asthma medication. How long since you’ve been out?”
I shake my head no as I wasn’t out I just didn’t have it with me.
“You’re not out? So why didn’t you bring it?”
To my relief Alpha helps me on this one.
“I asked the same question while waiting for Kathy to get the chair. He told me that he tried to bring them. I was able to guess that he packed them but they were removed before he left.”
I give a thumbs up trying to indicate a correct answer.
“Okay, so let’s do the thumbs up or down for yes and no. That seems fairly easy for you.”
I give another thumbs up.
“Do you use a nebulizer?”
Thumbs up.
“Are you out of albuterol?”
I give her a thumbs down for no I’m not out before putting my fingers close together to show that there’s only a little left.
“Have you been rationing the medication?”
I sigh through the mask before giving a thumbs up.
“You’re supposed to use the nebulizer two to three times a day. How often have you been using it?”
I close my eyes trying to relax with the questioning not wanting them to know how bad things are for me at Red Fang. After struggling to take in a few bigger breaths I finally hold up one finger.
“Once a day?”
I shake my head and give her a thumbs down.
“Once a week?”
Thumbs up. She sighs as she continues.
“Albuterol rescue inhaler?”
Thumbs up then close fingers, I still had that but it was starting to run low from using it more than usual.
“You have it but it’s low.”
Thumbs up.
“Trelegy?”
Thumbs down.
“Singulair?”
Thumbs down.
“So out of half the stuff you’re supposed to be taking. What about your anxiety medication? Do you have any of that left?”
Thumbs down.
“How long have you been rationing what you have?”
I put up three then four fingers.
“Three to four months?”
Thumbs up.
“Same for the time you’ve been out?”
Thumbs up again.
“Thank you Cole. I can’t imagine that it’s been easy for you the last several months.”