Exactly to his words, once I’m standing, he guides me in a gentle turn allowing me to feel when to sit instead of pushing. I sit on the edge of the bed, pushing myself to breathe as it feels like the vise on my lungs is clamping down harder. The whimpers from my childhood are even more persistent as the spike in my anxiety is getting worse, worsening my asthma.
“Dr. Pierce was able to get a hold of Dr. Carter. He mentioned that you get really anxious in the hospital making the whole process of getting better harder and longer. I have also picked up on your hesitation towards me. Which makes me believe that your alpha is quite harsh with you. Is he?”
I nod my head slowly as I attempt to talk.
“My .... dad ...”
“Your dad is also your alpha?”
‘Damn that was a quick put together.’ I think as I slowly nod again.
“So you are indeed one of Alpha Charles Redmen’s sons?”
I nod again.
“Okay. I feel this is going to be strange for you but I would like to try to help you like I do with Damian. If you haven’t picked up on it yet, he’s my oldest son and he’s also extremely afraid of the hospital. So over time I’ve created ways to comfort him.”
He’s right about one thing. Getting comforted in the hospital hasn’t been easy to come by as my father has increased restrictions on me which decreased my access to decent help outside of Dr. Carter. The only people that have ever gone to the hospital with me are Mr. Jenkins and his son Jamie.
“I’m going to talk you through everything that’s going to happen to you before it happens but I would like to try to help you feel safe. I don’t think it will be easy as you lack the trust that my own son has towards me, but I’m patient and persistent so if you’ll allow me to get close to you, lay with you, I really think I can help.”
I nod again giving him permission even though it’s going to be a hard internal fight to allow it to happen.
“Okay Cole. There’s going to be a lot of touch but you need to understand that none of it is negative. Nothing we do here is a punishment. Everything is to help you. The worst thing that will happen is Dr. Pierce starting an IV on you.”
I’ve been keeping my eyes closed in an effort to relax, trying desperately to ease my ability to breathe but at the mention of an IV I can’t help but pop my eyes open.
“I see a lot of fear in those eyes of yours. Do you have a hard time with needles too?”
I nod slowly, gasping in the process as my chest tightens and burns with the lack of oxygen. I curl my hands around the sheets on the bed. I’ve yet to move fully onto the bed but to my benefit alpha hasn’t moved very far from me either.
It startles me when I feel arms around me again. It’s my own reaction to sliding off the edge of the bed that surprises me even more. I throw my arms around his neck as I fall, grabbing hold of his shirt tightly when I do. I’m struggling badly again as the fear of being in the hospital and the multiple attempts it will take to get the IV started consume me. Despite my complete lack of control I attempt to communicate my fear to the alpha, even though I know it’s not going to make a difference.
“Please.... no.... IV.... hurts..... bad...... too.... many.... tries.... please..... some.... thing....else....”
I’m gasping hard by the time I’m done but what I don’t anticipate is an answer.
“I understand your fears Cole, I really do. But if you’re afraid of needles then the IV is the best way to get you the medication you need. I promise Dr. Pierce is really good and I will help you relax and get through it.”
“Please.”
I wheeze as my fear of getting an IV is as high as my fear of being tied down and the two always end up happening at the same time.
“No... IV..... no.... tie.... me.... please.... no...”
My struggle intensifies as I truly believe that’s what’s coming next.
“Cole, relax with me. Let me try to understand this.”
I’m pushing away from him but I’m weak from the lack of oxygen. He changes his hand placement so I can’t get away from him, increasing my panic even more. I’m fighting hard making everything worse as I suddenly freeze. His hand is on the back of my head, gently rubbing my hair. I’m struggling in so many ways I can’t begin to comprehend it myself.
“Cole,” Alpha's voice is soft and gentle.
“You’ve become very frightened very quickly of this IV so give me a chance to understand what I think you’re trying to tell me. It’s difficult to get an IV on you which makes it painful and they have to make repeated attempts to get it. It gets your anxiety high enough that you fight which results in you getting tied down.”
“Yes.” I wheeze again.
“Okay. I understand there’s lots of fear and with you just getting here the lack of trust makes things even more difficult. All you have to go with is what has happened before. I promise you Cole, I or Angela will tell you what we’re going to do before we do it. I also want to reassure you that I have never resorted to a hard restraint on any wolf that has come into my territory. I don’t know about Crimson General, but here in the medical wing I prefer gentler methods. Ones that allow me to calm and comfort in ways that encourage a sense of safety and trust. Before you told me that you were a difficult stick I was planning on comfort over power and that hasn’t changed. I’m going to help you the same way I have helped Damian in the past but it’s very important that you follow my directions.”
I nod my head without thinking about whether he could see me at all but before I could muster the energy needed to speak he starts.
“I need you to get in the bed. It’s a bit larger than a normal one which helps me with my methods. Step back, Cole. I’ll guide the way.”
He changes his hand position to my side above my waist and takes the same tiny steps with me as I timidly step back towards the bed.
“Start sitting back. I will guide you so you don’t fall, then I’m going to help you lay on your side.”
I ease myself back and true to his word, I’m laying on my right side as he starts removing my shoes.
“Angela, have you set up that mask so we can run oxygen in with the nebulizer treatment?”
“Yes. Just have to turn it on.”
I’ve closed my eyes again as my chest seems to be running a bad cycle of loosening up for a few minutes before clamping back down again.
“Cole, I’m going to put a mask over your nose and mouth. I’m certain you’re familiar with nebulizer treatments but this is setup to have oxygen added in as well.”
I can feel alpha lean over me as he places the mask over my face but submission in the hospital has always been difficult for me and oddly, using the mask during a bad attack makes me claustrophobic. I turn my head away as I feel him get close with the mask. My anxiety spikes and my chest tightens as I start fighting against the mask being put on my face. I have no control over my instincts of fight or flight which is why I always end up in hard restraints. My distressing whines start up again as I’ve started convincing myself that I’ll be the first one this alpha has to put in hard restraints. I feel his hands on top of mine as I start blindly reaching for the mask, not wanting it near me.
“Cole, I need you to calm down.”
The gentleness of his voice slows me down, stopping my hands from resisting his.
“Thank you, Cole. Since the mask seems to be difficult for you at the moment I’m going to lay it beside you, close enough for you to breathe the medication. I’m going to put the oxygen cannula back under your nose as well.”
My hands are shaking badly as I reach up and grab the alpha’s hand as he finishes with the tubing.
“Is there something you need to tell me?”
I squeeze down hard as my chest tightens again. No one outside of Dr. Carter has ever stopped to check on me, let alone ask questions when I’ve made such a simple gesture. It seems like this alpha may have come across others like me in his life making me wonder if he understands how big this simple gesture actually is for me. I flinch and gasp as he runs his fingers gently through my hair on the side of my head.