Chapter 176 Caroline, I Love You
Then he slowly raised his hands and covered his face.
His broad shoulders finally gave in, shaking violently.
After that night, Alexander became a different person.
He stopped snapping at the doctors. He stopped demanding answers about Caroline's treatment.
Every day, when he wasn't caring for Caroline, he buried himself in psychology textbooks.
Dense terminology. Clinical case studies. Treatment protocols and medication options. If it had value, he devoured it word by word, often staying up all night.
The light in his study stayed on until dawn.
He also had a yoga room set up in the villa and brought in stacks of books on prenatal yoga and meditation.
He read them over and over. Practiced over and over. Every breathing rhythm, every gentle movement—he tried them all, making sure he grasped the core principles.
He wasn't sure if these hastily learned techniques would help Caroline.
But he couldn't do nothing.
He couldn't follow the doctor's advice and wake Caroline up, force her to realize who she really was.
He wouldn't let go. He couldn't.
Maybe God finally took pity on him, because Alexander's efforts began to pay off.
The next time Caroline spiraled into agony from somatization, Alexander didn't panic and call for the doctor. Instead, he forced himself to stay calm, sat beside her, took her cold, trembling hand, and guided her through the diaphragmatic breathing he'd learned.
"Edith, look at me. Follow my lead. Breathe in... feel the air fill your belly... slower. That's it... now breathe out... let all the fear and tension leave with it..."
When he felt her arm starting to stiffen, he didn't frantically rub it like he had at first.
Instead, following what he'd learned from a Western medical text, he gently massaged specific pressure points on her arm that could ease muscle tension.
As he worked, he kept talking to her in a low, soothing voice.
He told her about the poetry collections they'd read together. About the sunlight on the beach during the day, the seagulls flying overhead, the soft sand beneath their feet.
The endless darkness finally cracked open, letting in a sliver of light. Alexander's efforts were bearing fruit.
The second time he successfully stopped an episode before it spiraled, watching Caroline's breathing slowly even out in his arms, Alexander gripped her hand and his shoulders shook violently.
Whether from relief or the sheer terror of what could have been, tears fell silently, landing in Caroline's palm.
Caroline woke to the wetness against her skin.
She blinked her eyes open, confused, and saw Alexander's tear-streaked face.
"Alex..." Her voice was weak. She reached up, bewildered, and tried to wipe the tears from his cheeks.
"Why are you crying? Did Linus come after you again? Don't be scared. I'll always be on your side..."
Alexander shook his head hard, his voice breaking. "No, it's not him... I'm just... happy..."
"Happy?" Caroline looked even more confused.
Happy? Then why was he crying?
"Yes, happy!" Alexander nodded emphatically.
"Happy that I can still see you like this. Touch you. Hear your voice. Happy that... we're still alive."
Caroline stared at him for a moment. Then a slow smile spread across her pale face.
"Of course being alive is good. Being alive means we can breathe fresh air, feel warm sunlight, sit by the ocean together and enjoy the quiet. Just the two of us."
The moment the words left her mouth, something inside Alexander exploded.
He pulled her tighter, buried his face in her hair, and let the tears pour out.
"I love you..."
The words left his mouth before he even realized what he was saying.
He'd never said them to anyone. Not even to the real Edith.
Even when he'd proposed, all he'd said was, "Edith, let me be your husband. Let me protect you for the rest of our lives. Will you?"
But now, the words had spilled out so naturally.
He froze for only a second.
Then the dam broke. All the feelings he'd buried so deep he hadn't even known they were there came flooding out.
He didn't hesitate anymore. Didn't fear. Didn't care who she was, whether she remembered, whether she'd forgive him.
He only knew one thing. He loved her.
He loved this woman in his arms, real and breathing and here.
He cupped her face in his hands, looked deep into her eyes, and kissed her with something close to reverence.
He kissed her forehead. Her eyelids. The tip of her nose. And finally, solemnly, her lips.
"I love you... I love you... I love you..."
He whispered it between kisses, his voice hoarse, as if he could make up for all the years he'd never said it, carve it into her very soul.
Caroline's head spun from the sudden confession. Her cheeks flushed bright red, her heart hammering wildly.
When he finally pulled back from her lips, she managed to speak, her voice shy. "We've been together so long... why are you being so cheesy now..."
"It's not cheesy." Alexander pressed his forehead to hers, his nose brushing against her cheek.
"Not cheesy at all. I want to say it every day. A thousand times. Ten thousand times... until the day I die, and I'll never get tired of it."
Caroline's heart felt like it might burst—sweet and aching and soft all at once.
Something she couldn't name fluttered up from deep inside her.
She reached up and gently cupped his face.
"I love you too, Alexander."
She called him Alexander. Not Alex. Not darling. But the name the young Caroline used to say—shy and smiling—every time she saw him.
For a moment, the scene before him blurred into the past.
Alexander saw a girl standing in the doorway of the Neville Mansion, leaning lightly against the frame, a book in her hands.
When she saw him, her face lit up.
She nodded softly. "Hello, Alexander."
Alexander couldn't hold back anymore. He kissed her again, hard and desperate.
"I love you..."
He whispered it over and over in his mind. 'I love you, Caroline.'
He didn't know when he'd fallen in love with her.