Chapter 7

Damn that woman is stupid. Sophie has a lot to learn. Well, I must pat myself on the back; I am just that damn convincing. Soon I will have it all, a home, and a woman to play mom to my children, and money too. Oh what a feeling. Time is actually running out for me to get married and to have a steady home.

“Jewel, damn, you said you would help me out. What in the hell are you doing?”

“Look Zander this is your game not mine, this is all on you, and I did my part.”

“Here is the deal Jewel, you help me out or when you least expect it I will make your fucking life a living nightmare. So much so you will never have a normal life or what you want ever again.”

“Why Zander, is that a threat? You know I do not take lightly to being threatened. Think about what you are actually doing. There are a lot of people who can be hurt, and stand to lose a whole lot.”

“Once again let me remind you, if I go down and lose this I will take you down. I will tell about your affair, not only with Troy your brother-in-law, I will make my 14 year old son say it was with him too. Hmmmm, then what? You are fucked for the rest of your life, labeled as a cradle robber. Then I will make the secret know about what you plan to do to your husband. The choice is yours.”

“Whatever, we were always so close growing up. What the hell happened to you?’

“Life happened to me. Then again Jewel, your pampered little ass would not know anything about that. Mommy and daddy always were there to pull you out of everything. Well, let us just see how much they help you when I take you down.”

At that point Jewel sat down and cried. How could Zander be like that? How could he stoop that low? Essentially Jewel had nowhere to turn, no one to talk to not even Troy would listen to her, and he was to a point of siding with Zander since Jewel had not time for him.

After Zander left Sophie fantasized about how it would be to make love to Zander. She pictured them opening a bottle of wine, by the fireplace, watching the fire burn. They would talk for a little while, and then dance to some slow country music. Then find finally getting lost in each other’s eyes, embracing, kissing one another, then finally undressing one another and making love. Sophie felt as though their first time together would be special. She had thought so much about how it would be, her fantasy almost felt like reality at times. She wished she had just given in to him earlier. Then she realized what if he did not want her anymore? She would miss him that much more. All she knew at this point is being in his arm made her feel secure.

“Sophie, you are the biggest bitch I have ever met. Where the fuck was you? Why were you not here with me where you belong? You could have at least told me that you were leaving.” Alex was irate at this point. He wanted to beat Sophie’s ass but he had never hit her why start now.

“Here we go again. Alex, you need to stop this. I went with Jewel to the mall. I do not enjoy sitting here watching you sleep, snoring and drooling just does not turn me on. Damn, get real you are not two; you do not need to be rocked, or even read to. I was trying to not have to wake you up. I really did not need to hear you bitch either, then turn around and play daddy or warden and not let me leave the house. This is not a prison Jake, but you sure the hell makes it feel like one. Right now, I am not in the mood for this, I have to get ready for work.”

“There you go walking away from me, leaving things up in the air, and not resolving anything. Evading my questions is no way to work things out. Just make up your mind about whom or what you want, this is driving me insane.”

Look, I really do not want to discuss this. Leave me the hell alone. You already broke your promise so why do I need to tell you anything. You promised me space but have you done that; hell no you are crowding me more than before.”

Sophie turned and walked away from Alex, she had heard enough. Sophie wished that Alex would just leave her alone. As much as she was starting to hate her job, she was happy to be going to work, which did not matter any to Alex, he still made excuses to call and bother Sophie at work. No matter what she did, where she went she could not get away from him.

“I am sorry Sophie I had to call you. This is going way too far, I really need to know where I stand in your life.” Alex was desperate to find out what he needed to do.

“Alex please stops calling me at work. I am going to lose my job. I get it now that is why you keep calling me, you hope I lose my job, then I will have to stay with you, and Jake won’t want me. You want me to be dependent on you. Damn you asshole, just leave me the fuck alone. I have patients to take care of; we will talk when I get home.”

Once Sophie hung up the phone she began to plot how she could get rid of Alex. She had to do it once and for all. She had already told him it was over. That seemed to go right over his head. He just keeps begging her not to leave him. He promised to change. Of course being the soft hearted person she was she gave him yet another chance. Maybe what she needs to do is just leave him a note, not tell him where she is going then maybe he would get the picture. No, that one would not work, she had to take the children with her, and she was not leaving them behind. Of course she could leave a letter from Zander lying around and hope Alex finds it. She was determined to get rid of Alex, but how, nothing seemed to work. She could hope he would just move out, but then again that would be too easy and she was not that lucky.

“Sophie, I am really sorry I had to call you at work, I just needed to hear your voice before I leave. I am leaving first thing in the morning. I had to say good-bye, and that I love you one more time.” Explained Zander as though he were in a hurry.

“Sophie, listen to me, rethink coming back with me. I know you already said you cannot do that, but, please rethink it and let me know. I love you. I will write to you soon and I will call you.”

Sophie hung up the phone wishing she could leave with him. She felt as though the two of them belonged together and wanted to spend every bit of time with him that she could. Even though she and Alex were moving into a bigger house, he still showered her with diamonds, flowers, and even clothes, but she still did not want to be with him. She just was not happy, she had not been happy with him in a long time, and now Zander was her easy way out. She knew she would never feel the same toward Alex again; too much had been lost over time. The material things he was giving her meant nothing to her.

When Sophie went to bed that night she thought about what she really wanted in a man. She knew she wanted love, understanding, and trust, but she needed to feel secure as well, that was the one thing Alex never could give her security. She had some of those things from Alex, not all though. Alex had always treated her as if the only one who had any feelings was him; all that ever mattered was him, the hell with her. He just did not know how to love her the way she needed to be loved. She began to second guess herself, had she really ever loved Alex, or was her life with him the past 18 years a big lie. Was Alex a way to gain freedom, a way to have someone love her at the time she needed the love the most, someone who was there when she felt alone? That is the way she was feeling at the time, alone. Sophie cried, when she thought about what a mess her life was in, then she finally fell asleep.

“Sophie, wake up, we have to talk now. I for one cannot take this anymore. You have to stop shutting me out. I love you. You know that, I do, I want to work through this problem we have together. Why throw away 18 years of marriage over some dumb ass passing through town that flatters you.”

“Alex please, just leaves me alone. Damn you, just when I can sleep in you have to wake me up. The damn children we have, do not have school today, just leave me alone, I am tired. I want to go back to sleep.”

“I am sorry if I have ever hurt you. That is the one thing I never have done intentionally. Can’t you just give me a chance to make it all up to you? We have not made love in weeks. We are still married you know, I would say it is time to make love like we used to. You may find out that you still love me, or is that what you are afraid of? I know I probably won’t top what you have with Jake, but I should be allowed a chance to try.”

Sophie to herself, you do not know how right you are. You could never top what I have with Zander. You are right it won’t make me love you anymore. After the conversation I had with Zander earlier good luck, I love him more and more every time I talk to him. She felt guilty about what she was doing, but it was what needed to be done.

“Oh, Zander, you feel so good, don’t stop; I wish we could just stay this way forever, in each other’s arms making love all night long.” Suddenly she realized what she had just said. She hoped Alex had not heard what she had just said.

“What did you just call me? You bitch.” Alex slapped Sophie across her face. “You lied to me. You have been seeing Jake. I knew it. You have been talking to him. I guess you just told on yourself. I know now that you have slept with him. Now you cannot deny it. No matter how hard you try. You would not have called me Zander if you had not slept with him. Oh by the way, tell your bitch ass sister-in-law Jewel I said thank you, thank you very much for fucking up our marriage encouraging you to leave me for her cousin Zander. If it weren’t for her as we may still be together.” I guess it really is over for us. Why even try?” Alex got out of the bed and began to put his clothes back on. “You know I really thought we had a chance to work this out. I will be out of your life in a few months; I just need to get enough money together to move into a place of my own. I wish now we had never sold the other house. If you knew this was what you wanted why in the hell did we sell the other house? I could have moved back there and left you with these one and all the renovations and the payments. Answer one thing for me, what kind of a relationship will you have with someone who is clear across the country? Even worse, someone who has over six years left to serve his country? How do you know what he is doing when he is not here?”

“I have tried to forget Zander; I have loved him from the time when our eyes first met. In all honesty, I have not loved you for a long time, for the past two years to be exact. It is not Zanders fault that I do not love you; it is not Jewels fault that I want to leave you. Jewel happens to be related to Zander. I am jealous of the relationship she has with him. I know it sounds bad to feel that way but those two are pretty close. Like brother, sister close, you sick pervert, yet I am still jealous of the two of them. You know Zander really just gave me the strength and the excuse I needed to tell you it’s over, to admit to myself this was over with us, there is no turning back. At the same time I just happened to fall in love with Zander. I know my faults, I know I have not been a perfect wife to you or mother to the children we have together, but I damn well tried my hardest to make this work. In your case, well let’s see, you have put me through hell, plain and simple, you have treated me like shit, you have never trusted me, I have always felt like a prisoner in my own home. I just cannot take it anymore. I just can’t. I will always care about you. I would never keep you from the kids, me I can keep you away from them I can’t. We can stay living together as friends until you find a place, until then do not; I repeat do not interfere in my life.”

Alex sat looking at Sophie with tears in his eyes. He was not sure what to say to her. He felt as though he did not know her anymore. Really, did it matter anymore? He knew he was just wasting time saying how he felt. His feelings did not seem to matter anymore. Alex just feels that he cannot live without Sophie anymore. He knew he could not hold her if she did not want to be held, he could not comfort her if she did not want him to comfort her. Alex so hoped in due time she would love him again, so much so that the relationship would feel as though it were new again. Really, he had to face reality and stop living in a dream land, this was getting him nowhere. For now he only had memories to hold tight to. Zander had won Sophie’s heart, Alex was pretty much history. Alex could not stop what Sophie felt.