Chapter 17: Seventeen

Karina’s POV

I opened my eyes slowly, staring at the ceiling untill my breathing slowed down. The faint light from the window told me it was morning already. I sighed loudly, running a hand through my face, as I sat up.

I didn't have nightmares often atleast not anymore. But when I did, it was always about him.

Chase.

It was always him, even after so many years, that man still plagued my dreams. Something about the fact that he was still pit there alive, enjoying his life at home, while he cheated me out of mine, he chased me from the only life I ever knew.

I felt the feeling I often pushed down rise again. I wanted payback, but it wasn't coming anytime soon. Today was not the day.

I looked around my room. Everything felt silent yet too loud.

I stood up, took off my clothes, and slowly walked to the bathroom. There never were nights like after this.

\---

The training grounds were empty when I arrived, just like always. The morning wind felt cool against my skin. I closed my eyes, letting the sound of the wind quiet my mind.

Inhale. Exhale. Focus.

I moved without thinking. Letting my anger from my dream fuel me. The memory still lingered; Chase's face flashed in my mind every time I struck.

“Trying to destroy the ground?” a voice from behind spoke.

I froze. I didn't need to turn to know whose it was. It was Kole.

I turned slowly to face him.

He always showed up when I least expected him, and exactly when I didn’t need the distraction.

“I thought that was the point of training,” I replied and reached for a cloth to wipe the sweat from my face.

“ Shouldn't you be resting? You have a lot of planning and possible fighting ahead of you," he said.

“I’m fine,” I replied coldly, hoping it would make him leave.

“You’re not,” he replied, his tone different this time, laced with concern and something more. It annoyed me; I don't have time for these off-and-on things we had going on, which were becoming a nuisance.

“Good thing I didn’t ask,” I replied sharply, stepping away from him. His facial expressions changed again, as he stepped closer. Not too close, though it annoyed me how he would act as if he cared about me, but the moment we got closer, even a little bit, he would retreat instantly.

“You’ve been pushing harder this week,” he continued.

“There’s always room to improve; isn't it your motto anymore.” I replied, mocking him.

“Well, yes, but there's also a point where you stop improving and start making mistakes, because you've pushed yourself too far.”

I met his gaze then.

“And you think I’m there?” I asked.

“I think you’re close,” he replied. Looking away, like he was scared to look me in the eyes.

Silence settles between us; it wasn't the choking kind, it was the kind of silence filled with understanding for each other, and something more.

My wolf stirred faintly, reminding me what that thing was.

“I’ll keep that in mind,” I said, and turned away from him.

He didn't leave, though. I could still feel his gaze on me. I wished I could see what was going on in his mind, in his heart, but that wasn't my place, and no matter what we both feel, it never will be.

“Your mission leaves tomorrow, doesn't it?” he said after a moment.

“Im sure you're aware of that, kole,” I replied.

“And you’re still certain you want to lead it,” he asked. What was that tone in his voice? Since when have I given him reason to doubt my ability to deliver?

“I wouldn’t have volunteered if I wasn’t.” I snapped back.

“I didn’t ask why you volunteered, Karina. I see why you did.” he paused, taking a deep breath before he continued.

“What I'm asking you is, do you want to?"

His eyes held mine, just for a second, though it was always only for a second.

I tried to speak, but the distance between us was starting to feel too small, too dangerous, so i nodded in response instead.

"Are you sure? " asked again.

"What's the meaning of this, Kole. Please, if there's a reason you don't want me to go, please say so. Cause we both know I'm qualified enough to handle a situation like this, I've spent two years of my life working hard to prove that I can." I replied, finally snapping.

"You're right, but as a leader, it's my place to ask questions like these to ensure the capability of my leaders," he replied.

Such a self-righteous piece of shit, I thought to myself as I laughed out at his response. We both knew that wasn't why he was here.

"In that case, are we done now?" I asked.

Kole looked at me, his eyes searching for what only he knew before finally answering.

"Yes, we're done."

I turned back and started walking off. I wasn't going to wait to see if he had anything else to say, but, of course, he did.

"Karina." He called out. I stopped and turned to face him, even though a part of me wanted to ignore him and walk off.

“Yes?” I asked.

“Don’t let it become personal. I was doing my job,” he said.

My fingers curled slightly at my side.

"Keep saying it till you believe kole. Keep saying it." I said and stormed off; I wasn't going to add to his self-delusions.

\---

I came here when I needed to clear my head, it reminded of the garden I used to have at home, when I was younger.

I leaned against the trunk of a tree, staring out into the distance.

Chase.

The name felt different now. Once upon a time, that name meant something. It was the name of someone I loved, someone who didn't love me back, no matter how hard I tried to get him to.

Now his name feels different, like an unhealed wound left to fester; things were left unfinished between us, and now he's like a bacteria coming back to infect the wound he left.

Something inside me told me these feelings weren't going away until I got what I wanted. Revenge.

I suddenly felt a shift in the air; someone was here. My wolf stirred, telling me who it was.

“You’re starting to make a habit of showing up uninvited,” I said.

Kole didn’t respond immediately.

“You come here when you’re thinking,” he asked, finally speaking.

“And you follow me when I am.”

“Not always,” he replied, smiling.

I almost smiled, too.

“What do you want?” I asked.

“To make sure you come back, Karina, after you leave.”

I studied his face, so what he was afraid of losing was me.

“You don’t need to worry about that, it's not like I have anywhere else to go,” I replied.

"I know it may not seem like it, but I see you, Karina. I see how you zone out. I can tell you are fighting demons. Don't let the taste for vengeance make you lose what you have." He said, speaking slowly.

“It's not.. I mean, I'm not." I answered stamerring.

"Look, I know this is the first time you're going out since you came here, the temptation to go back to where you came from seeking some form of closure or revenge is high, but don't. It won't be worth it." Kole said his eyes searching for mine, I looked away instantly.

I guess I'm scared that he could see through me if he looked at my eyes.

I felt a tear drip down my face before I could react.

Kole closed the distance between us and used his handkerchief to wipe the tears from my face gently, like he was scared I was going to break.

I froze, as my wolf stirred with an intensity it hadn't in a long time, even after I stopped crying kole made no effort to put some distance between us.

It felt like time stopped moving; I could hear his heartbeat and wondered if he could hear mine.

Kole's eyes dropped lower for a second, to my lips. Our eyes locked for a few minutes, even though it felt like an eternity. We stood frozen, staring into each other's eyes. I could see desire burning brightly in his eyes.

Then, just as quickly as it appeared, it was gone. He quickly stepped back like he suddenly could not breathe.

“You should rest." He said, clearly, his throat, the spark in his eyes was gone, now he just looked at me like nothing.

I watched him for a second longer, realization dawning on me that this was the way things were always going to be.

I nodded slowly.

“Yeah,” I said quietly. “You too.”

Kole nodded back, his eyes still focused on the floor, too afraid to meet mine. Untill he turned back and started walking away.

I didn’t stop him.

But as I stood there, watching his retreating figure, one thing settled clearly in my chest this thing between us. Kole and I both refused to name. We were going to take control one day, and I hope it doesn't cost me everything I've worked for.

No matter how much I tried to fight it.

I looked up to see that Kole had walked back and was watching me, unsure of what to do next.

“You should go,” I said quietly.

“I should,” he agreed.

My chest rose slowly as I met his gaze.

“Then why aren’t you?” I asked.