Chapter 12: Twelve

Kole’s POV

My feet moved long before my mind could catch up. I need to get out of this place.

I could feel my heart rate spike the moment my hands touched her. It was electric just from that brief contact.

Like a call from destiny. A call I wasn't sure I was willing to answer yet.

My skin crawled as I remembered the feeling. It felt different. It unsettled me, the way my wolf reacted.

It felt like something had shifted beneath my skin and refused to settle back into place.

I walked faster down the corridor as quickly as my legs could carry me without raising unnecessary alarm.

Ignore it. I whispered to myself as I walked. Whatever that was, it meant nothing.

It had to mean nothing. I must be reading into things too much. What were the chances that the random woman I chose to save that night was the one?

Deep down, I knew the truth. I've known it for some time now. Because I’d felt it before.

Not exactly like this. Not in this form. But close enough that my body recognised it before my mind could deny it. And my wolf only confirmed it, making the pull stronger.

And worse. I knew she felt it too. I could tell from the way her eyes lifted to find mine immediately.

No. No. I'm not doing this. Not again.

I finally reached my room, shut the door harder than necessary and leaned against it for a second, eyes closed.

Silence.

But it wasn't the kind that calms you. This kind of silence felt like it was slowly choking me out.

It was the kind that forces everything you’re trying not to think about to rise anyway. Fighting for attention despite your attempt to ignore it.

I took off my shoes and collapsed on my bed, like a sack. I closed my eyes, hoping it would block out the endless thoughts that plagued my mind.

It didn’t.

Her face came first. Karina. My heat rate spiked. N,o you can't let this happen. I whispered to myself. And pushed her out of my mind.

But her face was replaced by another.

Another memory. One so painful, I had locked it away. Her voice played in my mind. It's been a long time since I let myself think about her.

Her name alone tightened something deep in my chest. My love. The one who was taken from me.

I squeezed my eyes tighter, trying to shut the pain out, but it didn’t stop.

It never did.

The memory came in pieces.

I always came back to that moment. the one I couldn’t change. My love wasn't enough to save her. "I'm sorry, my love," I whispered as a tear slid down my cheeks.

I sat up abruptly, dragging in a breath as I’d just surfaced from underwater.

“Stop,” I spoke to myself.

But my mind didn’t listen. It never listened when it came to her. It's why I'm scared about this feeling with Karina. It's too familiar.

I can't let myself feel this way again.

I know what I lost.

And what I swore to myself that night.

“I’m not doing this again,” I said to myself, a tone of finality in my voice.

The words felt quiet and final, but something beneath them lacked conviction.

Why? Because the truth was here. The truth came back to bite me. Every time I came in contact with her. And for some reason, I was too weak to send her away.

I know the truth. That feeling back in the room. It wasn’t random, nor was it meaningless.

I stood up from the bed and began pacing around the room. I feel restless.

No matter how much I tried, my thoughts refused to stay in one place.

They kept dragging me back.

To Karina. To my past love. How much more cruel could my mind be?

I thought about Karina. The way she looked at me when I hurt her. As she drew back immediately, she looked scared. Why wouldn't she be?

I kept pushing her even when she begged to take a break. I put her in that position to get hurt.

“I didn’t mean to,” I said out loud, though there was no one to hear it.

But intention didn’t change what happened.

I saw it clearly now. The moment the blade cut her.

How she looked at me. I wasn't just the man who rescued her anymore. I became another person for her to be afraid of.

I had proved every fear she had about me.

About this place.

About herself.

What kind of man was I becoming? She has no control over this connection. It's simply fate, so do I have to treat her like she's the villain in the story?

I slammed my fist into the wall.

The impact echoed through the room as pain shot up my hand, sharp and grounding.

“Stupid,” I muttered under my breath. And hit again.

“Careless.”

I hit again, a third time.

I stopped there. I looked at the wall.

Thus, it didn't fix anything. My anger never did. But atleast it gave my anger somewhere to go. Even if it was only for a second, it drowned the pain in my heart. And all things i'm constantly avoiding.

“I pushed too far.”

Karina’s cry echoed again.

This was becoming a very annoying cycle. One I didn't have the time for.

I wasn’t letting this spiral into something it wasn’t.

Karina was weak. She's lucky I brought her here; I saved her life. And I'm only helping her, but training her this way. She clearly needs to develop a thicker skin, and I am simply making sure of that.

Karina is untrained, unprepared. Soft in all the ways this world punished, every word I spoke to her today was true.

The only thing I did wrong was hit her that way.

Whatever I feel for Karina will pass with time. I need to avoid till it does. It wasn't going to be easy.

But I refuse to name it.

Not yet atleast. Not ever, if I had a choice.

Because naming it made it real, and I've already buried something real once.

I wasn’t going to open up that wound once again.

\---

After a few more hours of pacing around my room, I decided the only way to quell the storm in my mind would be to numb it.

The bottle was already in my hand before I fully registered grabbing it.

I didn’t bother with a glass. I never bothered about that. On nights like this, I took solace in the bottle. It was familiar and had no hidden twist waiting for me at the bottle.

I took a long pull straight from it. The wine slid down my throat, burning it.

I smiled weakly. This was good. It was familiar, comforting. The bottle of wine was mine; there was no chance anyone would take it away from me.

I took a couple of long sips. And closed my eyes, I could feel the alcohol warming my body already.

This was better than thinking, better than remembering. It was better than feeling anything I didn’t want to feel. I'm safe here.

I breathed slowly as it settled, leaning back against the wall.

I emptied the bottle in minutes and moved to open another.

But it felt like this pain was too deep for alcohol to numb this down.

No matter how many sips I took. I still felt the same way. I still felt the pain of loss and the strong pull—a familiar yet new feeling with Karina.

My eyes filled with tears as I begged my mind to release me. I'm a prisoner of my mind, and for the first time in years, the bottle of wine was doing nothing to set me free from it.

Please, even if it's for a few hours, let me know peace. I begged my mind.

My wolf stirred within me the more I thought about Karina. And about my love that was taken away from me

It wasn't worth pursuing anything. What if Karina meets the same fate as her

I can't lose another person to these people. It would break me. I'm not sure my heart can take another heartbreak.

After a few more minutes of fighting, my mind finally quieted, and I drifted off to sleep.

\-----

I woke up the next morning to a crushing hangover; it felt like my skull was going to split open. I barely made it off the bed and crawled to the bathroom, where I vomited the remnants of alcohol into the sink, gripping the edges until my knuckles whitened.

Disgusted, I dragged myself into the bathroom, letting the cold water of the shower burn the haze out of me. Afterwards, I called for a maid to clean the room. Yesterday's hit badly damaged my wall, so that has to be fixed too.

Since repair was going on in my room, I headed toward the dining hall for breakfast. But stopped, frozen in my tracks.

If Karina had returned yesterday, she might be there. I wasn't sure if the doctor released her, but I couldn't risk running into her. I need space to breathe and maybe process things properly.

So I turned away immediately. I needed to go over some files in my office anyway, so I'll eat when I get there.

As I walked towards the car. My phone buzzed. I paused and checked my screen. It read.

TODAY: Death anniversary of your love.

My hand went cold.