Chapter 20: Torin’s Apartment

A knock came on my door at exactly 11:47PM.

I crossed the room in a few strides, I didn’t check the peephole, I was only expecting one person.

I opened the door.

Cassian stood in the hallway in jeans and his usual jacket. His eyes were bright with nervousness and desire.

He opened his mouth to speak.

I pulled him inside, slammed the door, then pushed him against the wall.

My lips found his throat immediately.

“I’ve been thinking about this all day.” I muttered against his skin, feeling his pulse bump under my touch and hearing his breath catch.

“Really?” He said breathlessly.

I kissed the spot where his jaw met his neck, making him shiver. He tasted like salt, cold air and something delicious. Something I’d been craving since the alley.

“Every shift.” I said as my lips moved up, my mouth opening to suck on a spot, making him moan softly. “Each time you looked at me, that time you grabbed my jersey.”

He pulled me closer to him as his hips pressed into me.

“Fuck! You’re going to be the death of me.”

He laughed. “That’s good to know.”

I kissed him hard, my tongue immediately sliding into his mouth to taste every corner of his mouth, he groaned into my mouth.

“It was worth it.”

He made another sound against my lips that I felt everywhere.

My hands moved to the hem of his shirt, pulling it over his head. He shivered as the air hit his skin. I watched his chest rise and fall as his hands reached for me.

He pulled my shirt off with fumbling fingers. His hands spread against my chest, like he was trying to memorize the shape of me.

“Tor.” He said, his voice cracking.

I covered his hands with mine, pressing them harder against my skin.

“I’m here, Cassian. I’m not going anywhere.”

He pulled me down for another kiss. It was slower this time, his tongue slid into my mouth slowly as his hips rocked forward. I felt his hardness against my thigh.

I walked him backwards towards the bedroom; my hands never left his body and his never left mine either.

The bed was cool when we sank into it; his back hit the mattress, and I hovered over him watching his face in the dim light. His lips were parted; his chest rose and fell and his eyes were hooded.

“Are you okay?” I asked.

He reached up to touch my face; gently tracing my face and my cheekbones with shaky fingers.

“I’m more than okay.”

I kissed his forehead softly, then his eyelids, then the corner of his mouth.

He arched off the bed, silently asking for more.

I gave it to him.

His hands roamed my body, gently exploring my shoulder, my back, my hips; pulling me closer. But it still wasn’t enough. I skimmed my lips over his throat, his collarbone, the hollow of his chest.

My mouth closed over one nipple and he cried out.

“Tor, please.”

I continued biting and sucking on the nipple, gently twisting the other one between my fingers.

I left his nipples, tracing kisses down his stomach, I felt his muscle clench as his hand grabbed my hair.

“Tor.”

I paused what I was doing to look at him.

He was watching me through hooded eyes.

“I want to see all of you.”

I moved back up his body slowly; he wrapped his legs around my waist, pulling me down against him.

The way he said my name like a prayer, the sounds he made; it all drove me crazy. I wanted to memorize every second of how his fingers dug into my back, how his breath hitched when I rocked my hips into his, the way he cried out as his head fell back against the pillow. The way he looked at me like I was something amazing to look at.

When we finally came together, it was gentle and slow. We both savored it like we didn’t want it to end.

He held my face in his hands; watching me the whole time with wet eyes.

“Tor.” He moaned.

“Cassian.” I groaned.

He pulled me in for a soft kiss.

————

Moments later, we laid tangled on the bed.

His head was on my chest and my arm was around his shoulders; his fingers traced lazy patterns on my skin. The room was dark and quiet but the city hummed outside. I listened to his heartbeat; the sound was calm and reassuring.

“All my life, I’ve never—“ he stopped.

I waited.

He traced more patterns on my skin.

“I mean, I have; but it wasn’t like this.” He finally said.

“Not like what?” I asked.

He looked up at me, with open and vulnerable eyes. He showed me everything he was feeling, not withholding anything.

“It wasn’t like it mattered, in the past.”

My heart skipped a beat.

I pulled him closer, pressing a kiss to his temple.

“It matters this time.”

He closed his eyes and let out a shaky breath.

“Say that again, please.”

I pressed another kiss to his hair.

“It matters this time, you matter, this matters.”

He buried his face in my neck; his shoulders shook slightly.

I held him through it.

I had no words to explain how I was feeling.

I didn’t know how to tell him that I’d never felt this way before, that I’d never let anyone in to this point. I never wanted to, and I never thought I could.

He was the first.

He was the only one.

————

I don’t know how long we laid, but it was long enough for Cassian’s breath to even out, long enough that shadows moved around the ceiling and the city outside grew quiet.

I thought he was asleep.

“Tor?”

“Yeah?”

He shifted to look at me, his eyes were softer now, with the nervousness gone and the hunger satiated.

“I’m scared.”

I pushed the hair back from his forehead and pressed my lips to his forehead.

“I know; me too.”

“Is this real?”

I thought about the alley, the way we’d played so well at the New York game, I also thought about now.

“It’s real.”

He stared at me for a long moment, I didn’t know why but I let him.

“Okay.”

“Okay?”

“Yeah, okay.” He settled back on my chest, letting out a long breath. “I can work with that.”

I kissed his hair again.

“Get some rest.”

“Will you be here when I wake up?”

I tightened my hold on him.

“I’ll be here.”

He relaxed against me as his hand found mine under the sheets; he interlaced our fingers.

I felt a deep sense of relief. He was here, in my apartment; and in my arms.

It was terrifying.

I closed my eyes, letting myself fall.