Chapter 14: The Assignment

I engaged my teammates in a brutal training today.

I ran them through the hardest drills till they were heaved over, begging for a break. Danton watched from the bench with a blank face, he knew better than to get between me and whatever demon I was trying to exorcise.

Only Cassian matched my energy.

When I pushed, he pushed even harder; every time I demanded more, he was there to give it. We circled each other on the ice like we were the only ones there. His eyes followed me around; burning bright with accusations and want.

By the time practice ended, everyone looked tired.

Everyone except him.

He stood at the opposite end of the rink with his chest heaving and sweat dripping down his face as his eyes locked on mine, challenging me to look away. His jersey; wet with sweat, clung to his body. He looked ready for a confrontation.

He looked like he was ready for another round of practice.

I broke the stare, grabbed my water and skated to the bench.

———-

The locker room was a total mess.

Guys stripped off their gear, heading towards the showers. Raffi was already in his regular clothes as he laughed at something on his phone. Someone played music from a speaker, steam rose from the shower room; someone made a joke and a few others laughed. It was the usual locker room chaos.

I stopped in front of my stall, staring at nothing.

My heart still thundered, it hadn’t stopped since I stepped on the ice, since I saw him on the ice, matching my energy; refusing to give up.

I reached for my skate laces, I started untying them with a blank face and steady hands.

Footsteps approached.

I didn’t look up; I didn’t need to, I already knew who it was from the way the air became charged and the hairs on my arm stood in attention.

He stopped right in front of my stall.

I kept my head down, looking at my lace, but from the side of my eye; I could see his skates, I could see the sweat dripping from his shin guard onto the floor.

“Torin.” His voice sounded low; like he was trying so hard to hold back.

I ignored him and focused on untying the lace.

“We need to talk.”

“There’s nothing for us to talk about.”

“I disagree, there’s a whole lot to talk about.”

I felt him crouch, as his presence dropped to my level.

“When you want to lie, at least look me in the eye.”

I kept my head down still.

“Torin, look at me.”

I looked up.

His face was mere inches from mine, sweat traced a line down his temple, his lips were parted as his chest rose and fell.

“I felt it again.” He whispered softly. “I know you felt the same thing I felt; you hanging up on me last night changes nothing.”

I grit my teeth.

“Just let it be, Cassian.”

“I can’t.” His eyes bore into mine. “That’s the thing, I just can’t let it be; I’ve tried, it didn’t work.”

“You need to try harder.”

“Why? Because I’m a rookie and the great captain?” His voice rose. “That’s the only reason you’ve got and it’s not a good enough reason.”

I stood up abruptly, making him stumble.

We stood chest to chest now; both of us refusing to back down. The locker room noise faded till all that could be heard was the sound of our harsh breathing.

It was just me and him at this point.

“You are a rookie.” I said flatly. “And I’m the Captain. That’s it, there’s nothing else to talk about.”

“That’s bullshit.” He said in a shaky voice. “There’s a lot to discuss, the way I stay up late thinking about you, the way you look at me when you think I don’t notice, the way you looked at me back in Boston; in the film room, the way you passed that puck for me to score a goal you could have easily scored.”

He paused, letting the words hang.

“The way I feel like I’m drowning every time you walk away.”

His words stunned me.

His eyes watered up. “But all you do is shut me out, and run away; even when you gave me your word that you’d try, that you won’t run away again. One moment you’re saying my name like I mean something to you, then the next moment, you act like a stranger.”

“I say your name that way because you do mean something to me.” I said, the words tumbling out. “You know it means something.”

“Why then do you push me away every time?”

“Because all this is new to me.”

“Well, join the club.” He said, a tear escaping his eyes. He didn’t wipe it away, he just let it run down. “Something is always new to everyone at some point, that doesn’t give us any reason to give up.”

“I’m not giving up.”

“Then what are you doing?” His voice broke. “Because I’m here, giving it my all, and you’re not even putting in any effort; it’s killing me.”

I reached for him, grabbing his face to wipe the tear off with my thumb.

He froze.

“Tor.”

“Cassian.” I said in a low tone. “I’m really trying my best here.”

“This can’t be your best, try harder.”

The door opened.

We sprang apart.

Dex stood in the doorway with a camera on his shoulder and a blank stare.

He looked at me, then at Cassian; noticing the tear tracks on his face. He looked at how little the space between us was.

He said nothing about his observations.

“Sloane wants to see you both in twenty minutes for an interview request.”

His eyes darted between Cassian and I once more.

Then he left, the door clicking shut behind him.

Cassian shook where he stood, as he looked at me like I was the only thing keeping him upright.

I slung my bag over my shoulder as I walked towards the door.

“Cassian.”

“Yes, Tor?”

“I’m not running.”

A long pause.

“Then what are you doing?”

I turned around to look at him.

“I’m staying.”

He said nothing.

I turned and walked out, hearing him exhale behind me. Then I heard something that sounded like a mix of a laugh and a sob.

I didn’t look back.

But my chest felt lighter.