Chapter 167 You're My Last Destination
Quinn's POV
I was smiling, but inside I was crying profusely. How could I not? I felt so guilty for involving Grayson in such a complicated matter.
I felt guilty because sometimes I unconsciously used him as an outlet for my anger. He who was innocent was sometimes the first to handle my emotions.
Trying to stay away from him didn't work either. Because in fact he didn't wanna stay away from me even for a moment.
It left me with no space to myself. Either to think or to make decisions that are truly my own.
It's not that I don't love Grayson. In fact, I love him so much that I don't want him to get hurt too.
I see Grayson as a new canvas. And I saw myself as the ink that leaked from its place and smeared the canvas.
So, you can imagine how much my guilt has grown to this day.
Now I'm trying to wipe away the ink that has soiled it. And I'm also trying to seal the leaking part so that I can still be with him without dirtying it.
"I don't see you from how you were in the past. But I see you for who you are now. I don't care how your past was, what matters now is that you're shaping a story with me, not with someone else."
I think my eyes are teary now because they are sore. But I didn't want to drop my tears, so I held them back.
"I'm sorry that I said that." Grayson took my left hand and grasped it tightly. "I actually feel disappointed and mad with myself. Because I only came into your life when everything was almost done. I feel… useless."
I shook my head. "No, please don't think that way. You couldn't have arranged our meeting either. It was fate. And I feel so grateful that you've contributed so much up to this point."
"Even so, it still feels wrong. Even I'm lost to Owen in this one. He found you first and knew you first."
I rubbed our clasped hands together. "It's not about who comes first. But I appreciate who sticks around until the end."
Grayson smiled very slightly. "You're right, Quinny. I'll certainly be the one who sticks it out to the end with you. So even if I can't be the first in your life, I'll be the last one to stand by your side."
I pursed my lips, pretending that this was funny. I was actually just trying to hold back tears. "Yes, make that happen. Prove it, Gray Bear."
Grayson turned to me for a moment. "I can prove it as long as you don't push me away again. Can you do it, Quinny?"
Though I wasn't entirely sure, I nodded. I wanted to try it. I wanted to prove it.
And finally we all arrived at the hospital where Dylan was being treated again.
Grayson and Owen and I had already gotten out of our cars. While mom and dad still hadn't gotten out of the car, they were still in there discussing what and doing what.
And suddenly in this rather tense moment, Grayson took my hand again and put his arm around me.
When I looked up, I saw him nod. "You can hold my hand when you feel nervous or doubtful or even when you're fine."
I honestly wasn't nervous because of dad. But I was nervous about the results of the tests that both of them were going to undergo.
Right now everything for me was about Dylan. Not about my parents or myself.
I just wanted them to take the test soon so I could know the results. The matter of our fractured and very messy relationship, I had no problem discussing it if Dylan was safe.
"I feel like banging on their car window to get them out," I muttered.
"I'll do it," Grayson said.
I immediately stopped him. "I didn't mean to actually do it, Gray Bear. Just a figure of speech."
"But if they don't come out, I can do it, right?"
There seemed to be no need. Because in the end, the car door opened.
Mom came out first. And then followed by someone I saw for the first time ever in my life, my dad.
I couldn't say anything when I saw him. How could I not? It turned out that his face was similar to mine.
If Dylan looks like Mom, then I look like my dad.
It sucks. Is this a punishment for him or for me?
The two of them then walked over here holding hands. And they stopped just a few steps away from us.
Dad looked at me without blinking but his eyes were red and teary.
Oh shit. I don't want a crying session here. At least not for now because that would definitely be a huge waste of time.
So therefore, before anyone spoke up and turned the atmosphere sour, I opened my mouth first.
"Let's follow me. We're going straight to the doctor to discuss Dylan's treatment plan," I explained.
Dad pressed his lips together even tighter. Mom, meanwhile, nodded without hesitation. "Come on, sweetheart."
I immediately pulled Grayson away. I was pretty sure Grayson was also very confused, but what could I do, our time was limited.
I can explain anything to Grayson later. But I couldn't delay bringing Dylan the donor.
So when we took the elevator together, with the exception of Owen who wasn't coming, we were silent. No one started a conversation or maybe no one knew how to start one.
But it's better this way. Because when we were all silent, no one was hurting each other.
Until the elevator doors opened and we all got out, there was still no conversation. I then just took them to see the doctor who was treating Dylan.
And this is where I finally broke this cold moment. Because I had to ask very detailed questions about my brother's treatment.
"Alright. So both parents will be undergoing tests?" the doctor asked.
"That's right, doctor. We want to know if any of us can help Dylan. Even if there isn't, we already have our sights set on who might be able to help," mom replied.
I paused, quite surprised. First because I didn't know they had a backup plan. And secondly because they were so pessimistic.
Even though it was more likely that Dylan would fit in with them than me. Unless Dylan wasn't their son so they should already have a backup plan.
Wait....
Don't tell me that Dylan isn't their biological son.
Don't tell me that... Dylan isn't my biological brother....
Don't tell me that one of us isn't actually their child….