Chapter 41: Chapter 41

Beck

Misty had just ripped out all of my brutally ugly feelings that I had carefully kept locked away and left them churning at the surface as she slipped into her bedroom, leaving me to sit with the reality she had unearthed. It wasn’t just about my lack of will to fully live, it was about the reality of my very dead mating bond. There were things I chose to remain in denial of. Questions I refused to want the answers too, though it was all right there if I picked it apart enough. Things I pushed aside to keep Alley’s memory clean of the thoughts that threatened to distort my perception of her, of us. The truth may be the thing that destroyed me. I set aside my thoughts of Alley, that betrayal was too deep to explore tonight and forced myself to look at the just-as-daunting dilemma in front of me. If I took my past out of the equation, what did I want to do here? Could I want to live in a world without her? Is that something she would want me to do? My eyes strayed down the hallway and I sighed. I wanted to make them safe, I wanted that little girl to grow up into the formidable she-bear she was apt to become under the right guidance. I found my mouth curving into a smile at the thought. Alley’s loss had been a turning point for me. It had altered my entire existence. However, I realized I chose to aid these women. Alley’s death had forced me to see them and there was no other option for my conscience but to aid them. Adelaide, Misty, and Cricket had somehow become more than the charges I had assisted over the years, and I couldn’t put my finger on why. I protected these women because they mattered, every single woman before them also mattered. It wasn’t Alley, it was my choice, my vendetta, my will to keep saving them. The revelation and my remorse over my poor past choices collided with the image of my beautiful mate gutted like a pig. I closed my eyes and took in a deep breath and came to the stark conclusion that Alley had also made mistakes. Regardless of what she had hidden, I knew she loved me. I just didn’t know if she could forgive me, but did I really need her forgiveness? Or did I need to forgive her in order to move on? I tossed back the rest of the glass, visions of my mate playing out in my mind as I sat in the silence besides the faint sounds of Cricket's music and the hum of night sounds from the city around us. Maybe Misty was right. Maybe Alley did want me to live my life and be content at least. The thing was, I had lone-beared it so long I had no idea where to start.

Misty

The following weeks went by in a blur, it had almost been a month since Beck told me about Alley, I still didn’t condemn him like he thought I should but I was watching him. Every action with Cricket was intentional, every conversion a lesson. The thing that worried me was if the man was learning to live. That I hadn’t seen. Cricket’s field trip was approaching and we had decided that he would meet us there and stay away from the group. His ominous physique wouldn’t bode well with first graders and their parents. I didn’t give a fuck but adult words had thier way of trickling down into their kids. Cricket had just gotten the wolves to leave her alone. I wasn't going to add a new layer for any other kid in her year to pick apart. Adelaide and Carter were amicable in a strange routine they had managed over the last few weeks. They both went to work, met for lunch, and recovered the furbabies. Every night they ate dinner together and more often than not they fell asleep at the other’s place. Adelaide was healing faster now and Creedon was still looking for her. I checked his tech team’s queries every night and altered some of the gathered information just to make things that much more frustrating for him.