Chapter 33: i learned not to look

Klaus’s pov

Ethan’s words didn't leave me.

They stuck , kept on lingering, hovering like an annoying little scar.

I did ruin things.

Ethan had always been right. Sure he'd spit out some bullshit sometimes but he always ended up being  right.

My thoughts visited that night. The night i should’ve listened to ethan and mind my fucking business.

I should never have poked around mom’s stuff.

I should never have listened to their argument.

I should never have said anything.

I thought I could fix it or make sense of everything but I only made things worse.

If I hadn't touched what was perfect, it wouldn't have gotten ruined.

Ethan was definitely right and I knew exactly what to do.

I stopped looking at her direction when I walked into class.

I stopped sitting where I could see her.

I stopped paying attention to where she sat at lunch.

And the more I desensitised myself into believing I didn't care anymore, the more it became easier.

Did I really get over her or was I so good at pretending I did?

Whichever one it was, it worked.

And being this version that everyone went crazy over became  easier.

The cool guy

The one always surrounded with people but didn't know half their names.

The one that didn't care what people said.

The overtalented kid who owned the stage.

And most of all… the dude that had the hearts of all the girls in the entire school’.

“Klaus” Julie’s voice  pulled me out of my thoughts.

I was leaning by my locker half listening to the story of how her fifth cat died. I mean how careless do  you have to be to lose five cats, they literally have nine lives.

It had been two months since Ethan and I spoke and three since the fight. Julie hung around me like a pest while Veronica gave death stares and played petty pranks to make her look bad.

I pretended not to notice of course, I didn't care.

“You’ve been off lately”she said raising a brow “did another girl get your attention”

“If that happens i doubt you’d let her live”

She smiled and moved closer. Too close but I didn't move a muscle.

“You weren't listening to what i said” she whispered

“‘I’m sure you'll lose another cat and tell me about it again” I replied and shut my locker without averting my gaze.

Her hands brushed against mine and I held on to her index finger for a split second before letting go.

Her cheeks flushed and I gave a satisfying smirk.

Before her entire face turned red and exploded from my gaze, I walked away.

She held my hand back before I could take two steps forward.

Predictable , like reading from a script. I knew she would ask me to walk her to class next or sit with her during lunch.

“Walk me to class?” she asked tilting her head to the side and giving me that puppy eye she thought I couldn't resist.

Bingo.

“Sure,” I smiled.

This version of me got addictive. I found myself slowly falling into the character over and over till I forgot who I truly was.

“Omg there's a pool party happening next week, you should come” julie said as we walked down the hallways, one of her arms crossed in mine and the other holding her phone.

“That sounds cool”

She went on rambling about God knows what and I almost went brain dead when I heard it..

“Oh my god eww, how did she get through the door”

My chest tightened.

I didn’t turn, didn't have to.

“More importantly, how did she leave her house looking like that” a familiar voice spoke and a few laughs followed.

I didn't look to confirm whose voice was that.

Julie kept on talking beside me , unaware.

“Hey fatty” the voice called followed by a loud thud “you belong on the ground, in dirt”

I almost turned.

I just wanted to check if she was okay, if she hit her head, if her friend was there to defend her at least.

But Ethan's voice rang in my head through the chaos.

She doesn't need someone like me– I reminded myself.

I clenched my jaw and kept walking and that hurt more than I had expected it to.

I didn't respond to the pain.

I didn't slow down because I knew deep down that if I did just for a second, I might kill someone.

I kept moving, convincing myself nothing was happening behind me, like she didn't exist.

I ruin things– i knew it but i just didn’t want to be told that

The moment I shut my ears and moved, I shut my heart too and began burying.

I buried the habit of looking at her,noticing tiny details about her.

I buried the feelings I had for her– deep down that rabbit hole I created for my emotions.

And just when I thought it was unreachable, when I thought I had finally learned how to exist in the same space as her without looking,without wanting,without….just without.

Senior year came

And there she was…

Standing on the same stage I fell for her.

On that same stage I had hoped stupidly that I'd see her on again.

Right in front of me.

Acting. No. living those lines like they were made just for her.

In that moment, my heart betrayed me but my looks maintained composure– no reaction, no expression.

My heart… it fluttered.

It remembered her, every part, every detail, everything.

And I realised, I never really stopped looking at her.

I just got better at looking away.