My room is dark. I turned off the light. If someone were to look in my room right now, they would assume that I was already asleep, but I wasn't. I caught a glimpse of his shadow in the pool and how the moon was reflecting him as I peered out the window.
Even though Christmas was already over, there were still fireworks. My friends send me a message, and I already know what's in it. Even though they dislike lengthy messages, they were still making one for me.
My brother and his wife are already in their room. My brother didn't look at me once after we exited the roof-top door and he never did. I think it’s for the best because I can’t let him be that weak.
My focus shifted to him. He seemed like he was about to leave. He had also been there for an hour. He just took a step while keeping an eye on my window and playing with his feet.
He won't even know that I was watching him because he won't see me here. I’m hiding behind the wall, and peeking in the small space of the curtain.
I slowly removed my gown. I went into my closet and took out a jacket and pajama. My hair is in mess and so my heart.
We have nothing to talk and discuss. I feel his heart more than him and I struggle to accept this sensation since I know how it ended for me.
I still did it anyway. When I returned to the window, he was still there. I let out a long sigh and made the decision to go with my emotions.
While it was dark inside, the Christmas lights helped to illuminate the place. It look so serene, peaceful and at home.
I moved gently till I got to the last door. It wasn't close to the pool. He turned his head toward me as I walked a few meters away.
Yes, I came.
I’m so nervous. I saw him parted his lips not expecting me to come…to appear infront of him.
Unbelievably, he mumbled, "You...you came," as I stood directly in front of him.
I nodded. “I didn’t expect either.” I whispered honestly. He offered his hand. At the pool, I noticed our reflection waving. I embraced it fearlessly after taking in his gaze.
He smiled, "I want to dance you too, but...they are glaring at me. I chuckle lightly. It's not even in doubt. "They're all very guarded, but that's great. You're in good hands.”
I nodded, agreeing to him. “I can’t help them. I am their princess.” I whispered, boasting. I feel his hand cold and I have a floating sensation in my chest.
Kairus played my hands delicately. The light in the garden, and the moon is giving us light. It gives us the perfect shadow.
I thought he was only playing with my hands. He spread out my hand and began carefully brushing it. I willingly offer my hand to him, and as he placed something in it, my mouth fell open. It was a lengthy gold bracelet or necklace.
“W-what’s this…?” Even though I already knew the answer, I still asked. I need an explanation.
I never expect that he would me place it to my hand and he wasn’t the type of the guy who buy accessories or even gift to a woman.
He place his hands again to my open palm, again. I couldn’t accept this. He chuckled, adorably. He slowly moved his finger to my hand to close my palm, to accept his gift, to close my palm.
“It’s my gift,” He said. “It’s your birthday.”
I muttered, "I know, but it's...too it's much. I spread my arms out and focused intently on the necklace. It was expensive, and the words inscribed caught my attention.
It’s my name or maybe not….
My heart beats so fast.
*Je t'aime
Je t'aime
Je t'aime
*
It’s my name but it spelled differently……it’s Jette Aime but…I am very familiar to that phrase.
Je t'aime means….I love you.
I gave him a serious in-eye stare. He grinned and extended his hand once again.
He said in a soft voice, "Your name is incredibly beautiful, just like you." I was unable to object or lose all of my strength as I felt the cold gold necklace around my wrist. When finished, he locked it.
I took another look at it. It's perfect, but as reality kicks in, I quickly withdrew my hands.
I looked at it, scared. It was so good and promising. It was so special and I was scared. As soon as he noticed, he took my hand and softly rubbed it. He tried to calm me by touching the bracelet.
“He muttered, "This is not an invitation, please don't feel scared. “I want to give you this because…because you are special and…and you attract me so well that I can’t sleep without giving you this…bracelet.”
I opened my mouth. “It’s too much…” he nodded, and mumbled so soft to himself.
He playfully smiled. “It’s look good in your hands, though.”
Ofcourse, he bought it expensively. The brand says it all. I averted my gaze. It’s too much indeed.
I assumed it would end in that way. When he placed his hand and bowed a little, I was too shocked to react.
“Can I have this dance?”
I bit my lip, and nodded. I freely accept his hand. There is no need for me to ask about this. I won't, and I'll remember this moment forever.
We were swaying without any music playing as I closed my eyes. He was gently guiding me to the side. I chuckle quietly and tilt my head toward his chest.
His heartbeat is fighting mine. I closed my eyes and feel his heart. That kind of heartbeat hasn't been heard in a while because mine is gradually fading.
I want it. We don’t need the song because our hearts were singing to us.
I’m interested in someone, and if he would talk, I'll listen to him.
I inhaled his scent. I never imagined this stiff, chilly guy could be so endearing.
“Tell me about your girlfriend…” I asked and he remained silent. I'm alright with it. Since what we are experiencing right now is so bizarre, we don't need to worry about the welfare of our thoughts or our feelings.
“About you, and your wife…” I continued.
I’m not going to be hurt or what. I want to listen and imagine his girl. I want to know how he fell in love. I want to know where she is right now. I want to know, and I know my heart won’t feel any stings since the way he wrapped his hands behind me, assured me that it don’t give me pain.
“I’m with Jette Aime.” He said so seriously like he wants me to know that he was are and sane right now.
“Hmm…I know…I just want to know…you.” I whispered. It was like a magic word since he slowly agreed.
“Her name is Lily. Her parents and mine were bestfriends. We know each other because of that, and we get close because we were both…both have the same personalities-
“Cold and proper?” I interrupted and chuckled. I yawned and he stopped swaying. “I’ll just lean my head to your chest.”
“Uh-uh…” He replied.
“Then, what’s next.” I urged him to continue.
“We just click and decided to court her. We understand our each other too much that even when I broke up with her, and she just agreed.”
“And then…” I softly mumbled. He chuckled and slowly caressing my hair makes me more want to sleep.
“I asked her and she admitted to me that she’s living her best life. She don’t want me to be with her all the time and…and she admitted that she’s sick.”
I went speechless. “You love her.” I said more than a clear statement. It was his time as well to become silent. “You missed her…you whispered her name when we…we were here too.”
That time, it broke my heart and now, nothing t broke because I’m losing it anyway.
“It’s a mistake.” He replied, and I stopped. “It was a mistake…a lie. I know, my hearts knows. It’s not Lily but it’s you… I know and you were so young and I can’t let those…those attractions lead to something that will make you hate me.”
“I’ve moved on from her. I love her but not anymore. We both let go each other. I love her and I realized that it wasn’t love but it was a serene feeling. It’s not strong like fire…calling your presence with me.”
I avert my gaze. I would like to live a longer life. I regret not meeting him sooner. I wish we still had time. Why it as to be me, and I hope it's not me. I wish I had been able to live pain-free and without being afraid to look back in time. In my life, I have asked the questions that I was too afraid to ask. I don't want to, but I have already asked.
Why me? Why am I still in pain when other people who have harmed their health are strong and live long lives? I've always been healthy and upright; why am I still in agony? Why provide hope to people who treat their lives like trash and why not? Why not help people who are struggling to survive? Why not save those who have been fighting for their lives.
My eyes were filled with tears, and I closed my eyes to rest.