Sixty two

Chapter sixty two

I left, wondering if that whole interaction had just been one bizarre dream. So many completely implausible things seemed to have happened to me lately that it wouldn’t have surprised me at all if I had woken up to find myself still employed at the salon, Luke just a figment of my (obviously) twisted imagination.

I felt agitated, and I didn’t know what to do with that. Part of me wanted to call Ian, wanted to go find him, throw myself into his arms again.Tell him I knew why he’d said what he did, and that he didn’t have to do what Sean said.

But instead of calling Luke, I called Carl. Whether he was aware of it or not, he had really helped me when I had talked to him for the research he was doing for his book, and I was hopeful that maybe he could help me again, though I wasn’t exactly sure what that help would look like.

“It’s good to see you again, Eva,” he said.

“Thanks for meeting with me. I know it was short notice.”

“Of course. So what is it that you wanted to talk about? You sounded a little frazzled when you called.”

“Well . . . a lot has happened since Ilast talked to you, yet somehow, I basically find myself in the same position that I was in before. Which seems odd because of all that has happened. And I just really don’t know how to process it. You know that guy that I said I felt like I was meant to be with? We ended up getting back together after that, because I was trusting my feelings, you know, like you had said. And it was great. Really, really great. For a very short time, I felt as though things were actually working out how they should be. I didn’t feel so . . . lost. Which I guess sounds kind of stupid now, but it’s the truth.”

“It doesn’t sound stupid,” Carl said. “So what happened?”

“What happened is the guy—Luke—suddenly told me he couldn’t see me anymore. It made no sense because we’d only just gotten back together, and things were great, and then out of the blue, he says this. Something didn’t seem right about it, but I couldn’t figure out what it was. And then this other guy that I’m kind of friendly with who is a client of Luke’s, he’s interested in me, I guess. And his father basically told Luke to back off so his son could have a chance.”

“Really,” Carl said. “That must’ve been a surprise to you.”

“It was. I mean, I don’t know exactly how old he is, but I think he’s closer to Ian’s age, so that makes him in his early thirties. And to have your father getting involved like that seems sort of . . . weird.”“Intrusive.”

“Exactly.”

“Desire is an interesting thing,” Carl said. “It’s closely intertwined with both pleasure and pain, and unchecked desire can morph into craving, into obsession. I think most people would say they want to be desired, but then you also run the risk of it going too far, which can be problematic.”

“Is that what this is all about?” I asked. “Desire?”

“Desire is the driving force behind a lot of things, not just romantic ones. I think what you need to do is figure out what it is that you desire. It seems you’ve been a rather passive participant in a lot of what has happened so far. My best advice would be to think about what it is that you, Luke, really want.”

I nodded. The way he put it, it sounded so simple, but the truth of it was, I had no idea what I wanted.

The next morning, I got up and checked my email, hoping for some response to any of the resumes that I’d sent out. Nothing. I reread the article that I’d written and did a little editing while I drank my coffee. I was about to start sending out more resumes when the doorbell buzzed. I went over to the intercom.

“Hello?” I said, trying not to sound wary. I really hoped it wasn’t Adam. 

“Eva,” a male voice said. “Hey. It’s Jonah. Can I come in?”“Jonah—hey. Sure. Hold on.” I went out and opened the main door and let him in. He followed me into my apartment.

“I’ve missed seeing you around the office,” he said. “How’s it been going?”

“It’s been all right. Still on the hunt for a job.”

“Yeah? That sucks. I know the market’s pretty tough out there right now.”

“Something will work out. I’ve been sending out resumes and stuff. I’ve got a little bit of money saved to tide me over.”

Jonah nodded. “Good. I’m glad to hear that. And Ben told me about what went down with Noah, so you probably won’t have to move now,right?”

“I don’t think so,” I said. “Unless of course I decide to uproot my life and go out to California or something. Maybe Seattle.”

“Really?” he asked. “You’re thinking about doing that?”

I shrugged. “I’m not sure—but maybe a change would be good? Maybe it’d be nice to see another part of the country. There’s not really anything holding me here anymore.”

He rubbed his palms together and took a deep breath. “Look, Eva,” he said. “I should’ve been up front with you about this from the very beginning. I like you. I like you a lot. Not in just a friend way. I mean, I think you’re a great friend, but I’ve been interested in you as more than just afriend for . . . well, it’s been a while.” I stared at him as his words started to sink in. Then I burst out laughing. Probably not the response that he was hoping for.

“I’m sorry,” I said, in between fits of laughter. “I’m not laughing at you. I’m just . . . this whole thing . . . I just don’t even know what to think.”

“It was messed up the way Ian’s been treating you,” he said. “But I . . . I did something.”

I stopped laughing. “You did something? What do you mean?”

“That whole thing with Martin Harris? That was me.”

“What do you mean, that was you? You were the one who let it get out that whole thing was happening?”“Yes.” He was trying not to smile. He looked at me as though he was expecting me to go over and give him a high five. “I know it probably doesn’t seem like much, but it’s something.”

I stared at him. “Why would you do that?” I asked.

“To get back at him, I guess. I realize how stupid it was. But I was really pissed at him. Not just because he lied to me about you.”

“What else?” I asked. “What else could he have possibly done to you that would make you want to sabotage your own company, just to hurt him?”

But Jonah was shaking his head. “This isn’t my company,” he said. “luke might like to play it off like we started this together, but at the end of the day, it’s his company. At the end of the day, he’s the one who’s in charge and calling all the shots. That’s how it’s always been though, even when we were just kids. I don’t know how much he’s told you about his past, but he basically integrated himself into my family. I think my mother loved him more than she loved me sometimes, to be honest. And he was always better at sports, and as we got older, he got stronger and better-looking, and it was like he could do no wrong. He hardly ever even works out, and he looks like that, did you know that? And my father had always hoped I’d join the military, but I wanted to go to college, and then Ian ends up as a Navy. He and I have a whole long history that I don’t think you’re even aware of.”

very well be the case, but that doesn’t mean you should’ve done something like that, Jonah. That’s pretty messed up. Luke was adamant that it wasn’t someone on this end. He trusts you.”