Chapter 8: Don't speak.

**Raegan**

He entered the Alpha's suite first, letting me stand in his oversized bedroom while he disapeared into his walk in closet. He hummed to himself as the sounds of him rummaging through his clothes filled the room. I heard him grunt a few times, and just as I was about to ask if he was okay, he emerged from the closet in a t-shirt and black silk pajama pants, with a t-shirt and black silk pajama *shorts* in his hands.

He smiled, and handed me the clothes as he took my hand into his once more and walked me down the hall.

"Do you mind if we have dinner together?" He asked. His hand was clammy in mine, and I couldn't help the smile that reached my face as I realized he was nervous.

"Sure," I shrugged.

"I just-- I don't think I'm ready to part from you quite yet," he explained, rubbing the back of his neck.

I nodded, "I understand. I don't mind having company while I eat. It's rather lonely to eat alone."

He let out a sigh of relief, and his shoulders visibly relaxed. He opened the door and walked inside with me in tow. He pointed to a door, "the bathroom is that door, and the one next to it is the closet," he said.

I nodded, and let go of his hand to go to the bathroom and change.

I shut the door and locked it before turning on the sink and splashing my face with water. I repeated it multiple times, trying to clear my head, and when I felt a little better, I shut the water off and started to take the hundreds of pins that held my hair in place out.

It took longer than I'd like to admit, but finally my curls were down and out of the tight hairstyle that I'd donned for the evening.

I slipped out of my dress and folded it on the towel rack with a sigh before pulling on his clothes.

I looked at myself in the mirror to make sure I didn't look completely out of sorts.

I inhaled sharply, and pursed my lips. I couldn't reject him. I couldn't do that to him, or myself. But I didn't have any other option if I wanted to take my life into my own hands. I wanted to chose who I would spend my life with, how could I do that when the Moon Goddess was pulling every string she could to take my autonomy away?

But would rejecting him just play right into her cards? What if she wanted me to reject him just so that I could pick a chosen mate that she had better suited for me in the first place? Or what if who I do end up chosing never lived up to the sparks of the bond I had with my True Mate?

I groaned, my head starting to hurt with the hoops I was jumping through.

"Dinner is here," Coal said loudly from the bedroom. That was enough to snap me from my thoughts and head back into the room. He was setting up two plates on the floor beside the fireplace in between the sofas in the living space. I swallowed thickly, and joined him on the throw blanket he'd laid down.

He placed a plate in front of me and my mouth watered at the sight.

I'd missed Annalise's cooking greatly when I left.

I quickly got to work cutting apart the steak and taking a bite of it. I moaned in delight as the flavors melted in my mouth.

The King groaned, "god, please don't make that sound." He said with his eyes shut and his hand gripping his fork tightly.

Those traitors that called themselves butterflies in my stomach flapped their wings once more.

I inhaled sharply, and nodded, "sorry, I didn't mean to."

"It's fine, I just," he took in a deep breath and opened his eyes to reveal his dialated pupils and darkened irises. "God, I'm having a hard time keeping him in check."

I nodded again, and quickly stuffed my mouth with more food.

"Is it good?" He asked, clearing his throat.

I nodded, and covered my mouth with my hand, "*yes.* I have seriously missed her cooking."

He raised an eyebrow.

"Kai, ex-fiancee, we literally met because he was trying to kidnap me and force me to marry him," I explained, raising my eyebrows.

He scrunched his nose up, and shook his head, "remind me to let him starve for a week before I even go see him."

I nearly choked on my food in surprise. "What?"

He started to cut into his steak with a sniff of his nose.

"I'm sorry," I swallowed my bite, "what did you say?"

"Remind me to starve him before I see him," he said with a shrug.

I shook my head and searched his face.

He looked up at me through his lashes and blinked a few times. He chewed his bite of steak slowly, and swallowed just as slowly before he opened his mouth to speak again, "he tried to kidnap you and force you to be his mate. Even if you weren't my mate I would have detained him and tortured him," he said simply, "in fact, I'm not currently ordering my guards to torture him because you, my mate, have specifically requested that he not be shown cruelty to protect my image. If you weren't my mate, I'd have lied and said I wouldn't torture him and then tortured him behind your back." He popped another bite of food into his mouth.

"So you're admitting to being a liar?" I raised my eyebrows.

He thought about it while he chewed and swallowed, again slowly.

"Lying is sometimes necessary for the greater good, as King my interest is always in the greater good, so lying is sometimes necessary for me to do." He shifted so that his legs were criss-cross-apple-sauce.

I inhaled sharply, but nodded, "right answer."

"I wasn't aware I was being tested," he chuckled.

"I'm sitting in a stranger's apartment, wearing his clothes, and eating his food. Of course you're being tested," I scoffed, "I need to know you're not gonna like, tie me up and keep me up here for the rest of my life and never let me see my friends again."

His eyes darkened, and flashed down to my wrists briefly.

*What are you thinking?* I asked internally.

He looked back up to my eyes, and I swallowed thickly.

"I'm thinking about how nice it would be to tie you up and keep you up here," he said, his voice was husky and raw, and I shuddered at it. My wolf howled in our shared space, and I felt arousal start to ignite in my veins.

Wait.

How did he know what I was thinking?

"How--?" I started to ask but cut myself off.

He smiled wolfishly at me, and leaned forward, "you asked it out loud, Raegan."

*Shit.*

He chuckled and leaned back, taking another bite of his food as if he hadn't just teased me with the idea of him tying me up.

I groaned, and ran my hands down my face, "goddess, you're making this whole 'leaving you behind' thing hard as hell to fathom with talk like that," I muttered absently to myself.

A growl ripped through the air, and my hands were removed from my face, "*leaving me behind*?" He asked me, his eyebrows raised high, and his eyes wide.

"Shit," I said quietly, and felt my own eyes widen.

"Raegan, what did you mean by that?" He asked quietly, moving his hands from my wrists to intertwine our fingers.

I sighed, and pulled my hands from his to start pacing the length of the fireplace. "I... I was going to tell you tomorrow. When things settled down. I-- I-- Your Majesty, I-- I don't want a mate," I chewed the inside of my cheek, trying not to glance at him.

"Pardon?" He asked, his voice cracking.

"I just, I don't, I can't let myself let my fate be determined by anyone other than *me*, and I just-- I don't know what to do. I can't deny the bond, and I know I can't reject you. The turns of destiny are too intertwined in each decision I make, and I don't want to make a decision that plays directly into the Goddess' hand. I also don't want to make a decision I'll regret, and rejecting you is permanent, I don't... I don't want to do that until I know for sure it's what I need to keep my fate in *my* hands. And I don't think I could bring myself to reject you even if I figured out I wanted to. It's... I didn't expect the bond to feel like this. Like you're the strongest magnet in the world and I'm a shard of metal a thousand miles away, and you just start pulling me in. The bond is so much different than I thought it would be. And I'm so confused. The longer I think about it, and the longer I have time to breathe from the adrenaline of seeing Kai and running for my life, and meeting you, the more anxious and confused I get. Shit, coming here I even charmed myself to disguise my scent long past the effects of the charm you placed on the palace, just because I couldn't risk my mate finding me and throwing everything off. And... and now you've found me, and you haven't exactly thrown anything off, if anything it feeds into my plan to be your True Mate, but... I can't shake this feeling that this whole time I've been fighting for myself the Moon Goddess has just been laughing at me--"

"You're not rejecting me?" He asked softly, breaking me from my speech and the thought process I was on.

I stopped pacing and looked at him. His face was absolutely crestfallen. His shoulders were slumped, and his eyes were trained on mine intently. I shook my head and got to my knees in front of him. I cupped his face in my hands, "no, no, no, Coal. I'm-- I'm not going to reject you, I truly don't think I could find the strength in me to reject you. I'm just confused," I said looking between his eyes and stroking my thumbs over his cheekbones.

He put his hands over mine where they laid on his face, and his lower lip quivered. I whined at the sight of him and wrapped my arms around his neck and hugged him tightly.

"If you're not rejecting me, but you don't want a mate, what are you going to do?" He asked, pushing me back gently to look into my eyes.