Chapter 33: First Sight

**Coal**

Fireworks. Fireworks and tingles, and perhaps, maybe, unfortunately, a rush of heat to my... well, you know.

That was what I felt when her tongue licked my lips. When she kissed me. I touched my lips gently. My first kiss.

My heart raced in my chest, and I felt my cheeks go red.

It was life or death after that. Not for me. For the doctors. After she pulled back, my wolf wanted more, and he damn near took control of my body just to get rid of everyone else in the room so we could have more. Naturally, they sedated me after that. So now it was midnight, and I was alone on my bed, nursing my wounds and thinking about my first kiss.

*More.* My wolf demanded, pacing the space he lived in when he wasn't in control.

I shook my head, *no. She's asleep.*

He growled at me, and I cast a glance to where my mate was asleep on my sofa. She was snoring softly again, her limbs thrown this way and that. Her head hung off of the side of the sofa with her hair cascading to the ground.

I took in a deep breath, and touched my lips again. She tasted sweet. Like honey. I wondered if that was the mate bond, or her. Either way, I wanted more. More. More. More.

With a groan, I turned on my side to push those thoughts away. It worked. But only because it sent a searing pain through my shoulder. I hissed and shot up with a soft yelp as the stitches on my side strained with the sudden movement.

Raegan stirred, and it looked like she was going to get up, so I did the only thing I could think of to soothe her back to sleep. I purred. Like a goddamn kitten.

She fell back into her sleeping breathing pattern, her soft snoring picking up once more.

I sighed, and laid back down.

I laid my forearm over my eyes, and forced myself to count to two hundred to try and sleep.

By one hundred and eighty six I was tired. By two hundred, I was out.

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"I've done nothing but bring trouble. It's better if I go back to Stone Moon," I heard Raegan's voice say distantly. My wolf was instantly awake. "And... maybe I shouldn't consider coming back. I-- I may not be able to reject him formally, but I... he doesn't deserve to be dragged into my mess of shit on top of his own. Kai wouldn't have come here this week if I hadn't been here."

Someone sighed, and I kept my eyes shut. This was an important conversation, and I had the feeling Raegan wouldn't tell me she was feeling things like this.

"Raegan, he's your mate. You can't just ghost him--" I pinned the voice to Alpha Shawn.

"Bullshit. It's for his own good--"

"No it's not. Don't give me that shit, Raegan. I'm your best friend. I know better. You're starting to think twice about the mate bond, aren't you?" Shawn asked, audibly annoyed.

Raegan huffed, and I heard a soft shuffling.

"No. I'm not. I still hate it. I still hate the control that everyone else seems to have over me. I don't... I don't want the bond to chose who I'm supposed to be with."

Shawn sighed again, "the King would still be dealing with Kai. Regardless of if he was your mate or not. Kai has it out for the throne still. That much is obvious. So your guilt, or whatever the fuck you're feeling over that, shouldn't be there. The only other reason I could see you saying something like this is if you were starting to get attached and it's scaring you."

"I don't want the bond. I never did. I told everyone that."

"That went out the window when you declared it in front of Kai's followers and all of the King's guards. Not to mention the handful of international Alpha's that were there too."

Raegan cursed under her breath. "I didn't mean to do that," she sighed.

"Well, you did. And when he wakes up, and addresses those Alphas before they home, you're going to have to face the music, sweetie." Shawn said grimly, and then I heard her feet pad on the floor towards the door, and then the door opened and closed.

Raegan sighed, "you can stop pretending to be asleep now." She muttered.

I opened my eyes, and gritted my teeth as I sat up, "how'd you know I was faking it?"

"I am hyper aware of everything you do, your Majesty," she walked over to me from the sofa, and then sat down on the bed beside me, "I can tell when your breathing pattern changes."

I sighed, and scooted back against my headboard.

She looked down at my bare chest, and her lips pulled into a frown. "I'm sorry he did that to you," she said, and pulled her lip in between her teeth.

I shook my head, "don't apologize for his actions, Raegan."

"He wouldn't have been there if I--"

"No," I shook my head again, "I don't want to hear that. I heard it once when you told Shawn, I don't want to hear it again. He wants what I have. That isn't on you. That's on me. *I* shouldn't have killed his father and taken his birthright."

She shook her head now, "no. The Kingdom is better with you. He doesn't deserve what you won. His dad never *wanted* him to inherit the throne. He was training *me* to take over the role when he passed. It was why he was so hellbent on finding the right match for Kai. He'd never tell Kai that though," she whispered.

I furrowed my brows, "is that why he wants you back so desperately? Is there any way he would have found out that you were going to be the primary ruler when his father stepped down?"

She shook her head, "he doesn't know. He just wants me because he thinks he owns me. It's not actually about *me*. It's about the fact that he lost."

I nodded, and looked down at my comforter. "Raegan?"

"Yes?"

"If you want to ghost me, that's fine." I whispered.

Her body went rigid, and I couldn't bring myself to look up at her.

"I won't hate you for it. I'll hurt, and it'll suck, but I won't hate you. I... I understand why you don't want the Goddess meddling. I understand you're scared of the bond. That's... that's fine too. I just," I closed my eyes and took in a deep breath. My wolf started to struggle with me, and try to make me not say the next thing I was going to say, "if you're going to ghost me, promise you'll formally reject me when you get your wolf on board."

She swallowed loudly, and her breathing got ragged while her heartrate increased.

The door to my suite opened after a long while, and I looked up to see Hannah walking in with a tray of food in her hands and Cassian on her tail.

Raegan stood up, and dusted herself off, bowing her head respectfully at Hannah and Cassian before leaving without saying another word.

I blinked back the tears that were starting to sting at my eyes, and looked up at the ceiling.

"Does it hurt?" Hannah asked.

"He broke half of his body yesterday, of course it hurts," Cassian muttered.

I shook my head, "no, the pain is fine. I'm fine."

I looked back at them as Hannah brought the tray of breakfast to me. She set it down beside me and let me pick at it as I wanted. I took the toast first and bit into it quickly.

"What is it then, buddy?" Cassian asked, sitting at the foot of the bed with his head cocked to the side.

I shook my head again, stuffing my mouth with food to avoid answering him.

He sighed, but didn't ask further. Not until I was done with all the food on the tray and had nothing left to use as a buffer between my brain and audible responses.

"So?" He pressed, and Hannah sat on the side of the bed looking at me with raised eyebrows.

"Raegan's going back to Stone Moon," I said.

"Yeah? She was planning on going back there to--" Cassian started, but I pursed my lips and shook my head, forcing him to stop.

"No, Raegan's going back to Stone Moon indefinetly. She's... she's not interested in seeing the mate bond through any longer."

"So she's not planning on coming back at all?" Cassian sputtered out, his brows knitting together.

I shook my head.

"Is she rejecting you?" Hannah asked.

"I've asked her to."

"What does that mean?" Cass leaned towards me.

"It means I have asked that if she plans to leave without coming back that she rejects me. When she gets the oppurtunity to get her wolf on the same page so that she *can* reject me."

Hannah cursed, "you're shitting me."

I shook my head.

"Why would you agree to something like that? Why wouldn't you just reject her?" Hannah threw her hands in the air and got to her feet before pacing the length of the foot of my bed.

"Because I don't want to reject her. I don't want to throw away the bond. I also promised her that I wouldn't reject her."

"Why would you make a promise like that?!" Hannah glared at me.

"Because she's his mate, Hannah," Cassian sighed. He laid his hand on my ankle, and gripped it gently, "I'm sorry, Coal. This whole situation is so fucked up."