Chapter 28: Parting can be Such Sweet Sorrow

**Raegan**

"This food is seriously good," I complimented, "I'm glad I'm not the only one who knows how to cook here," I nodded approvingly.

"I'm glad you think I know how to cook," he chuckled, "I got this recipe from Annalise. She made it clear to me that I needed to know how to cook for my mate, and not knowing how to do so would be a violation of the bond."

I groaned, "I knew that telling her would be an interesting option."

He smiled while taking another bite.

"Can I ask something?" He said after he swallowed.

I nodded, "shoot."

"Why do you question your faith?" His voice was soft, and his gaze was cast down into his lap.

I inhaled deeply, and pushed my food away from myself, "I think it's because of my dad."

He sat silently, waiting for me to add more. And despite myself, I added more.

"When he died everything went to shit, mom was consumed by her grief, and we were in a pack that only wanted us because my father had promised me to the Alpha's son. Everything felt like it couldn't get any worse. Then, the Alpha's son found out I was supressing my wolf. He didn't like that all too much. He threatened to tell his dad, and get my family thrown out if I didn't shift so he could mark me. That was when I was seventeen. He gave me a week to do it, to get it over with so that when I was eighteen he could mark me and make me his forever. I'd agreed to it already. I was just putting off the inevitable. The engagment had been made when I was thirteen, I didn't have a choice. Not really. They'd expected me to be ready to be marked on my sixteenth birthday, but, y'know, I supressed her. So we didn't shift. At first I don't think she was mad about it, but eventually she got pissed I wouldn't just let her tear their heads off. Then she would only ever insult me. Tell me how weak I was for letting the Alpha's son walk all over me like that. Let him blackmail me," I shook my head as I remembered the little twit who tried to forcibly mark me, "so, in that grace period he gave me, he backed off thinking he'd won. So I did what I could think to do to make him not want me anymore. I slept with the pack Beta."

I watched the King carefully. He didn't react more than a little shocked look in his wide eyes, but then he nodded for me to continue, so once again, I did.

"They threw us out, stating that we were spitting on the generosity that they had shown us. Two years later, the King and Kai showed up on our doorstep. The King verified our names, and my blood. And when the maternity test came back a few days after sending it off, he and Kai came to retrieve me. Mom didn't fight it, but Jayce did. Jayce insisted that I had a true mate that I needed to wait for. A true mate that would be severely hurt by my marking of another wolf, not to mention the lack of free will he was showing to a Pack Second in training. In the end though, they managed to get me away from Stone Moon and lock me up here. It wasn't until that second month of living in the palace did I realize how shitty everything was. The King who was supposed to be chosen by the Goddess herself was forcing me to mark and mate with his son. His son who was also supposed to be chosen by the Goddess. And my father who was chosen by the Goddess to lead a pack was killed in a challenge to the death in front of his mate and child. And an Alpha who was also chosen by the Goddess made a deal with a *thirteen* year old to betroth her to his son, and then threw her aside the second she lost her 'virtue'. I know that I did it so that they wouldn't want me, but the hypocrisy of it was so... infuriating. I knew that his son had been active sexually, shit he even flaunted it, but the second I had sex I was worthless and ungrateful. It dawned on me that the Goddess couldn't possibly be all too benevolent and all seeing if she would let so many shitty men have so much power. If she would let me go through all of that. If she would let every she-wolf with Alpha blood be bartered and traded for like fucking vases, she couldn't *possibly* be all that she was cracked up to be."

He was watching me as I finished my tirade. His eyes were calculating, searching. He nodded his head slowly, "I can see that." He laid all of his cutlery on top of his plate, and leaned forward, "what about now? Why is the mate bond making your questioning more... confusing?"

I smiled, "because you're the bone the Goddess threw my way."

His eyebrows shot up into his hairline, and a small smirk crossed his lips, "care to elaborate?"

I rolled my eyes, and folded my arms over my chest. "You know what I mean."

"Do I?"

I nodded.

"I don't think I do," he grinned, "you'll need to spell it out for me."

"Granted, you're a little arrogant for my taste," I started, smirking when he grimaced, "you're not exactly like the wolves I've been with in the past."

He stayed silent, not uttering a word while he reclined slowly in his seat, waiting for me to go on.

"You're nice, okay?" I grunted, "you're not overbearing, and you smell nice. Kai didn't shower all too often, and his underarms smelled like onions ninety percent of the time."

"So I'm the bone the Goddess threw you because I'm nice, and I don't smell like onions?" He grinned, a chuckle breaking from his lips.

"Yes. Though... now that I'm saying it, I'm realizing how low the bar is for me," I frowned.

"So raise it," he offered with a shrug of his shoulders as if it were that simple.

I rolled my eyes. "Because it's that easy."

"It's not," he shook his head, "but what does it hurt to raise it? You get dissapointed by someone who couldn't meet it, and you move on until you find someone who can not only reach it but pulls themselves over it. If dissapointment is the only thing you have to lose, I'd say that's a risk well worth it."

"You realize that you're just making things harder on yourself trying to win me over, right?" I pursed my lips, trying to deflect the conversation from myself.

He grinned, "I'm always up for a challenge," he leaned forward even more, raising an eyebrow as he looked down to my lips briefly then back to my eyes, "not that it will be much of one. Afterall, I'm not exactly like the wolves you've been with in the past."

I fought the blush that creeped up my neck to my cheeks, "cocky much?"

"More like *confident,*" his eyes trailed back to my lips, "I was made to be the perfect match for you, Raegan. Wether you believe in the Goddess or not, and wether you trust her to make decisions for you or not. What kind of perfect match would I be if I didn't fight for you to understand your worth? Even if you don't end up deciding that you want me, you deserve someone *worthy* of you."

"Worthy?" I looked down at my plate, pushing some of my food around with the fork to distract my eyes from the intensity in his gaze. He wholly believed every word that left his mouth, and he truly sounded like he just wanted me to know what I deserved in a relationship. But what was that? What did I deserve in a relationship? The bare minimum of respect and autonomy? Unconditional love and care? Both.

"Someone who will worship you for everything you are," he exlpained, "not for the potential they see in you." He got out of his seat, and rounded the island, never looking away from me. Then he sat beside me, and twisted my stool so that I was facing him, my knees landing in between his, "and I know for a fact," he gently lifted my face by gripping my chin gently. I looked up into his green eyes, and immediately I was comforted out of the anxiety of his intensity. "You're worth falling to my knees and praying for."

I blinked several times, trying to fight against the current of emotions running through my body. Where had words like this been that first year with Kai? Where had this comfort been? Canada, apperantly.

He cupped my face in both hands, his fingers splayed out on either side of my neck, and his thumbs gently tracing lines on my jaw.

"Goddess," he whispered, his eyes scanning my face slowly, his brows knitting together as he studied me. He took in every small feature of my face as if his life depended on it. "You deserve the world, and so much more Miss Martin."