Walk Through The Fire
I had always been fine on my own but then he paved his way like a sudden storm that bounds you to the power and beauty of its thunder and lightning. It gets harder with each day my fight dissolving yet my deliverance of his sin, I find it to be the hardest of all.
Something in my heart stirs and one of my cherished memories of him sparks to life. The day he showed me his cabin he built growing up. I thought I knew him inside out yet there always seems to be that wall between us I cannot break down. That blindness that we cannot escape.
Closing my eyes trying to fight my new thoughts that wish to take over my senses and actions. "I do not think that is a good idea." I whisper to myself yet my mind does not pay heed to my own words. Quite amusing it truly is.
Cursing for not having the will to fight me I turn swiftly heading towards a parked car. The pack has several vehicles in their possession but there is only one dedicated for Deimos's private use.
Getting into the driver seat I start the engine. I did learn to drive back in my prior pack rather I drove myself everywhere. Yet after I had come here there was no need to.
Rolling down the windows allowing the breeze to swim throughout the car I indulge in the feelings of tranquillity it gives me.
I do not know why I feel pulled to go to that place now and all of a sudden. But perhaps to relive it. Perhaps to somehow go back in time.
The drive is quite short for it isn't far from the castle. Gazing at the familiar yet distant hills I smile to myself. I remember how the beats of my heart picked up and I held my breath. I bet he was nervous as well but didn't show it.
Parking near the cabin my hands clutch the steering wheel tighter. I am anxious yet a part of me is excited to be here. As if I were the long last lover who had finally returned to comfort the one who was forgotten. This cabin I want to make it a safe haven for Kal just as it was to Deimos but when my male grows to become a juvenile. I want it to be a place he can always come to, a place he would call his.
Striding down the stone path I chuckle to myself my palm held over my beating heart. Feels like the first time somehow and nervousness floods me.
My eyes wander around the area and I finally get a good look at the cabin. Deimos has indeed built it excellently no wonder he could do Kal's crib with perfection. I wonder if he did it himself or if our wolves helped him. The roof needs to be fixed and the door needs a slight polish.
Opening the door has me thinking I need to get a new handle as well. It has lost its colour and looks rusty. Not a good sign. Perhaps I can call on my wolves with Deimos's permission of course for this cabin is something he holds close to his heart.
I am quite sure he would allow it for it is for his male. And maybe he could help in drawing up some plans and we- "Deimos?" I question my eyes widening as I stand still at the doorway my breath caught in my throat.
He bounds Kal to his chest in his left hand whilst his right stirs the dish cooking upon the stove. Soft music plays in the background and he halts to my voice eyes stuck on me sweeping down my flesh, a deep frown paints his face as if he is pondering over if I am real or a fragment of his hallucination.
"What are you doing here?" I question not making a move to get inside. Why are we both here? At the same place. I came here to relax yet why must he be here as well? Is this why I was called here? Was this the secret doing of our bond?
"Spending time with Kal." He replies to my question that pulls him back from his haze. He doesn't say anymore going back to his cooking tearing his eyes off me. He acts though as his interest lies elsewhere rather than his female who stands in front of him. Is this his truth or is this an act? Is this because of my words to him? Because I said I hated him?
Clearing my throat several questions slip past my lips. "Do you come here often? How come I did not see any cars out? What about Kal, how did you bring him?"
"Yes. Only with Kal for I keep getting disturbed in our pack when my time comes for me to spend with him. I park my car elsewhere and walk here so my male can enjoy the freshness of nature. I have a special seat for pups installed in my passenger seat." He speaks merely to answer my questions not saying anything else whilst turning the stove off eyes still away from me.
"Right. I see. This...this is your private time with him. I shall leave now." I give a curt nod whispering my words to him. With a final glance at my male who calls for his father's attention with his coos and moans, I turn around swiftly prepared to leave. I shall perhaps come her another time. What did I even come here for?
"Stay." He speaks from behind me halting my movements. I swallow visibly turning my hands into fists my back still turned to him.
"I have some matters to attend to." I lie straight through my teeth.
"You must learn to lie better, mate. You came all the way here and it would make you feel empty to leave just like that. Stay." He mutters.
I swiftly turn around words of disapproval patiently waiting to be thrown at him. Yet when my eyes find his flesh as he sips on the dish he cooked from the large wooden spoon for a taste I am swayed.
I look around the cabin, the low ceilings, lamps that make the room livelier, the warm kitchen light that lights up the counter and finally the two males present that shine brighter to me than the sun. This is what I wanted, this was the dream I fought hard for.
My eyes stray down to the door block that sort of pushes me to make a decision. I can choose to take a step forward or a step back. It has been almost four months since he and I have been together alone in one room. I do not want him to take this as a sign of my forgiveness or a move forward in our journey. I think it is better to leav-
"Do not think too much of this. I am merely inviting you in for I think it is almost time to feed our male. I do not think he will wait for the ride back home. You may also eat what I have made if you wish to for I unknowingly made more than I eat." He says shattering my inner struggle whilst pouring the dish into two bowls easing the tension of my thoughts.
I look at the clock hanging on the wall on the opposite side of the room. There is time. There is enough time for me to take Kal home now with me and feed him. I can do that. But I...I won't do it for I do not wish to shorten the time he has with his male.
Shutting my eyes close I take a slow breath in calming to register my taken decision. My right foot takes the first step forward followed by my left. Deimos still has his eyes away from me his attention on fixing lunch.
Closing the door softly behind me I head towards the sofa plopping on it sitting straight not comfortable enough to lean back. Rubbing my hands together to ease my bubbling nervousness whilst my ears pick up the sharp clanging of utensils.
He strides towards the sofa and my heartbeat quickens as if it were on a race. I keep my eyes glued to the small table in front of me. Kal keeps talking to us making his bubbly noises as always content that Deimos and I are both here.
He places the bowl on the table that my eyes lay upon. I look up at him to whisper my thanks. "Eat it when it is hot for it does not taste good when eaten cold. The flavour dies."
I give him a curt nod staring at the steam the heat of the dish produces. He takes a seat at the other end of the sofa putting enough distance between us. There is a deep silence between us, not one that is comforting but an awkward one that I wish to escape.
Deimos tickles Kal's belly as he begins to laugh mouth curling wide at the sides tiny hands reaching to pull on his father's beard. My attention turns to the sofa we both are seated on and sudden memories flash in my mind of what we did on top of this. I take a shaky breath in as his eyes snap to mine figuring out what I am thinking.
He swallows harshly eyes dropping to my lower lip that my teeth sink into. Our instincts are fighting with the other trying to win over the weakest now that we are in a situation we ought not to be in. He breaths through his slightly ajar mouth so that he can escape the essence of my scent. It is a true struggle for him just as it is for me.
There are no other scents for us to take but each other and Kal's. But Kal is merely a pup and it shall take more years to grow stronger. His scent pulls me in cradling me as if I were fragile. Our eyes do not leave each other our chests pulling in to take heavy breaths.
He makes no move towards me merely watching with his emeralds taking me in to sate the hunger that clouds over him. Not a sexual one but one of comfort and warmth. One he had craved with the entirety of his heart and mind. His soul is bare for me to sink into and drown.
I can choose to see whatever I wish, I can gather anything I need to use against him for our trials. He gives me such freedom to tie him down if it pleases me. He wants me to do whatever I wish to satisfy my hate.
I shake my head a deep frown on my face. "I-I did not mean it. I just-" His emotions flood my senses swiftly and what Cronus had said to me was true. He is drowning.
"Do you not wish to eat? Do you need to take Kal back home? It is all right, you may take him I can spend more time perhaps tomo-" He begins to speak changing the topic swiftly after analyzing my body language for he cannot read my thoughts. There are no walls around him but there is one I have up. He shifts preparing to get up and I stop him.
"I did not mean it." I declare my truth without further hesitation. It is not right of me to sweep it under the rug and allow him to slowly tear himself away.
"Mean what?" He frowns leaning back into the sofa.
"When I said that I hated you, I did not mean it. I was furious and frustrated and I took it out on you. My feelings of you are different but not hate."
He keeps silent for a few minutes taking in my words I just uttered to him. His eyes do not stray away from mine even when Kal demands his attention. "Answer me, this. Do you look at me as your male whom you can forgive or your Alpha tied down to his title whom you shall never deliver what he seeks?"
It was not an easy question. It can bring us together and see light at the end of this dark road or show us the truth that we are not meant for each other. It could break us apart. But he is leaving that for me to decide as he stands in the same position of his feelings for me.
"For me you were, is and shall always be my light. No matter what your emotions towards me, no matter our trials and tribulations, no matter our sins to each other. Your place for me shall always be here." He places his palm over his beating heart eyes giving me proof of his truth. I remember the first time I met him he had told me my place was beneath him yet now it has changed to become a part of him. Being one. Being equal.
"I do not know the answer to your question. I am conflicted, I feel as though I may never see you in that light again. My soul is not healing, Deimos. It has not scarred yet, the flesh is raw and bleeding. I want to forget everything and just be peaceful. Even if I decide to become a family, you may never be mine again." I say waiting for his reaction to the painful strike of my words.
But there is no visible reaction from him and his heart remains the same. He takes my words in with strength and does not fall. He takes my words in understanding and does not waver.
"I believe we can get through this, mate." He says softly the words he had kept within for a while.
"Get through this how? Get through this how Deimos? You speak as if it is easy to do so. Perhaps I need to understand this tradition, this situation further but even thinking of it makes me gag and images I wish to burn flood my mind. Put yourself in my shoes, feel the betrayal I am being destroyed by." My voice raising blood burning in my veins. My lips quiver whilst my hands tremble for I am showing him my truth little by little.
He remains his calm self merely taking in every word I say to him. "It is quite easy indeed. We do it together." He mutters.
"There is nothing else left to do together." I whisper digging my nails into the flesh of my palms.
"There is one, mate. To walk through the fire."