Lonely
"Why must you leave?" I sigh folding Kal's freshly washed and dried clothes. My eyes peeking into the basket inspecting if I had left any. I am aware of the answer to my question yet I still ask it for satisfaction so my mind can get around it and let him go.
"Because of my responsibilities. I am an Alpha, Lumina." Cronus replies whilst chuckling not to my words but Kal's cute antics. The two males are bonding upon my bed. Kal lies on his stomach in the same position I placed him a few minutes ago, hands flailing his lower body moving with a playful bounce.
Cronus has his finger tucked into Kal's left palm as he gazes down at him with a soft smile. "He is growing up fast."
"Too fast for me. He shall become a four-month-old soon." I reply whilst grabbing the laundry basket and taking it into the bathroom.
"He would be spoilt with presents on his first birthday. There would be a competition among packs to see who would send him the best gift despite him being merely a year old." Cronus declares the truth.
"Indeed. And I would have to spend hours opening them all up for him to see." I mutter walking back to them taking a seat opposite Cronus the mattress groaning with our combined weight.
Kal begins to speak his language as soon as his eyes set upon me a wide toothless smile on his face. "Yes. I know. I know." I coo replying to his incomprehensible words with my own as if I truly understand him. His smile swiftly disappears and he stares at me with those emeralds, mouth wide open perhaps trying to figure out my words to him.
"I think he understands you." Cronus says astonished looking up at me with surprised eyes.
"My emotions, yes he senses them with ease and bawls if I am upset or there is thick tension around me. So in a way he does." I utter my fingertips tickling the plump flesh of Kal's neck as he gurgles and plops down on his blanket tired of keeping his body upright.
Cronus brings his forearm towards his chin to gaze down at his wristwatch. "They should be ready soon." He says speaking about his warriors he had arrived with. Their cars are pumped up with gas and are prepared to withhold through the journey back to his pack. Cronus is merely waiting for his warriors to pack up and finish their training.
"Will you come to visit again?" I ask waiting patiently for his eyes to meet mine.
"Of course. I need to come to sort out you two lovebirds, yes?" He chortles his words spewed with no hesitation. I do not laugh merely turn my attention to Kal whose eyes are glued to the bright red coloured rattle as he sees it with awe. "Lumina?" He calls my name.
There is a feeling of familiarity and comfort when Cronus calls me by the name Deimos gave me but when Deimos calls me as such my heart burns. Not a good kind of a burn but one that rots flesh.
"Yes?"
"Something happened that day when his wolf emerged, yes? Would you like to talk about it?" His voice is gentle and soothing. A calmness in the pit of fire.
"How do you know something happened?" A frown on my face a tiny glare from my eyes.
"I feel it. Around Deimos, around you. But with Deimos, it was quite easier to tell. It seems as though he is drowning." He speaks his truth removing his finger from Kal's tight grasp. My male raises his voice in an attempt to show he wants the finger back tiny palms reaching for Cronus's hand.
I remain silent again not wishing to conform to his words that pain me. Drowning. Yes, I remember that feeling. It isn't merely about not being able to breathe. It is a slow death where despite one trying to reach the surface, the miracle never comes until...the person who bounds them to the bottom of the ocean sets them free.
The heat of Cronus's gaze on my flesh isn't warm and comforting anymore rather now manifested into one of questioning. As if he knows, no...as if he feels the truth I shall deliver. Taking a slow breath in I meet his patient eyes. "I told him that I hated him." I say waiting for his advice which that shall come to claim me from his lips.
He stares at me calmly for a few seconds digesting what I had told him. Then he scoffs eyes glued to a spot mind lost in thought or perhaps a memory. "Hate. That is a word not to be used at your mate, Lumina."
"I did not mean it. He irked me, my fury was rising and he pressured me further. Funny, how you said the same thing he did to me when I uttered it." I reason with him.
"That is because I taught it to him." He replies whilst giving his finger back to the upset little pup throwing a small tantrum. Kal clutches Cronus's finger bringing it into his mouth sucking slowly his fit dying.
"What do you mean? I do not understand." I frown pulling down the sleeves of my shirt to cover my wrist when his eyes land on Deimos's wolf's mark. His eyes hold understanding not to just Deimos but me as well. He understands us, the relationship we have.
"When you first flew out of nowhere from the sky and thrust into his hands he was taken by surprise. Yes, he knew mates existed yet he did not know anything about the meaning or the depth they possessed. So, he would call me some nights. Talking about you." Cronus says with a soft smile on his lips.
"He talked about me? What did he say?" I question my voice soft, shifting a little closer to him as a sign of my curiosity of things I am blind to.
"Indeed. He would talk about small things, like your hair. Your eyes or your smile. How you cried a lot but also how fierce and strong you were unlike most females he knew. He said you made him uncomfortable with you and with himself and he wished to escape."
"Yes, I was aware of how I made him feel for he made sure to shine that in light with his actions." I speak my truth reflecting on my painful road that got me here my heart burning with distaste. I swallow profusely trying to ease the flames.
"He made me curious so I came to visit you when Theia was here, and I found the good in you that he was blind to. But in the end, he truly did discover it. After the lantern festival, he would call me almost every night for a few weeks when you weren't in his presence. To the point that it annoyed me at times for I was pulled from my responsibilities to give him counselling. I taught him the bond of mates. Not everything I suppose for as you can still see he has his faults towards you." He says.
The liquid of truth seeps into the depths of my mind making its slow path down to my soul. Deimos was blind and so was I.
"I did not know that." I clear my throat watching Kal slowly dozing off to sleep sucking on Cronus's finger his small chest rising taking in a loud inhale of air.
"He lost his parents before he could learn about you. Of your sacred bond and whilst years passed he had gotten the gist of it yet he wasn't much interested in knowing further for his dedication had changed to his pack. They were the only wolves he had. My parents didn't teach him anything either and I truly do not know why. They are at fault for this as well." He mutters beneath his breath.
"I did not have a family either. Rather I hated them with a burning passion." I spit as a vile taste in my mouth grows for thoughts of them are uncovered.
"Losing wolves you loved strikes harder than losing wolves you hated with every breath you took. Every memory you have with them shall be eaten raw by the claws of death. Would you be able to survive if you were to lose one of your females, or Elriam or even Kal?" Cronus asks. His question plunging deep at my soul and I gasp with the pain that hits me despite him giving me a potential probability.
"I do not hate him." I say my voice merely a whisper.
"I know that. But he does not, for he sees it as your right and truth to hate him for his past actions and current sins." Cronus says whilst getting up slowly not to awaken the little one.
"Did you talk with him?" I ask raising along with him.
"Yes, I did. But he did not open up completely to me. Perhaps he would to you. I have something to tell you, Luna." Cronus says turning his back to me whilst picking up the two empty cups on the table taking them to the sink.
"What is it?"
"Deimos is...not who he was. You have somehow helped him become a different male, like the male I grew up with." He says meeting my eyes.
"What do you mean?" I ask.
"You brought out the pup in him. The Deimos you have been with for the past few years is the true one. The one who was hidden in fear and loneliness behind his unmerciful facade. He was in fear of loving of being free and less guarded but you showed him that you would welcome him with open arms despite his imperfections. And for that...I am truly thankful to you." Cronus greets me with a warm smile.
My trembling hands quickly snap up to cover my face to hide my tearing eyes and quivering lips. Why do his words pain me so much? Why do his words kill me from within? I do not know what I must do. I do not know if I must sacrifice myself or him in the process.
I hear footsteps taken towards me at a quick pace warm hands clamp around my shoulders whilst he brings me into his chest. "Hush now. There is no need to cry now, for as I said all shall be well." He whispers soothingly comforting the misery of my heart as my soft sobs are captured by his chest and my gushing tears are soaked by his shirt.
Several pickup trucks are parked out the main gate Cronus's warriors chattering among themselves throwing their backpacks into the trunks. Some are waiting by the car door for their Alpha to get in.
My pack members wave and smile their goodbyes to him especially the females who are upset with his departure.
"I shall see you again, brother." Cronus says holding Deimos's palm giving it a firm shake. They do speak more but with their eyes and Deimos responds with a curt nod and a soft smile. One that reaches his eyes.
"I hope you shall inform me of the good news soon." Deimos mutters.
"If you are talking about my mate, you shall be the first to know." Cronus replies. Taking a step towards me he snuggles into Kal pressing his nose into my male's neck taking in his scent. "Goodbye, little one."
"I can hold Kal if you'd like to say your wishes to Cronus." Deimos says to me peering down at his sleeping male cuddled in my arms. He does not meet my eyes like before these days merely sweeping past my flesh even when he speaks with me.
"Here." I give Kal to Deimos who gently eases him from my arms fastening the blanket tightly around his body making sure the head is secured under it. He turns around swiftly walking towards the pack members who turn their loud chatters into whispers as to not wake up the pup.
A small pup walks over to Deimos tugging on the end of his shirt as a sign of asking for his attention. He peers down at her as she says something to him. He nods with a soft smile agreeing to her words and slowly squats near her.
The pup shifts closer to him as he allows her to peek at Kal. Her eyes widen and she whispers something in Deimos's ear as he leans towards her as if she is spewing a secret. He begins to cackle to what she said his right palm reaching up to ruffle her hair.
His laughter is truly one of a kind. One that could brighten up a room clouded by darkness and turn gloominess into light. His lips curl up at the sides teeth on display eyes gleaming. I smile at his booming hysteric that pulls in curiosity from every wolf present including me.
"His laughter is quite contagious at times." Cronus whispers at my side.
"Is it truly not?" I chuckle tearing my eyes away from him to meet with Cronus's who does the same to meet mine.
"I will miss you, Luna." He says.
"I will miss you more. Call me more often, please. And I cannot wait for the day you find your female. I hope to be good friends with her." I whisper.
"Alpha, we are all set." One of his warriors calls out to him. Cronus turns to give him a curt nod of acknowledgement whilst directing his attention back to me.
"I cannot wait for the day as well rather I am finding patience turning out to become my worst enemy." He chuckles. Bringing me into another soft quick hug he whispers, "Take care of yourself, okay? Goodbye, Luna."
"This reminds me of the first time of your departure when you left with your sister." I say as he pushes himself off me heading towards his car whilst I follow after him.
"This is a different situation now, though." He utters getting into the passenger seat. The trucks behind him roar as their engines spark to life.
"How so?" I question frowning.
His eyes stray away to plunge into something behind me. "You have a family now. You are loved." And with a final wave and a gentle smile that saddens me, he shuts the car door to his side as he drives away from our pack lands.
I stay still for a while as I am staring at the vehicles until they disappear out of view. His words thundering in the depths of my soul brewing a storm that wishes to show its wrath.
I turn behind to meet with the emeralds that never leave my flesh only to not find them. Deimos wasn't there as he would always be waiting for me rather only my pack members remain. A sudden pang strikes my chest and I place my palm over my beating heart to ease the tension of my heartbeat.
Taking slow steps back inside, the gate is shut close and locked behind me. The crowd offers me their smiles of farewell and quickly begin to disperse back to the comfort of their homes. I take a slow deep shaky breath, cloudiness erupting in the base of my chest for somehow it feels lonely.
I had never for a second felt lonely in this pack for I had my females, I had Elriam and I had...Deimos. I still have my females, I still have Elriam but he is missing. How did he manage to surpass all others?