Chapter 11: Chapter Ten

The sun set and rose again, and I couldn't sleep at all.

All I can think about is him and it's the most infuriating thing ever. I sit up and my back groans. I rub my shoulders, but the action brings no relief. My stomach grumbles. I don't even remember when I last ate, and I'm supposed to keep this up for two more days. Perhaps this is Dantes' plan, to kill me by starving me. I sit up and rest my back against the wooden wall. I try not to think about how cramped this space is, I don't need another set of problems.

I keep glancing at the door and wondering when he will show up, but then I remember that I'm supposed to be isolated from the pack as punishment. So maybe Raphas is following his uncle's orders, which is probably the wisest thing he could do.

This all seems so crazy sometimes. Some days I have a harder time grasping my reality, and today is one of those days. I rub the back of my neck and close my eyes. Green stares back at me and I open my eyes again. My eyes are stinging of dryness and exhaustion. I need rest. I need to stop thinking of Raphas. I need to remember that he's associated to every bad thing that has happened in my life so far, but that thought keeps slipping my mind.

An idea occurs to me and I try to open the door. It seems to be locked from the outside. When Raphas left, it was wide open. Did he return to lock it? Why didn't I hear him? Did I fall asleep at some point? I sit back down and I cross my arms against my chest. My stomach growls again and hunger pangs curve my back.

I lie back down and I grip my belly. I close my eyes. When I reopen them, there's someone peering down at me. I look down and I realize it's Amanda. She presses her index finger to her lips, signaling that I need to remain silent. She's carrying a plate of food and she hands it to me once I sit up. I gobble it all down in a flash. She hands me a wooden flask with water and I gulp it all down. My stomach cramps and groans, but at least I'm not hungry anymore. I nod my head gratefully, and she leaves. Now, with my stomach full, I lie back down and sleep comes easily. I dream of Raphas and a full moon. He’s making love to me outside, in a slow and passionate way. But he looks anguished, and I don’t understand why. I hold onto his face and I press my lips to his. We keep going until the sun rises. When I open my eyes, the cabin is empty and I can tell it's daytime. I'm unsure of how many days have passed. Do I still have one left, or none?

I feel groggy and I rub my eyes.

I see him the second my vision sharpens. He's standing with his arms crossed over his chest. My face flushes   once the memory of our heated kiss comes back to me. The dream, too. It was so vivid that I wonder whether it truly happened. I could feel his skin on mine, warm and beaded with sweat. I blush again. I wait for him to say something, but he doesn't. So I decide to break the ice. "Is it over?"

He nods solemnly. "Yes, three days have passed." I know he sent Amanda to feed me, and I'm thankful for it. But at the same time, I'm not sure if I should mention it.

"You will return to your duties. Amanda is waiting for you." He says this mechanically and leaves. I don’t know why he’s being so cold. As much as I hate to admit it, I feel a little hurt, and rejected. It's like the kiss never happened and I'm starting to wonder whether I imagined it all. Maybe it was part of the dream, too. But deep down, I know it wasn’t.

As I prepare to leave the cabin, I spare Gavin and Kelly one last thought. I'm surprised it doesn't hurt as much as it should. I'm just numb to it all at this point.

I walk through other cabins and a few of them stare at me. I ignore their staring and I make my way to the kitchen. Amanda is already there, and she's so giddy and bubbly that I have to fight the urge not to punch her in the face. Sylvia isn't around, so I guess it's just the two of us. It's probably for the best, and she's probably avoiding me. But how can I confront her? She won't even answer me.

"I'm so glad to see you, Bea." I'm not glad to see her. I have nothing against her, but something about her aura, or her presence, irks me. Then again, if she hadn't told Raphas I was missing, what would I have done with my newfound freedom? I wouldn't be able to return to Gavin. I don't even know where my mother is. I don't have anyone else in this world, I only had Gavin. I never even met my father, he died before I was born. I don't have a penny to my name. If Gavin and Kelly don't come looking for me, no one will. It'll be like I never existed.

"Sylvia has fallen ill, we don't know what it is. So it's just the two of us, for now. Maybe Penelope will come join us later, but she's preoccupied with the Alpha 24/7." Her cheeks turn a scandalous red. "If you know what I mean."

"There aren't any other women here?"  I ask.

She shakes her head. "The Alpha wants every single able-bodied wolf to train for the battle for SilverMoon. They outnumber us by over a hundred." She says this gravely, but frankly I don't care. I only want someone to share the burden of peeling all these vegetables with.

"Why don't you train as well?" I ask, just out of curiosity.

She blushes again. "Raphas forbid it. He wants me here in the kitchen, where it's safest."

I glare at her and I take Sylvia's place. There are mountains of potatoes and carrots and leaks. I don't know what to do with all this, but I start peeling anyways. My grip on the knife is strong, and I realize I'm furious. I don't even know why. There's something inside of me that's gnashing its teeth.

Amanda speaks again. I don't know why she's talking to me. I no longer want to hear her voice. "I didn't mean to upset you, Bea. I only answered your question."

"Amanda, I know you helped me last night, but frankly, you need to stop talking."

"Raphas asked me to take some food to you." Her voice turns harsh and bitter and it's startles me. I turn to face her. She's glaring at me and her face is unrecognizable. I haven't seen this side of her before, but frankly, I'm not surprised. "I would never do it on my own accord. You could starve for all I care. In fact, I was hoping the Alpha would execute you. I'd be first in line to watch them slit your throat."

I shake my head at her. "You two-faced bitch."

"I'm not the bitch here," she spits. "You came along and ruined every chance I had with Raphas. I was the one he was going to choose. Me. Oh, how he used to make love to me." She closes her eyes. "We'd do it every night. Until you came along and ruined everything!"

"I didn't come along to ruin everything. I was abducted. I was brought here against my will."

She chuckles. "You fool. Raphas did you a favor. Your precious little Gavin never loved you. How did it feel, when you saw them together? Did it hurt? I sure hope it did, Bea. That's the exact same way I feel when I see you together."

Her words stun me and I'm speechless for a second. Why would Raphas tell her what happened? How could he confide in her? I don't know why I feel betrayed. It hurts more than it should, more than Gavin's betrayal." Shut up, Amanda. I'm warning you."

She fluffs her hair and sighs. It's like she isn't even listening to me. "We made love again last night, you know. It felt incredible to have him in my arms again. Oh, the wonders he can do with just his tongue."

I lunge at her and before I know it, we're both rolling on the floor. She manages to get on top of me, but when she strikes my cheek I grow furious. I don't know how I've managed to pin her to the ground. I'm throwing punch after punch at her, with a force I've never known I had in me. Her face is covered in blood and the smell of it spurs me on. I take everything out on her; everything I've been through this past week. The horrible, paralyzing pain. My imprisonment here. Raphas and the feelings he invokes within me. Gavin and Kelly having sex on my kitchen counter. Everything.

I don't know when Raphas came in, nor how he managed to separate the two of us. All I know is I'm growling at him and attacking him. I'm biting him and scratching him. He's carrying me away and back to the cabin. Amanda is lying on the floor, but I'm not concerned about her. I'm furious at him.

He throws me inside and he's yelling at me. "What are you doing, Bea!? Do you want to get yourself killed, is that it!?"

I'm yelling, too. "Why did you tell her about Gavin? How could you tell her about something so personal? What is she to you?"

"I thought you didn't care about that." He calmly declares. "So it shouldn't matter to you."

This renders me speechless and I feel desperate and hopeless. I clutch my hair and I slither down to the ground. I don't know what to think or say or do. Nothing is clear anymore, and I don't know what to do about this mess. I've never felt this out of place before. The unimaginable became real overnight and I'm scared. I want to get away from this, but I don't have anywhere else to go. I'm perfectly trapped here.

Raphas doesn't say anything else, he just stands there and watches me cry and scream for hours. Eventually I stop. Then I start all over again.