Chapter 61

It was still early, only some of The Omegas were awake. I had been itching to leave my room since I had gotten there. The packhouse felt different, but I knew it was just me. The place wasn’t intimidating or scary anymore.

When I first arrived, it was a blur. I didn’t feel anything. Then came the anger. But now… I was someone that I wouldn’t have expected. Even if I had been capable of thinking of the future in those first blurry months, I would never have been able to fathom that I could feel not just like a fraction of my former self but something more powerful, more sure.

It was a heady feeling and a discovery that made me stand taller as I walked the too-familiar halls. I followed my routine, edging toward the dining room and pausing outside the kitchen. There was a bustle, but it was more languid than it had been the past few days during the trials.

I was correct in thinking this would be a slow morning. It put me at ease only a little. I was anxious to get this day going, and the longer it took, the more the ‘what ifs’ pushed in.

We’ve got this. No matter what happens or doesn’t happen - Aksala said.

I know, but what if -

No what-ifs. We will face them if something happens. For now, we have everything planned out. Go get us some fuel. We will need it - she commanded.

I took a deep breath; she was right. I pushed the door open to the dining room, not expecting anyone to be there yet. Seeing Nolan sitting alone at the table took me by surprise.

“Is anyone else joining?” I asked, taking the seat across from him.

He shrugged, looking to the empty chairs his parents usually sat in. “It was a late night,” he explained.

“I figured.” Omegas placed a few trays in front of us, and Nolan nodded at them. “Did you enjoy it?” I asked, forcing myself to pile food on my plate.

“I’m not sure,” he answered slowly, and I looked at him. He was running his fingers through his hair. “I don’t- I’m expected to be Alpha. Everyone was congratulating me, but it felt…” He shook his head. “I didn’t earn it.”

“You did,” I responded immediately. “Maybe not in some stupid dated trial, but you are the best option this pack has.”

He nodded slowly, sagging back into his chair. He looked around the dining room, mostly at the high ceilings, a frown crossing his face. I forced myself to take a few bites of food while he processed whatever was going through in his mind.

“I’m expected to own this,” he said, but his voice was hollow. There was no sense of pride, just more fear, possibly disbelief.

“I’m sure it will dawn on you soon,” I replied airily. I half-hoped he didn’t want it. He was an unexpectedly decent person, but I couldn’t give the pack to him.

He sat back up and stared at me in a way that I had to look away from. “You know, I always liked you,” he admitted. “I’ve had feelings for you for a while, longer than I let myself accept.”

My stomach dropped; this was wildly uncomfortable. “You didn’t know me,” I replied, staring at my plate of eggs and sausage that had become even less appealing.

“I know, but… I did anyway. ” He shrugged. “Even more so recently.”

“Oh.” I hoped he would change the subject.

“I know we aren’t mates,” Nolan started.

I lifted my head to meet his gaze. “Nolan, I appreciate what you are saying, but we wouldn’t have ever worked.”

“I could give you protection,” he said.

Why does everyone want to protect us - Aksala growled.

It was a strange thing. Going from no one standing up for me, no one protecting me now to Sam, Ezra, even The Omegas, and now Nolan… it made my head spin.

“I don’t need protection,” I replied slowly.

He snorted. “You made that clear,” he said, his voice harder now.

I set down my fork and looked at him gently, not wanting to escalate the situation. I knew he still must be processing the loss and deciding how he should feel about me, especially if he did have feelings for the person who had murdered his brothers.

Before I could come up with something to say, he went on, “I know we don’t know each other, but we could. Just at least try,” he almost pleaded, his eyes softening.

I shook my head. “Nolan, I couldn’t. After these past few years…”

His face contorted; he looked down at his hands. “I was expecting that.” He took a few deep breaths. “For what it’s worth, I’m sorry.”

“I accept your apology,” I said, surprising myself with the truth in that.

He looked back up at me, almost hopeful. “You do?” he asked, and I nodded.

“But that doesn’t change anything.”

This wasn’t even about Ezra. In another life, maybe Nolan and I could have been good together, but not this one, even if I didn’t have someone else.

“I know you were mostly a bystander, but if we were together, I know I couldn’t get past what you allowed to happen,” I tried to explain in a way that didn’t sound too accusatory. “I don’t know what I would have done in your situation, and I don’t know if I would have been any better.”

I hoped I would have been. I knew without a doubt Ezra would have.

But Nolan, Nolan was the youngest. He was born into a family that either produced horrid children or corrupted them to become that way. He would have risked everything too much to speak up and still not been able to save me. I understood that. I understood it, could forgive it, but I could not get past it with a romantic partner.

I internally sighed thinking that Ezra had done far worse, that I had done far worse, but this particular situation was what I had to focus on.

“But I could not get past that, not in a capacity as more than a friend,” I said, gently meeting his eyes. His lips formed a thin line, and he nodded, looking upset, but didn’t press anything further.

We ate in silence until The Omega’s cleared our plates.

“Friends?” he asked when we were alone again.

My lips tugged up. “Friends,” I agreed. And in some weird, twisted, confusing way, he was as close to a friend as I had recently.

“I hope you find your mate,” I told him genuinely as I stood to leave. “She will be a lucky girl.”

He gave me an echo of a smile. “Things will be different, Simone. I’ll try to make it up to you, not because you might change your mind or because I owe it to you.” He swallowed. “But because you deserve it,” he stated.