Chapter 9: WEDDING

(THIRD PARTY POV)

The wedding march started to play and his heart started beating loudly. He looked at her from his place near the altar. The melody playing is one he had chosen the moment he realized he wanted to marry this woman. This moment is surreal; her beauty ethereal. She looked like his personal angel in her white wedding gown; his princess, with her hair semi-braided and curled at the tips.

Yes, this is the moment he longed to have with her the moment he fell for her. This wedding is perfect, everything is as he visualized it a thousand times before- the ambiance, the lighting, the music, her presence, that smile on her lips, those eyes that gaze at him and to which he is now gazing at lovingly.

Of course, this is how he dreamed it to be. Everything as he dreamed it to be. Except for one thing.

‘I AM NOT HER GROOM’ Rev smiled bitterly to himself.

He recalled his conversation with his mother last night and wondered if he did the right thing deciding against talking Rein out of this wedding.

“You should tell her, you know,” his mother told him when Rein had already left last night.

“Tell what?” he played ignorant.

“Oh c’mon, son! You’re gonna lose her for real this time. You love her. Hold onto her.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about, Ma. I’m going home.”

“This is your home.”

“I have my own place now.”

“Only because you can’t bear to stay in your room which is full of memories of her. Until when are you going to run away from your feelings? From her memories? She’s just within your reach.”

“Ma, that’s nonsense.”

“Is it?”

“Yes.”

“Why do you keep on avoiding her?”

“I don’t want to have anything to do with her ever again.”

“Why?”

“Ma, she almost single-handedly ruined my life!”

“Ruined your life?! How so?”

“Jean and I broke up-“

“Give me a break! We both know that if you really wanted to, if you really love Jean, you could have fixed your relationship with her. Jean came to reconcile with you a few days after your break-up, but you didn’t make up with her, why?”

He was surprised at his mother’s words. ‘How the hell did she know that?’

“Been there, done that, son.”

“You and your assumptions, Ma.”

“Rev, son.. Why can’t you admit what you feel? Do you think she really meant it when she told you that it was just a joke when she said she love you? She was just being a coward just like you!”

“Where are you getting these ideas, Ma?”

She just smiled.

“Son, why don’t you tell her what you feel?”

“Ma, please, she’s getting married tomorrow.”

“That leaves you enough time to talk her out of it.”

“You know it’s not that easy.”

“So you’re saying it is easier to be a coward and lose her? And then what? You’s drown your sorrow with alcohol and neglect yourself again? What will be your excuse this time? You pretended before that you were miserable for your broken relationship with Jean because you thought the people around you will laugh at you for falling in love with your best friend.”

“Ma, I don’t care if other people laugh at me!”

“Then what are you afraid of? That she will mock you?”

Rev felt like he’s been kicked in the chest.

“She was just making fun of me that night, Ma. I was so stupid to hope, my heart even leapt when she said she love me, only to be devastated a few minutes after when she smirked at me afterwards. I.. I didn’t know how to live a life without her because all throughout the time since I met her, I’ve only been thinking about spending the rest of it with her. I never thought it wouldn’t get into fruition. I had no alternative life, in my heart, I had no other possible future. You witnessed it, it took me a long time before I learned to live with the reality that she is not mine. And I don’t want to start having illusions that she will never leave me again. I’m okay now, I am used to her absence. Let’s leave it at that.”

He rubbed his face with his hands in frustration.

“What about the possibility that she loves you, too?” his mom asked him quietly.

“If I take that gamble again, I don’t think I can still manage it back if it failed.” He stood up. “It’s late, Ma. I want to rest.” He turned his back on her and went upstairs to his room. It’s been eons since he last went inside his room, and the nostalgia flooded him, engulfed him that he almost felt nauseated.

Rev quietly locked his door and went to his bed without bothering with his clothes. He reached for a pillow, the one Rein always hugs whenever she sleeps over. He embraced it. Maybe it was his imagination, but he can still smell her faint scent in it.

He laid down and stared at the ceiling.

‘How am going to live after tomorrow? Will I even survive the day?’ he asked bitterly to himself, and hot flood of tears rushed from his eyes. He hugged the pillow again and pressed his face on it, as if it could stop his emotions.

He pulled out his wallet and took an old, folder paper from it. He unfolded it and saw the sketch of a gown that Rein drew herself. He crumpled the paper in his hand as his body shook in uncontrolled tears. Yes he is crying, and he can’t help it.

----

The guy beside Rev brushed past him. With a wide smile, Bryan reached for Rein’s hand. Rev’s chest tightened as Rein stared at him with gloomy eyes, her hand held in between her groom’s. He looked up at the ceiling and tried to prevent the tears from coming out.