Chapter 31

“Wake up, sleepyhead.”

Groaning, I swat away the hand running up and down my legs. When it disappears, I sink back into my sleep, but it doesn’t last long because seconds later, the covers are snatched back. Groaning, I kick my legs, and when I open my eyes, I see Jasper standing at the end of the bed, smirking.

“Why’d you do that? I was still sleeping.”

“Because breakfast is ready and my baby is probably in there starving.” Jasper smiles, pulling me to the end of the bed by my ankles. When I’m at the end, I sit up as Jasper sweeps my hair out of my face.

“Good morning,” I mumble.

“Good morning, gorgeous. You sleep well?”

“Like a rock.” I stretch my arms over my head, and Jasper takes the opportunity to tickle my armpits. Squealing, I fall back onto the bed, and Jasper climbs on top of me.

“I love hearing your laugh. I could play it on repeat and never get tired.”

Jasper kisses me gently before helping me to my feet. Shuffling into the bathroom, I freshen up, and staring at myself in the mirror, I can’t help but smile at the events of last night. Sucking Harper off while getting fucked by Jasper was a euphoric feeling. Everything felt right and together again. I didn’t have to hide my feelings or be ashamed or worried. The fact that Jasper was all on board made it even better. Had he told me that he was uncomfortable with it, then, of course, I would have to let the idea go, but he hadn’t let it go himself.

Taking his advice and living in the moment, I let go of all my expectations for the future. I have months before I have the baby, and after that, I will be dedicating all of my time to my family. I should be doing all the things I know I won’t be doing then. One of those things is enjoying having Harper in the house again. Just for a little while, everything can be like old times. Laughing, talking, loving, and fucking were our whole life at one point. I’d like to have all of that for a little while longer, before the baby gets here and Harper leaves to start his new life in New York.

When I come back to the bedroom, Jasper is gone, but I hear chuckling coming from down the hall. I quickly go see what all the fuss is about, and I find Jasper walking Harper downstairs for his physical therapy. Instead of interrupting, I stand back until they are out of sight.

After I get dressed, I head downstairs and make myself a bowl of oatmeal with bananas. From the kitchen, I can hear soft grunting from the home gym down the hall. It sounds like Harper is in pain, which makes me a little sad. I don’t like knowing that he’s in pain, and I can’t do much about it. Harper pretends to be strong so we don’t know though. He downplays his pain, but the truth is in those sounds coming from down the hall.

I’m trying to focus on cutting my bananas when I hear the grunts of pain end, followed by footsteps. Jasper appears seconds later, running his fingers through his hair.

“You were in there?” I ask, surprised that he could even be in the same room with his brother's suffering.

“Yeah, that’s why I left. I could tell he was trying to fight it for me. I don’t want him to fake it for the therapist when she’s here to help, so I left so he can focus.”

I nod, sighing.

“I wake up every day wishing he was magically better. Every day, nothing happens.”

“It takes time, baby. How do you think we used to feel when you were hurt? We hated seeing you in pain, but there wasn’t much we could do to help.”

I think back to that day: My mother had dragged me across the floor by my hair, nearly scalping me. My then-boyfriend was smart enough to carry me next door to Harper and Jasper. I'll never forget the way they looked at me. I can only imagine how I looked in their eyes. Then, there was the time my mother shoved me and caused my shoulder to pop out of place. However, the worst of all was the day after I met Jasper and Harper. Jasper saw where my mother grabbed my face. He knew right then that I was in pain. I tried to hide it, but he knew. They both did. And I had felt embarrassed about it. So Jasper is right. I know as well as anyone a little of what Harper is going through.

Pushing the painful memories away, I look up. Jasper is sitting at the island, staring at me.

“What?”

“Where’d you go?”

“Nowhere good. I just know how Harper feels, not wanting people to think you’re weak.”

“Have you ever felt like that?”

I roll my eyes slightly.

“More times than I can count. It doesn’t work though. Eventually, it becomes too much and you lose control.” Like the time I cut myself just to deal with the pain. I’m glad that bad habit didn’t stick.

Jasper is about to say something, but I hold my hand up.

“Can we change the subject? The last thing I want to get into is my morbid past. We all know what happened, so let's not revisit it.”

The kitchen falls silent as I eat breakfast and Jasper drinks coffee. The mood in the kitchen remains tense as I sort through my vitamins. As someone who is about to have a baby, I think very differently than I did back then. I think about my own mother and the things she had to do to protect me from my father, only to end up hurting me as well. I know it probably kills her inside to think about it now that she’s sober. Does it give her nightmares or make her cry? I wonder sometimes because that’s what I hope for. I forgave my mother a long time ago, but I don’t want her to forget the pain she caused me. I know I never will. I will remember it every day to remind myself that I’m going to be a better mother than her.

Feeling myself getting caught in an endless cycle of depressing thoughts, I decide to go lay down after breakfast, telling Jasper that I woke too early and would like a nap. He doesn’t question it, but I can tell he’s wondering if it’s the truth. Sometimes I get sad thinking about how things were and the only thing that helps is bundling in blankets and taking a nap. It’s like hitting the restart button on my thoughts.

I get upstairs and crawl into bed, wrapping the covers around me. The moment my head hits the pillow, tears start spilling over. I sob quietly to maintain the silence in the room, but a few whimpers and sniffs fill the space. While I’m crying, I hear someone coming up the stairs. I pretend I’m sleeping as the bedroom door opens.

“Eden?” Jasper says my name to see if I’m sleeping.

I don’t answer as I stare at the wall, eyes blurred with tears. I hear the door open again, and when he starts to leave, I sniff. Immediately, I hear Jasper sigh. Before I know it, the bed dips and Jasper’s arm wraps around me.

“Talk to me, sweet girl.”

“It’s nothing. I just feel sad.”

“I think it’s a little more than nothing. Harper’s pain is bringing up some unresolved feelings surrounding your own pain. Pain that you might have swept under the rug or thought had gone away. Right?”

I nod.

“It still hurts sometimes.”

“I know, baby. You’ve had more pain than any one person should. There are times I wonder how you can be so strong.”

“I’m not strong all the time.”

Jasper runs his hand over my hair, kissing the back of my head.

“And that’s okay. You don’t need to be strong every day, and those are the days you are supposed to lean on me for help. I don’t want you pushing me away, okay?”

I nod, rolling over to reveal my blotchy tear-stained face.

Jasper kisses my forehead before wiping my tears. I close my eyes, and he holds me, kissing my forehead every few moments as I begin to drift off. I don’t know what I would do without this man in my life, and I’m so happy. I can’t wait for this baby to know how amazing his or her daddy is.