I wrap her in my arms, even I've missed this beautiful girl. "I'll take you to him, baby." I nod to my bodyguard to take care of the coffee and I take her hand and lead her to the lifts to see him. We approach his room. Amelie lifts her head and glares at Natasha. My anger rises. I could just knock this bitch's head off. Natasha doesn't say anything but frowns at me. I lead her to his room and open the door. The doctor turns to us.
Cameron nervously looks at Natasha. "Dr, this is Joshua's wife Natasha."
She smiles and slightly frowns as she holds out her hand to shake his. "Your husband has taken a cocaine overdose. We have stabilised him and put him into an induced coma but he is not out of the woods just yet." She nods as she tries to hold in the tears. She leans over Joshua and embraces him as she breaks into sobs on his chest. Both Cameron and I tear up at her obvious devastation. This is hard to watch.
Natasha
"Joshua. My god, what have you done?" I cry into his chest as sobs wrack my body. The doctor leaves and I turn to cuddle Cameron who is just as distraught as me. My eyes flick to Adrian. "What happened, how did this happen?" I sob.
Adrian hunches his shoulders. "We are not sure, but we think it was accidental."
My eyes go back to my broken love. "Does he use cocaine regularly?" I ask as I gently run my hands over his forehead.
Cameron frowns. "No, not regularly. Tash, this was an accident. He has been down lately. He would have just been trying to get through the day."
Realisation hits me. "This is all my fault," I sob.
I turn back to Joshua, my beautiful Josh. He is nearly unrecognisable to me. He has tubes coming out of him everywhere and is hooked up to machines. He is a lot thinner than when I last saw him and pale-he has no colour. He has a beard, probably around two or three weeks growth. He's been neglecting himself, as I have. We are as bad as each other-I have never looked like such a sack of shit in my life.
I put my head back down on his chest and sob. "I'm so sorry Josh. I didn't know what to do. My dad said it was wrong and then he died," I sob out loud. "And then I lost you. I was so deep in grief I couldn't see straight, and now you've done this, and it's all my fault."
Adrian walks over behind me and puts his hand on my shoulder. "Tash, this isn't your fault, and it has been a terrible string of circumstances. Ones that have been out of your control. Josh doesn't blame you-he understands. He is just not handling things well at the moment, but he will get better and now you are here you can work things out together."
I nod as I wipe my eyes and turn back to look Joshua. "You're right, he has to get better." A sudden burst of anger breaks through. "Do you hear me Joshua … don't you dare think about dying. You can't leave me … not now. You fight this … do you hear me. So help me god, Joshua Stanton … I mean it, listen to me." I break back down into a fit of tears Dear god let him be ok, this is such a mess.
Cameron walks back over and pulls me into his arms. "He needs you to be calm Tash. We are trying to regulate his heartbeat, being irrational will not help the cause."
I nod, he's right. Calm … I need to keep calm. I nod and pull away from Cameron and immediately pull a chair to sit next to the bed. I need to find some inner strength and I need to find it fast. I grab Joshua's hand and kiss the back of it and put my head down and start to silently pray. Please pull through, please pull through. About three hours later I find myself leaning forward with my head resting on Joshua's upper arm. I am somewhere in between sleep and delirium when I jump with a start as the nurse and doctor enter the room. I quickly stand to allow the doctor greater access. He checks Joshua over and reads his chart.
He gives me a warm smile. "Mrs Stanton, it seems you have a positive effect on your husband. His vitals indicate a promising result and I think he is going to be ok, he has passed the worst of it. It will be a few days but it seems all is well. We are going to start bringing him out of his sedation." A wave of gratitude washes over me and my face breaks into a huge smile. I run immediately to the door and out into the waiting lounge where I see Cameron and Adrian.
"He's going to be ok," I gasp. They both stand in a rush to cuddle me and the three of us stand embracing each other. We stand still, united and exceedingly grateful. It is then I notice Amelie standing in the corner of the room alone.
I turn to her and smile. "He's going to be ok Amelie." She nods nervously and gives me a weak smile. Cameron then picks me up and twirls me around and I laugh out loud. He carries me back into Joshua's room to see the doctor himself. The doctor smiles warmly at Cameron and shakes his hand and Cameron excitedly grabs him in an embrace, forget the handshake. Adrian walks in behind us.
"It looks as though he is through the worst of it. We are going to keep him lightly sedated for the next twenty-four hours just to keep his vitals down. Mrs Stanton, do you want to stay the night or are you going home?"
"I will be staying, if that's ok," I smile.
He smiles and nods. "I will organise a bed to be brought in for you then."
"Thank you Dr," I reply as he leaves the room.
"Why did you tell them we are married?" I ask Cameron.
He looks sullen. "Because I knew if it got bad and they were going to lose him they would have asked you to leave and you wouldn't have had a say in anything. Joshua would want you with him more than anybody else. I did it for him, not for you."
I give him a weak smile. "Sorry Cam. I haven't dealt with this shit very well, have I?" He shakes his head. "No, you haven't and neither has he-he's been a total nightmare."
Adrian must have sensed Cameron's underlying anger at how I've treated Joshua and he butts in."She's here now and everything is going to be fine. Isn't it Tash?" He puts his arm reassuringly around me.
I smile and turn to Adrian as he wraps his arms around me. "Thank you for looking after him for me. I appreciate you guys being such good friends to Joshua. God if anything happened to him." I shiver in horror I can't even bear to think of the consequences. My tears start again. "I'm such an idiot. How could I have treated him so terribly? I just left him and told him I never wanted to see him again, after all we had been through to be together." Guilt fills me, I don't deserve him, but to be fair I could never have predicted what the future was going to hold. I was totally blinded by grief. A nurse re-enters the room and injects something into his drip. "What are you giving him?" I ask.
"Diazepam, this will keep him sedated to keep his body temperature down and even."
"Tash our mum and dad are on their way with our brothers. Prepare yourself-she's going to be fuming mad and I'm pretty sure it will be aimed at you," Cameron sighs.
"She came to Sydney to see me and asked me to come to Joshua. She was worried about him and it seems she had a good reason to be," I whisper. "This is all my fault."
Cameron and Adrian exchange glances. "She asked you to come to Joshua?" Cameron frowns.
"Ripley's believe it or not?" I do wide eyes at him. "What's Amelie's problem?" I ask Adrian.
Adrian's eyes drop to Joshua and he hunches his shoulders. "You, I expect. It's no secret she's in love with Joshua."
"Adrian." Cameron snaps. "Stay out of it."
I narrow my eyes. "It's ok. I already know, you don't have to be a rocket scientist to know that. He loves her as well."
Cameron and Adrian frown. "No, he doesn't. He loves you Tash," Cameron stammers. My eyes drop to my beautiful unconscious man before me. "I know he loves me, it's ok boys. I'm ok, I can't blame her for loving him … loving him is easy. It's the walking away from him that's hard."
They both give me a sad smile and nod. "We will give you some privacy." And with that they disappear out of the room.
I lie on my fold-up bed next to my so-called husband … I only wish that he was. A nurse comes and checks on him every thirty minutes. His breathing is regulated and the monitor's constant beeping is strangely comforting. I know his heart is still beating and he's still with me. It's late at night and the hospital is silent. Thank heavens for Cameron's quick thinking with the wife thing or I would have been ushered out with the others at ten pm.