Chapter 53

The rest of Kendall’s weekend had been ruined.

She’d tried to make use of the hotel’s sauna and spa treatments, trying to prepare herself to face him on Monday.

It was a very elegant way of soothing herself after that ghastly rejection. Maybe that’s why it hadn’t worked.

Her entire week was a mess.

On Monday, she’d shown up, ready to be the epitome of professionalism. But then she’d seen him.

“How are you?” he’d said, stopping at her desk on the way to his office.

His eyes had been filled with subtle concern, his voice the most polite she’d ever heard it. How dare he be so considerate and gentle with her? It just made her feel worse.

Of course, she’d kept up her pretence that she had absolutely no feelings for him. She’d rather die than admit it.

“Great!” She’d given him a sunny smile. “Not much on your schedule. You’re mostly inside for the day, but expect a call from Mrs Kempt around four p.m.”

“Did you sleep well at the hotel?”

She’d stared at him. Damn it. Did he not realize it? She was doing her best to erase the memories of anything that had happened between them. His concern and kindness were sabotaging her efforts.

“I’m completely fine,” she’d reassured him firmly. “Seriously, I don’t know why you’re asking.”

"Good. And I’m asking because I want to be sure nothing disturbs your work.”

“And nothing will.”

“Good.” He’d nodded and, turning away, marched into his office.

That was what Kendall had said because she’d believed it. At the time, she’d been certain that she could focus completely on her tasks and put everything out of her mind.

The humiliation of Lucien realizing she had feelings for him. The horror she felt when he immediately rejected her. Telling her she was wrong for even liking him.

She’d been so sure she could forget it all.

But then she started making mistakes. She’d gone through her day on autopilot, getting her work done and trying not to think of anything.

She’d been mad about his concern at the start of the day, but at some point, she began to miss it.

Lucien became icy. He didn’t treat her like a stranger, but like an employee. Gone was the underlying favour he always had toward her, stemming from the eight years of knowing her.

She had a feeling he’d firmly classified her as a secretary now and was treating her the way he had all of his other secretaries. To them, it must’ve felt normal. But to Kendall, it felt like getting snatched out of a cozy inn with a blazing fireplace and being immediately chucked out into the snow. With no earmuffs.

His orders were brief, short and concise. No more smiles, no more subtle jokes. They didn’t feel like partners against the world anymore, she didn’t feel like his right-hand woman anymore. Just another secretary.

That’s when she’d started overthinking, and the misery had come crawling in. Did he hate her?

Of course, he did. Who wouldn’t? What was there to like about her anyway?

Her shoulders grew more and more tense, her face growing paler and gaunter as she clacked her fingers across her keyboard, dark thoughts flying through her mind.

She slowly unravelled until by four p.m., she couldn't do it anymore. Terrified that he’d come out of his office and see her crumbling, she’d escaped to the ladies' bathrooms, locking herself in a cubicle to cry.

It was ridiculous to behave this way. Had she gotten so addicted to his approval and his support and affection that she couldn’t stand lacking it for a single day?

How would she survive without him if this were the case?

Exhaling, she grabbed some tissue and carefully dried her face. What sucked was her inability to read his mind, to see exactly how he was feeling. All she could do was listen to her destructive mind tell her how disgusted he was with her.

She tried to remind herself that he’d told her, on Saturday, that it wasn’t her fault. But right now, his sudden icy demeanour was strongly overshadowing that.

Kendall hadn’t realized how high on a pedestal she’d placed Lucien. She hadn’t realized how much power she’d given him over her state of mind, and she didn’t know if she could undo it.

In a life where she never felt like she had anyone on her side, he was the person she could always trust to understand her. He always spoke up for her when she was quiet in the face of injustice and was always there to counter the voice in her head. She was surrounded by two-faced people, but she could trust that every smile Lucien gave her was genuine. Nothing he ever said was said with the intention to manipulate or hurt her.

He was the only real person in her life. Maybe that was why she’d relied on him so much. And now, the fear of having lost that was making her panic beyond her control.

Tears were streaming incessantly down her face as she fruitlessly tried to stem their flow.

This feeling hurt, it felt like her insides were burning. Her chest was so tight that she was a hair’s breadth away from sobbing out loud. She stayed there for a while, thinking and crying.

Sighing, she paced in the small space, gathering herself. If she asked to go home early, he’d suspect something. She had to look completely unaffected.

Her phone vibrated, and Kendall sniffled, digging it out of the back pocket of her slacks.

She tensed when she saw his name on the screen. She must’ve been away for too long. She quickly answered the call.

“Yes, Sir?”

“Where are you, Kendall?” he demanded.

“I'm a-at… I’m downstairs. I’ll be right up! I’m on my way!”

“Did I really need to have Christina phone me on my personal number because you weren’t here to receive her assistant’s call? Did you or did you not know there would be a call at four pm?”

Kendall gasped, her eyes going wide. “Oh, my God! I’m so sorry!”

She burst out of the cubicle, racing across the toilet to the door.

“I don’t need to hear apologies,” he said irritably. “She sent through important documents for me to see before our call, and you didn’t even bring them to me. Get up here and deal with this.”

“Yes, Sir!” she said pleadingly as she rushed through the building.

In a few minutes, she got to her desk and came to a sharp halt.

Lucien was standing there with his hands in his pockets. He looked pissed.

He glanced at her from the corner of his eye and then turned to glare at her. “What the hell, Kendall?”

She hurried forward, hands together. “I’m so sorry, Sir. It won’t happen again.”

“It shouldn’t have happened the first time!”

She flinched, closing her eyes. “I’m sorry…”

Lucien narrowed his eyes, studying her face. “Where the hell were you?”

“Uhm…”

He watched her swallow hard, and his frown darkened. “Have… have you been crying?”