Chapter 77
Sunday April 26th
Had Sunday lunch with the family today.
Ate it in the pub, because Dad is using the dining table to clean his Lord of the Rings figurines.
Mum asked me what sort of thing she should say in her wedding speech.
She’s already been googling jokes.
I said, ‘Mum. Please don’t make a speech. Let Dad do it. He’ll make a speech straight out ofTalking at Christian Occasions.’
Mum snorted, ‘But it’ll send everyone to sleep.’
I said, ‘Look, Mum. If you HAVE to make a speech, please, please don’t say anything bad about Helen.’
She said, ‘But I’ve got all these brilliant jokes about her nose.’
I told her she couldn’t tell any of them. No – none of them at all.
She got all huffy then and asked if Helen was making a speech.
I said Helen hadn’t mentioned it.
Mum said, ‘Well, she’d better not make any jokes about you. That’s my job.’
I said, ‘Don’t be silly, Mum. Helen won’t make a joke. She has absolutely no sense of humour.’
Monday April 27th
2am
Katy just won’t sleep.
Thank God Nick’s not home – he’d be so stressed by now.
Am going to sleep on the living room sofa and do controlled crying.
Ten minutes at a time, they say. I can manage ten minutes of crying. It’s just ten minutes.
2.05am
God, she sounds REALLY hungry. Maybe she’s having a growth spurt? Or maybe she’s thrown up her milk.
Oh my God, WHAT IF SHE’S THROWN UP AND IS CHOKING?
This level of crying just can’t be normal. There must be something really badly wrong.
I’m going in.
2.25am
The adorable little con artist.
As soon as I opened the door, Katy was all smiles.
I gave her a cuddle, but she would not go back to sleep so I ended up giving her milk.
3am
She’s awake AGAIN!!! She can’t be hungry now – I only fed her half an hour ago! PLEASE STOP CRYING!
Please God help her sleep.
Please, please, please.
3.10am
Just realised why God lets famines and earthquakes happen. It’s because he’s distracted by millions of mothers begging for their baby to sleep.
3.30am
Gave in and let Katy have more milk. She fell straight to sleep.
Tuesday April 28th
SOOO tired.
Wednesday April 29th
Alex called round to train, but I told him I really can’t run this marathon.
Katy woke up four times last night. The last time she just cried and WOULD NOT stop.
I tried feeding her and walking her around. Then I played my Bangin’ Club Hits album because sometimes that calms her down.
It worked. Eventually. But it took a few hours.
In the end, I got three hours sleep. It’s not enough.
I can’t train for a race. I just can’t. I need to plan a wedding and move house and care for a sleepless baby.
I let Alex up to the apartment, expecting a big, angry lecture. But he just looked disappointed – which felt even worse.
He gave me a stoic hug, kissed me on the head and told me to take care. Then he asked if there was anyone around to look after me this evening. I assured him Nick would be home soon.
In the end, Nick didn’t make it back until midnight. He was out ‘comfort drinking’ because he’s realised the ‘Dead Stars on Mars’ movie ‘lacks artistic integrity’.
I mean, for goodness sake! He read the script. How much integrity did he expect in a love triangle between Marilyn Monroe, Elvis and an alien?
Thursday April 30th
Wow – the wedding is REALLY soon now. Barely even a month away.
Nick seems to be getting grumpier the nearer we get to it. I think it’s a money thing, because I’m forcing him to budget.
He likes wasting money on super-duper toys for Katy, Thai takeaways, beer and Star Wars gadgets. But we can’t do that now we have a wedding and a house deposit to pay for. Plus, Katy really doesn’t need any more animatronic teddy bears.
Saturday May 2nd
Katy’s learned to roll over!
Finally! FINALLY!
The only trouble is she hasn’t learned to roll back again.
So she rolls onto her stomach and cries until I put her back. Then she rolls over again.
I preferred it when she just lay on her back. Don’t know what the rush to roll over was, really. Like Mum says, they all do it in their own time.
Monday May 4th
Early May Bank Holiday
Nick is grumpy today because he got yet another rejection. ?
I’d planned a lovely family day in Hyde Park. Tartan picnic blanket. Baguette. Wheel of brie. Elderflower water …
But Nick is all sad and zombie-like on the sofa.
Thursday May 7th
Anniversary today.
Nick and I have been together five years.
I think Nick forgot, because when I said, ‘happy anniversary’ he went white and rushed off to the supermarket to ‘buy milk’.
When he got back, he gave me an old lady card and a bottle of red wine.
Saturday 9th May
Lovely day!
Afternoon tea with Laura and Brandi at the Bond Street Dalton.
Laura arranged it – I think because she knew Zach would be there.
She looked all glossy and lovely in black jeans, knee-high boots and a blouse.
Brandi wore a sexy secretary outfit – tight black pencil skirt, tight white blouse and lots of gold jewellery and red lipstick.
I tried to tart up my saggy leggings with a Chanel jacket that Helen was throwing out and a big necklace.
The jacket was a snug fit. And the arms were too long. But you know … it’s Chanel.
I asked Laura if she’d seen much of Zach, and she went all red and mumbled that it was early days.
Then I moaned about looking fat in my leggings.
Laura said, ‘You’re not even overweight. Just a tiny bit curvy in all the right places.’
I told her that Nick didn’t think so. And then I started to cry.
Laura and Brandi both put their arms around me and said I was beautiful.
Then Brandi said I should call off the wedding.
She really hates Nick.
I said there was no way in hell I would call off the wedding.
Nick is Katy’s dad. He proposed, even when everyone said he wouldn’t, and the wedding will be a new start.
Laura said, ‘I’m sure Nick’s just going through a bad patch.’
I went to clean myself up in the loo, but it had one of those toilet attendants.
I always panic when there’s an attendant because I never know what to do.
Do you tip depending on what you’ve done in the toilet?
I’d only been for a wee, but I got all flustered and ended up dropping a fiver on her plate. So she must have definitely thought I’d been for a poo.
When I came back through the lobby, there was Alex Dalton. All tall and handsome, striding across the thick carpet.
He stopped dead when he saw me and said, ‘Juliette. What are you doing here?’
I told him I was having afternoon tea with my sisters.
He said, ‘You should have mentioned it. I could have got you the private sitting room.’
Then he said, ‘Hang on. Laura’s in there, is she? I wondered where Zachary disappeared to. Tell him to get a move on.’
Alex was right. Zach was in the dining room, leaning on the back of Laura’s chair.
Laura and Zach were looking at each other like I look at Katy.
Brandi was tapping at her phone with long, sparkly fingernails, looking bored.
I told Zach I’d just seen his brother.
Zach said, ‘Christ – I should go. He tears my ears off if I’m late.’
Just as Zach was leaving, a bottle of champagne arrived at the table, ‘compliments of Mr Dalton’.
We all gushed and smiled and thanked Zach.
But Zach said, ‘Not from me. It must be from Alex.’
I looked out at the lobby and Alex was watching me, arms crossed.
I asked Zach why Alex would send us champagne.
Zach said, ‘Why wouldn’t he? Three beautiful ladies. Whose parents run a fabulous pub. Christ – I really should go. He hates me being late.’