Chapter 66: Ghosts of the past

Sin's POV.

My teeth slightly gritted, but I couldn't bring myself to say a word. I had never expected that stupid mistake six years ago to come back and haunt me this way.

I am right. The first and last time anyone defeated me, it was a woman. Seems like... this woman would defeat me too.

Annalise slowly went on her knees, and my fingers clenched into fists. I was all about giving her her freedom, her liberation, but all I wanted to do was grab Enrique by the skull and have his blood splash all over her, the same way the blood of her dignity had been all over him that night.

And I hated him for more than just that. For making it so I couldn't concentrate on the fact that she was falling in love with me. That the pull I had felt toward her...

Her hands covered her face like she was ashamed. Or scared. Or both. I am not too good with emotions that are not mine, but I could barely control the urge to go down with her. The one thing that kept me away was the guilt that filled me inside.

Because that night, Enrique had done the deed, and I had cleaned it up. I had cleared his tracks so she would never find revenge, and here I am, something inside me shattering for her.

"Annalise..."

"I still remember his face like it was yesterday, Sin. Everything he did that night, his hands all over me. Everything. It is still in my dreams, in my memories, but..." she trailed off, then looked up to me. "But I am still here because of you. All because of you. I thought of leaving. I would never be able to hold a gun to his head as you have said, but... I wondered if you would come after me. What if you don't come after me?"

I took in a deep breath. Would I be a hypocrite to comfort her now? What would she do when she found out that I helped cover for Enrique? That, in that sense, that particular night, I have been just as monstrous as my brother?

I let out a shaky sigh, then took a step back. "Enrique?"

I asked, my voice lower than I intended for it to be. She had her bottom lip sucked in now, and I could see her tears dropping to the floor, her dark hazel eyes turning into dark seas of hate and weakness.

She slowly nodded, then sighed, closing her eyes as the tears went down faster.

I nodded sharply but couldn't bring myself to do or say anything more. Without a word, I turned and started to make my way to the door. I needed to get out. I couldn't see her cry, and yet, I couldn't comfort her. These hands have cleaned up my brother's prints. These hands can't wipe her tears now.

"Sin?"

I stopped, my chest heaving. I couldn't turn to her. I couldn't look at you.

"Is this past too much for you?"

Yes. Yes, it is, Annalise. But not your past. My past. Not even the deaths I had been directly responsible for made me feel as guilty.

"Would you ever be able to look at me now?" Her voice was shaky, teary. "Will you still... want me? Hold me? Share a bed with me? Will you still..."

"No," I said, shaking my head slowly as I turned to her. "This past is too much for me."

A single teardrop rolled down her cheeks to stop on her bottom lip. "Sin..."

I turned to the dresser and grabbed a cigarette. It would help me calm down, take the edge off. This would have been easier had she not melted something inside of me.

"I will be in my study," I said, then turned to the door again.

"You are not even wearing a shirt," she said, stopping me again.

My frustration was heightening, and I needed to get away to deal with this guilt the only way I knew how to.

"Is that how much you want to leave because...-"

"Just let me go, Annalise. You have no idea."

Her eyes widened slightly before they started to fill with fresh tears again. I was hurting her. But at least, I wasn't letting her find solace in a monster like me.

The treachery would be even worse when she found out that she cried to the same person who made sure the police would never find her rapist.

I couldn't wait anymore and immediately turned around, leaving the room. It felt cold out here, and the once pleasurable pain of her nails digging into me now only came back to haunt me, like a reminder of what I had done six years ago.

I made it to the study and closed the door behind me, my eyes closing. The voices in my head were louder than ever, and I took a long drag of the cigarette. It didn't do much at first, and only brought back the gory images of that night, a Thursday.

How Enrique had run back home. How he had been soaked in blood. How he had told me he thought he killed a girl.

Why did it haunt me now more than it did when she had been having those nightmares? Was it because now I know how she feels? Or was I now more aware of how I felt?

I swallowed and took another drag, then closed my eyes, my back slowly leaning on the chair.

A knock came on the door, causing me to look up. I turned to the camera, and Enrique was standing there, a small smile on his face.

My eyes narrowed as I pressed the button to usher him in, knowing very well that with the way I felt right now, if things didn't go well, one of us would leave this room horizontally.

"Sin," Enrique said as he walked in. "Someone's downstairs. Gabriel or so."

Another bastard with some foolish agenda against Annalise.

I nodded slowly. "I will be down."

He nodded but didn't leave, his smile, small as he watched me.

"Do I need to show you the door?"

Enrique shook his head, but instead of leaving, he came in closer, his hands clasped in front of him.

"I was just wondering, Sin."

"Wonder out of my study, Enrique."

He shook his head, then smiled again. "Did your new wife tell you that I recognize her?"

My face hardened, and I met his eyes. "What?"

"She is that girl. From six years ago. The virgin."

I closed my eyes. Fuck.

"I was so tired of all those wide-open hos. She was so fucking tight and sweet..."

I grabbed the gun that was resting on the right side of my desk, and before I knew it, I had covered the distance, pushing the gun into his mouth.

"One more fucking word," I said, my finger resting on the trigger.

He smiled, then slowly moved. "Are you on her side now? Does she know whose side you were on six years ago?"

"Enrique!"

"What if she finds out?"

"If she does, I will kill you. Because right now, I am waiting for her to."

He smiled again, then raised his hand in surrender. "We will see."

I watched as he turned and walked away, leaving me dreading what Annalise would do once she found out.