Chapter 43: Crossroads

Sin let out a shaky breath, his eyes softening as he took me in. I wasn't sure why I had said that or why I was doing this, and I knew I was probably high on the attention he had showered on me these past few days, but it would hurt to see him go. It would hurt to see him walk to her even if he didn't end this contract.

"Annalise," he said, his voice a small whisper, his chest heaving.

I slowly looked down, my eyes blinking. I still held his hand, however, my chest heaving, my vision blurry.

"Sin," Larissa said, and I could hear the same desperation that I heard in my voice in her voice, too. "Would you really pick her? She... she will never know you the way that I do. She will never love you the same. She will never know just how soft you could get. How fiercely protective you are. We have history. You have looked at only me ever since we were young, Sin. Years of history. The times that you kissed me under the rain. The time you killed that man who tried to force himself on me. The way you..."

"And what did you do, Larissa?" His voice was low, his brows drawn as he slowly turned to her. "What did you do with all of those years?"

She shook her head. "I might be foolish, Sin. But you have always been the mature one between us. You... there is no way you can let all of that go."

Sin still wasn't moving, but at this point, I knew I was losing. I had nothing. Not memories, not kisses in the rain. Not years of history. Nothing.

"Mummy?"

We all turned to the stairs, and Angel was standing there with a very frustrated butler.

"Angel," Sin said, his voice low.

Before any of us could do anything, she was running down the stairs, her arms out in front of her.

I breathed a sigh of relief as she looked like she was coming to me, then slowly crouched, my hand holding Sin still. It almost felt like I couldn't afford to let go because I knew that was the only reason he was still standing here with me.

Suddenly, Angel moved, circling around me and Sin. My lips parted, and a single tear rolled down my cheek, my eyes blinking rapidly as I heard Angel's feet grow distant.

"Angel," Sin said, his voice low and stern.

"Mummy!" Angel yelled instead, and I turned, just as she wrapped her hands around Larissa's legs.

"Mummy," she said amidst short bursts of tears. "Mummy, did you really tell her to come? Are you back now?"

I stood up, my tears now streaming down my cheeks hard, my chest heaving. I met Larissa's eyes, and she was looking at Sin, the gun still on her head.

"I am sorry, sweetie," she said, cracking the gun. "Daddy doesn't want us."

"Larissa," Sin said, but she closed her eyes, one hand holding Angel to her. Tears were escaping from her eyes, and she swallowed.

For a split second, nothing happened, but when Sin moved, his hand leaving mine, I had expected it. I watched him as he ran the short distance, grabbing the gun from her, his eyes wide.

Larissa immediately fell on him, her hands wrapping around him, her face buried in his chest. Angel was there, too, and that was the perfect family that they all wanted. I wasn't part of that. I never will be.

My fists clenched, and I turned away, tears forcing themselves down my cheeks even as I aggressively wiped them away, my chest heaving hard.

I turned away, my body slightly trembling with tears, my chest heaving. I didn't stop. I didn't look back. I just went up, seeking to rationalize the hurt I felt more than anything else.

I counted the minutes even as I entered the shower. I was tired of staring into the mirror and seeing images of nights that did not belong to me. Images of nights that would never belong to me.

In the end, no matter what, Sin was only a man. And he had loved her with everything.

I got out of the shower, my hair damp, a robe wrapped around me. I stopped, however, my eyes falling on Sin's broad, shirtless back.

He was looking out the window, a cigarette in his lips, his free hand tucked into the pockets of the black baggy pants he was wearing.

I swallowed, removing the towel I was using to strain the water in my hair, and then looked up at him.

"You have a headache. You probably shouldn't be smoking."

He swallowed, then slowly removed it from his lips. I couldn't see his expression, but I could almost tell. He didn't say a word, and I swallowed, moving around.

I had probably been expecting him to. Maybe. Say something to me. Anything. But for the longest time, he said nothing.

The silence hung over us like a dark cloud, and I swallowed, my eyes closed tight.

"Sin, I...-"

"I am sorry, Annalise."

I stopped talking, my eyes falling on him. He still had his back to me, but I could hear the slight tremble in his voice.

Slowly, he turned to me. The cigarette smoke was still rising from his hand, and he met my eyes. His eyes were sunken, and he swallowed, his lips slightly parting.

"Sin."

"I am sorry for not taking your hand when I dragged you into this mess. For weakening at that moment. I am sorry I am still weak."

I swallowed, my tears threatening to choke me. "She... she had a gun to her head. Any reasonable man would go to her. I was being selfish in asking you to stay. And, I don't even know how to make those toasts. I will not be able to replace a mother, not even for five months. I won't be able to...-"

My words were cut off as Sin covered the distance, his hand wrapping around me and pulling me right back into his warmth.

I swallowed, my chest heaving hard. My body melted into him the same way she said his body melted into hers, and I felt a lump rise in my throat. I should have known better than to crave his attention. I should have known better than to fit myself in the missing spots.

"Sin?"

"Just stay here. Just stay here. I will pay you for it."

I swallowed, pushing him away from me. "What exactly do you think of me?"

"Annalise."

"Do you think I am some roadside prostitute who only wants money and nothing else? Do you think I could never ever genuinely love your daughter? Do you think I would want to take advantage of you like this when I know everything that has happened and I saw you? I see you right now, and I know exactly how it feels. How it feels to be lonely. How it feels to lose someone. I don't want your money, Sin. I didn't want it back then when I asked you to stay. I didn't think of your money when..."

He covered the distance again, his hand wrapping tightly around the curve of my waist, his face buried in my neck. His lips parted against my skin, and I sighed, my chest heaving, my body lightly trembling.

"Then just stay," he whispered.

I knew he probably only needed someone, and I could have been just anyone, but... still.

"Stay, Annalise," he said again, and it was all that I needed to push those thoughts away.

I wrapped my hands around him, too, my palms flattening against his damp skin, my eyes closing slowly.

He pulled me closer, his fingers lacing in my hair, his chest heaving hard. Stay. It was all I knew how to do anyway.