I was not able to read Acwell's messages right away. My mobile data is most of the time switch off. I could not afford for wifi or 24-hour mobile data. Today, I only turned it on when Kai was already asleep, and I was getting ready to sleep, too. It's my off today, and I get to sleep with Kai tonight.
When I switched on the mobile data, Acwell's message popped right away. I was surprised to see it because I thought that Acwell had forgotten about us. After all, it has been a month since we left Dubai.
I read the message, and I could not believe it.
"Kamiah, I am ready for the divorce. Can you please tell me your address so I can send you the documents?"
I was hurt. I know at some point, it might happen. But I did not expect it to be this soon.
I cried because later I could not cry anymore. I need to be strong for my son. But I still could not accept that I needed to let go of the man I have always love.
"Kamiah, of course, this is bound to happen. Acwell had been seeing his other woman for quite a while before you even found out. But you have already left, you have a new life. So, it's time for you to let go completely," the voice inside me said.
I was lucky I got a place to stay now. Acwell could address the documents here. I was hesitating to reply, but I had to.
I was shaking when I was typing, and before I could even finish, I was sobbing loudly. I closed my eyes, took a deep breath, and continued typing.
"Let's finish this," I said to myself.
I stopped, read, and thought again whether I should send it. But I hit send and closed my eyes. Acwell was not online, so it might take a while before he could respond. Hell, he might not even reply.
No matter how much you are expecting something to happen, you can never be ready for it. That is what I feel tonight. And I am glad that I am off because I don't think I can do my job. All I want to do is cry.
I cried until I fell asleep. I forgot to switch off my mobile data because I was waiting for Acwell's reply. I have to recharge later. But Acwell did reply.
"Okay, Kamiah. Once I have all the documents, I will send them to you as soon as possible. I will let you know once I do."
I could not bring myself to respond. For me, it's enough talking to Acwell. But I missed him a lot. I thought I was already fine because we survived without him. I have forgotten my heart. It still belongs to him.
"Can you give it back?" I whispered and cried.
I stopped crying when Kai cried. It's time for his milk. And after he drunk from his bottle, he is now fully awake.
"Good morning, my sweetheart! How are you?"
"Mommy, mommy," Kai mumbled.
We played in the bed for a few minutes, and then I took him to the living room. He went to play with his toys while I prepared something to eat. It's 11:00 AM; we woke up late today.
While cooking, I turned on the washing machine to do my laundry as well. Thirty minutes after, the food is ready. I placed Kai in his high chair and gave him his meal. I started eating when my phone rang.
I received a message again. It's from Acwell.
"How are you? How is Kai?"
I reread it several times. I don't know if I should reply.
I looked at Kai, eating with a smile.
"Daddy is asking about you? What should we say?" I said.
"Daddy, daddy," Kai said.
He repeated it several times and looked excited. I was able to take a video of it.
"I guess that would be our reply," I said to Kai with a smile.
I sent the video to Acwell. He immediately replied with a heart emoji and a message.
"I missed him a lot."
Acwell replied, saying that he misses Kai made me sigh with disbelief. And I stopped responding.
I took Kai to the park after doing laundry. I let him ran around and play. I took videos of him. Starting from now, I should take videos and pictures of Kai more often than I usually do.
I need to send it to Acwell. When I left Dubai, I thought that because Acwell hurt me, he didn't deserve to see him. But remembering his message, I realized I should not deprive him of seeing Kai. Regardless of what is going on between us, he is still Kai's father. And he did not physically hurt him.
I saved the pictures and videos. Right now, I am still hurting. I could not bring myself to send those to him. Inside me, it's screaming; if Acwell missed him, he should not have ignored him.
We went back to the apartment when it was almost evening. Kai was tired after hours of running, playing, and walking to the nearest supermarket to buy some groceries, but he was happy. He sat watching TV after I washed and cleaned him. I prepared dinner without him bothering me.
My phone rang while we were having dinner. It's Acwell asking about Kai again. Since I replied to him, he almost did not stop asking about Kai. So, I just sent him all the videos and pictures that I took earlier. He tried calling me via Facebook messenger, but no, I can't speak to him.
"Is it not the right time to call you?"
That was Acwell's message. I did not reply, hoping that he would get the message that it was not the right time. And to be honest, I really don't know when would be the right time. I don't know when I would be able to talk to him without wanting to cry.