Chapter 67: Breath baby breath

River POV

He quickly moves his hand and turns my face, as he stops moving his hand but keeps his fingers in me.

"Baby doll, I'm sorry" I can feel his hand on my cheek gently stokeing it with his thumb.

"River, breath baby breath. It's okay, I'm sorry"

I open my eyes and I can feel the tears leaking out.

I'm a fucking mess.

I'll never be able to enjoy myself even with someone as sweet and gently as Finn.

He looks so scared.

When he looks into my eyes I can see the fear in them but I also see the love he feels for me.

"I'm sorry" I say through my tears.

I kiss him before he can tell me it's alright because it's not.

It's not alright.

He slowly pulls his fingers out of me and it makes me cry more.

I don't want him to stop, I want them in me.

He pulls the sheets over his naked bottom half and pulls me to his chest.

"I didn't think, I'm so sorry doll"

I just shake my head.

It was so quick, it hit me so fast.

I hate my self.

I hate my body.

I hate that Stan Zunker ruined me forever.

I get up, grab my shirt and run to the bathroom.

I lean back against the cold tile and a flash of the handsome boy with his eyes closed leaning in to kiss me.

"Why did you have to come back and why can't I get you out of my head" he whispers in my ear.

Then darkness and the same voice calling to me

"Amorina, come back to me"

My eyes fly open and I gasp.

It's the same voice!

I shake my head.

I'm confused by this, is it real?

Is the boy who kisses me in the bathroom, the same voice that saved me over and over again from slipping into the darkness?

I'm so confused.

Does the voice belong to the boy who kissed me?

I jump from the sound of knocking on the door.

Oh my god Finn, he's probably so worried and full of guilt.

I open the door and jump into his arms.

He just pulls me tighter and kisses my head.

"River, I'm so sorry baby"

I just shake my head and hug him tighter.

I need to feel his hard body pressing into me.

"Finn, stop!" I yell

He stops holding me.

"No hold me.Stop feeling guilty.You are perfect!"

I feel the tension in his body ease a little.

I pull back and kiss him softly.

"I'm safe with you, I know I am. It hits me without warning sometimes. I can't control it, I'm so sorry I ruined our perfect moment" I cry out

He just pulls me tightly and breaths heavily into my neck.

"I love you River and we will have more perfect moments but we'll also have these moments."

He pulls us apart slightly and picks me up and sets me on the counter.

I look up at him.

"My love for you will never change no what moment we're having. I love you and that means all of you"

He kisses the tears off my face.

"I've never said those words to anyone other then my family. I will love you forever River, we have all the time in the world and I don't want you rushing yourself because you feel we have a time limit"

"Finn" I cry pulling him to me.

How can he be so sweet to me after all this?

"Tell me doll, talk to me please" he pleads.

I start crying harder.

"He ruined me, he ruins everything still. I will never be able to give myself to you fully because he took everything from me" I sob into his chest.

He tips my face up to meet his eyes.

"Wrong, your still here. He didn't take everything. He did some fucked up shit and if he wasn't dead I would kill him with my bare hands. You are stronger then him, you lived. You won" he says kissing my head.

I've never thought of it like that.

Finn's right he tried to break me, he tried to kill me but I lived.

"I've never thought of it like that. Thank you" I say softly

He looks so sad and In pain.

"I wish I could take your pain away. I wish I could protect you from all this hurt" He says lovingly.

He puts his head to mine.

"You can. You do Finn. Everytime you look at me like I'm beautiful instead of broken. Everytime you kiss the ugliness on my body away, I feel lighter, sexy and wanted. You make me feel stronger you make me feel alive for the first time in my life." I tell him.

I wrap my arms around his neck pulling him to me closer.

I kiss him passionately.

I stop and lift my arms up.

He smiles and pulls my shirt off.

I quickly take my bra off.

He pulls me back in to his lips.

I put his hands on me.

He caresses my bare back with one hand and gently runs his fingers up and down my side with the other.

"Will you shower with me?" I ask.

He chokes a little.

"Just a shower?"

I kiss him.

"Yes, we are going to be late if we don't hurry and get ready" I laugh

I lean in and whisper in ear "Tonight I want you to make love to me"

He looks like his stoking out now.

He's tense and looks lost in thought.

Then he kisses me on my chest where my heart is.