Chapter 350: I'm River Smith-Spencer

River POV

I pull myself as far in the corner under the bar as I can. My hands are still shaking. My doctor suddenly changed my meds a week ago and they don't work as good as the other ones. She said the other ones aren't working but they were working fine I thought. Now I'm confused again and I can't tell what's real or not. Pickle caught me drinking but I only wanted to sleep with no nightmares.

I try calling my doctor again, for the last 5 days it keeps going to her voicemail saying that she's out of town and to leave a message I've left hundreds of messages. I leave another one anyway "It's River again. These meds aren't working my mind is fuzzy again please call me. I'm scared, I need help." I hang up and pull my knees higher to my chest. I jump when I see my brother Colt look under the bar at me. He backs away.

"Pickle I've got her." He says climbing under the bar with me. He just takes my hand and wraps his arm around me.

"Say it." He says turning my face to his.

I'm River Smith-Spencer. I'm safe and loved by many." I start crying.

"I don't believe you. Say it again." Colt say moving my face back up to his.

I'm River Smith-Spencer. I'm safe and loved by many." I say again.

"That's better my big little sister." He says messing up my hair cause he knows I hate that.

"Mommy can I hide in there with you?" Annie little voice asks.

"Come here baby bunny." I say wiping my face.

I wrap her in my arms.

"Mommy why did daddy Ollie move out?" She asks me. She's asked everyday for the last week and I don't know what to tell her cause I honesty don't know what is real and what isn't so I'm not sure my self.

"You will see him this weekend my love." I say as I kiss her head.

"Are you still scared mommy?" She asks hugging me tightly. I shake my head "No your hugs are helping me." I say hugging her back.

"My love can you come out. We need to get going." Pickle says.

"Maybe she should just stay here with Victoria?" Chailor says softly.

"No I have to go Lucky needs me." I yell making Annie and Colt jump. I squeeze Colts hand and hug Annie tighter. "I'm sorry." I say quietly.

I see Pickle's hand reach down for me. The gate bell rings.

"It's River's med delivery." Chailor says.

"Colt will you and Annie start heading over to Grandmas house. We'll come say goodbye before we leave." Pickle tells them.

"Why do they have to take my blood and vitals everytime when you guys do that anyway. Just tell them to leave me the meds and go away!" I say scooting out from under the bar and taking Pickle's hand.

He hugs me tightly to his chest as he kisses my head.

"Come in and have a seat." Chailor says to the nurse guy who comes now. I liked the first guy who came before, this guy just gives me the yucks and I'm not sure why but I hate the way my body feels when he touches me.

"Okay River. I'm going to take your blood. He says.

"The new meds don't seem to be working. She gets bad again and not any better." Chailor says as she sits next to me and takes my hand.

"Has the doctor called back yet?" He asks. I shake my head. He puts the blood vile in his little medical case.

He moves his hands up my back and down my arms. Goose bumps litter my skin quickly and I cringe with his touch.

"Well she looks good physically. We are taking more people to the new retreat this weekend I could drive her up for you." He offers. I shake my head. "No! I have to go to Lucky please Luca!" I start crying as I curl up on his lap.

"Shh Kitten. Shh I know." He says kissing my head over and over.

"Maybe when we get back." He tells him.

"I could only get a week supply filled for her, so I'll be back on Monday afternoon." He says.

After he leaves Chailor hugs me and says "I'm going to walk Hadley down to Victoria and Mia and we'll get going."

"Come on baby let's go get your shot ready and change your clothes."

"Why can't I just take the pills again! I liked them they acually worked!" I shout. I shake my head.

"I'm not a doctor my love but we're looking for those same answers. We'll figure it out." He say with a light smile.

"I'm sorry Honey but I'm sick again this isn't working. I'm scared for Lucky and my head is foggy and full of confusing things."

He lifts me to his mouth "River Smith-Spencer I love you. You are mine always and I'll always keep you safe." He kisses my lips softly as I wrap my arms around his neck.

"I love you Honey." I say as he sits me on the bed.

"Belly or butt?" I groan lifting my shirt and pointing to my belly.

"Why did they take him to Germany again? I'm confused again sorry." I say putting my head down in embarrassment. My memory is really messed up from this stupid medicine.

He lifts my face back up to his "River if you forget or your confused it's perfectly normal to ask us questions. We can help in anyway we can." I jump up into his arms.

"I didn't drink this time, I just wanted you to know." I say digging my face into his chest. He kisses my head.

"Thank you baby. I know that must have been hard. Did you use your breathing instead?" I nod my head looking up in to his beautiful green eyes.

"I miss my boys." I start crying. He hugs me tight nuzzling my neck.

"I know Kitten I miss them too. It's a little weird sleeping in the bed with just us two huh?." He kisses my head.

"Did you find out why Lucky has the bed he was completely against being delivered next week?" I ask laughing.

He laughs hard "I'm assuming it was from the head injury or he lost a bet again to Denalii." He shrugs and I smack his chest.

"These stupid shots give me a headache." I say throwing myself dramatically back on to the bed.

He crawls up my body kissing my belly up to my neck.

I wrap my legs around him pulling him down on me as I kiss him hard. I pull his shirt off and bite his shoulder as he kisses my neck.

"They also make you super horny my love. My dicks still sore from the twenty times we made love three days ago." He says turning us over so I'm on top of him. I laugh as I undo his pants.