Chapter 21
Flashback
Tatyana - 7 years old
The magic of comforting thoughts takes me back to a memory from when I was still a child. Mom was by my side, and together we were looking at various ice cream flavors displayed in the window of a candy shop. She was a woman of medium height, with slightly platinum blonde hair, blue eyes like mine, and a delicate face.
"Sweetheart, which ice cream flavor do you want?" she asked with a genuine smile and sparkling eyes.
"Strawberry, Mom, my favorite! Mom, could we live here?"
"Live here? Where, sweetheart? In the ice cream shop?"
"Yes! Can you imagine eating ice cream every day?" I started jumping with excitement.
My mom let out a long laugh that only she could give. This moment remained etched in my memory for being so loving and, at the same time, full of meaning. Mrs. Clarissa’s smile was like feeling the sun gently touch your skin at dawn, sweet and calming.
"Mom, will you be able to get our house back?" I asked as she looked at me sadly.
My father had always been addicted to gambling, but over the years, he lost everything. It started with small amounts, and before we realized it, all our possessions were gone. He began working to pay off gambling debts and to provide us with the bare minimum. Mom worked various jobs, day and night, to ensure I never went without. I love my father, but I can’t ignore the addiction that, over the years, destroyed everything, leading to the moment we’re in now, even costing his life.
"I’ll never be able to get our house back on my own… One day, you, my daughter, will save the world," Mom said sadly.
"The world is too big to be saved!"
"The world, my daughter, can be a single person!"
Everything disappears like smoke dissipating into the cold waters, leaving only solitude behind!
End of Flashback
***
A bright beam of light brings me back, and I open my eyes after a deep darkness. I see Samuel holding me tightly in his arms. Did he jump into the sea to save me? He looks at me, desperate, and his voice comes out trembling.
"Fuck… damn it! Talk to me, damn it, talk to me!"
My body collapses onto the soft sand, and he holds my face firmly. I just close my eyes and internally realize that, even though it seems almost impossible, Samuel Colt still has a soul.
"Don’t move, I’ll be right back. I’m going to get the car."
Samuel rushes off, and I slowly turn onto my side, coughing up the water from my stomach. I see two feet stop beside me and lift my face with difficulty to see who it is.
"Tatyana, I don’t know what you did to make Samuel throw you off the bridge and then save you, but Pavel sends his regards."
Severo, one of the men from the brotherhood, strikes something hard against my head, plunging me back into darkness.
***
POV Samuel
It was five seconds of rage and loss of control. When Tatyana called me a coward, my ego was terribly wounded, but nothing hurt more than realizing I had thrown her into the river. As soon as my hands let her go, it was as if I were trying to kill a part of myself. Her body fell into the icy water, and she thrashed desperately. Seconds felt like hours, and an agonizing pain made me want to explode, to release everything I was feeling at that moment. A scream of anger, pain, despair, and most of all, fear escaped my lips into the wind—fear for hesitating and knowing I needed to save her.
Without waiting any longer, without doubts or uncertainties about what I was feeling, I leaped off the bridge straight into the freezing water, diving deep. Everything was dark, and the moonlight was the only brightness that night. My eyes burned as I kept them open, desperately searching until I saw her. I spotted Tatyana sinking slowly, almost becoming part of the vast river. I approached her and wrapped my arms around her waist, pulling her toward the surface.
My heart pounded erratically, as if I had just launched myself into a war. Seeing her like this—pale, cold, and almost lifeless—completely shattered what was left of my sanity. I carried her to the shore and laid her on the sand, pressing on her chest and bringing my lips to hers. Inside, I was still tormented, screaming for this to be enough to save her.
My hands held her face, and my eyes burned from the river water mixed with the salty tears starting to form. Her body didn’t react immediately; her skin was cold, and for a moment, I felt an even greater, unrelenting pain punishing me. I was being punished—punished for my pain, for my weakness, for my inability to control myself. Everything was silent, enveloped by the sound of the river’s waters lapping against the fine sand.
I couldn’t believe what I had done. I had hurt her with those lashes loaded with pain, and now I had thrown her into the river, blaming her for the new feeling that had taken hold of me. When she fell into the blue waters and her soul and body were lost in the depths, I realized I could no longer live without her.
"All these years, I was fine, in control, but why does losing her make everything unbearable?" I thought.
I ran my fingers over her dry, slightly blue lips and forcefully tried to expel the water from her lungs. Her cheeks started to regain a little color, and I anxiously brushed my hand over the apples of her cheeks. Tatyana let out a faint groan, and I saw her hand clutch the soft sand as she regained consciousness.
"Tatyana, come back to me. Don’t leave me in this life of pain, alone! Fuck… damn it! Talk to me, damn it, talk to me!"
Her eyes opened, and she began coughing up the water trapped in her stomach. My compressed chest finally exhaled as I saw her alive.
"Don’t move. I’ll be right back. I’m going to get the car," I said as I stood up and quickly headed for the car.
My chest still tightened with anxiety, and my mind was clouded. I opened the trunk of the car and grabbed a blanket. I needed to cover her; the water had been freezing. Closing the trunk, I quickly got into the driver’s seat and started the car. Parking near the shore, I stepped out, and my heart froze. I looked at the wet sand and didn’t see Tatyana. Just moments ago, she had been in my arms; she couldn’t have vanished like this. I scanned the area desperately.
"Tatyana!" I shouted, running to the river and wading back into the icy waters, frantically searching for her body with my arms.
I dove, looking for any sign, any fragment that might indicate where she was. Out of breath, I surfaced again, walking all around the area. I searched every inch of the place, while an anguished voice inside me screamed, desperate to find her. My heart ached, and for the first time, I wanted to destroy everything—I felt utterly defeated.
I quickly returned to the car and searched the streets, hoping to find Tatyana. A mix of panic and torment engulfed me, torment for having thrown her off the bridge, guilt for holding her cold body in my arms and feeling like she might not live because of my weakness, because of what I felt—just like my mother so many years ago. Worse yet, this anguish ate at me for not having the chance to tell her I had done it out of fear, out of weakness, out of a desire for her that consumed me.
If she fled out of fear of me, she probably wouldn’t go home. Or perhaps she would go to John.
I drove toward John’s house but believed someone had taken her—she wouldn’t just disappear like magic, especially not in her weakened state. It was unacceptable to think anyone would dare take her from me.
I got out of the car and banged furiously on the door. John lived in a large, modern, two-story house, completely luxurious. He had left the mansion years ago when I took over. After a few minutes, he opened the door, staring at me in shock.
"What’s wrong? What happened? Why are you pounding like a madman?"
"Tatyana is gone. Is she here with you? If she’s here, John, and you don’t tell me, I’ll destroy you."
"Hey, calm down, breathe, man. You’re worked up. She’s not here! Do you think she ran away? Why would she just disappear? She cares about her father’s life—she wouldn’t do that."
"I threw her into the Moscow River, off the Golden Bridge where our mother died," I confessed, running a nervous hand over my face.
"What? Are you out of your fucking mind, Samuel?" John asked furiously.