Chapter 29

Vanessa Vargas

I sat on the metal bench, looking at my new nails, feeling Spades guards watching me from way back by where the police stood.

They didn't ride with me or go into the lingerie store obviously but they followed, observed, and made sure I would be okay.

As annoying as it could be, I was grateful. I didn't exactly know what kind of life Spade partook in outside of me.

My mother came out in handcuffs and sat across from me.

"Mom." I looked at her.

I felt small. I always feel small.

"Why are you here?" She asked, her eyes cold, she was still doing drugs.

I thought there'd be a chance she was sober. That she couldn't get anything in here.

I felt anxious.

"I'm not quite sure."

"You look different. Your rich huh? You're his whore. You're a cock sucking bitch. He arrested your mother, Vanessa." She scoffed, letting out a sour chuckle and I wanted to vomit with how she was looking at me.

"My mother who never did anything for me. Who put all of her burdens on a child. That is the woman we are speaking of." I cleared my throat.

I hoped. God I thought... I don't know what I thought.

"I didn't ask to be a mother at 16, Vanessa. It wasn't supposed to happen." Her eyes were red and began watering.

"But it did. It happened. I'm sorry you had to go through that. But I didn't ask to be here." I stood, looking at her.

"And for fucks sake, stop doing heroine. You look 50. I'm also not a whore, or a bitch. But have a lovely time in here. It looks... comfy for you." I know what I said wasn't a good enough comeback.

It wasn't a good exit line.

But I had nothing.

Spade was right, I shouldn't have done it.

"Ma'am you need to checkout." The lady said and I wiped my face before scribbling numbers of a time I was unsure of and couldn't even see.

I walked out and sniffled, going to the car and into the back, shutting the little opening between his driver and I.

And I held my breath. Waiting for it to stop.

I was a grown ass adult. Not 9.

But I felt so broken. I wanted to hug her. I wanted to hug little Nessa and promise her she'd be okay, she'd be happy.

Because I am. He makes me happy.

I make me happy.

You're fine ness, I promise love, you're okay.

I whispered that to myself like a chant.

"I apologize for bothering you but would you like your typical mango pineapple smoothie?" The driver asked.

I laughed.

"It's okay."

"Spade won't let me take you back until I get it for you." He chuckled.

"Okay then." I nodded.

He handed me some tissues.

"Thank you." He shut the thing and I heard muffles but that's it.

He handed it to me a few minutes later.

Then my phone dinged.

Spade: call me when you feel better please. You don't have to talk about it, I just wanna distract you.

I sighed, I was fine. Butterflies in my stomach, a smoothie in my hand. I was good.

I pulled the book from my Barnes and Nobles bag, I got a few, and I began reading.

I was satisfied knowing where she was. That she wasn't planning on changing. I was okay with it.

It's time for me to heal.