Chapter 19: Chapter Nineteen

He’s definitely worth the trouble.

That was the predominant thought in her mind as she picked at her food. As much as she wanted to latch onto the fact that he was rich and therefore stood for everything she hated, she couldn’t. Because yeah, he had money, but he was nothing like the life and the people she’d left behind. And every moment she spent with him only reaffirmed that.

“What’s wrong? Don’t like the food?” he asked, nodding toward her plate.

“No, it’s fine. My appetite seems to have vanished.” At least her appetite for food had, but for other things…no such luck. She set her plate back on the cart. “I’m going to take a shower.”

“Another one?” He laughed. “I’ve never met anyone who showers as much as you do.”

“It relaxes me.” She rummaged in her bag for some pajamas.

“And you’re not relaxed right now?”

His voice was much too close. So was his body. She turned to find him standing in front of her, gaze dark.

“No,” she whispered, then cleared her throat. “I mean, I am. Relaxed. It’s just…” When did she lose her ability to form a coherent sentence? Or her nerve to tell him to get lost. She’d had no problem doing that when she’d first met him, but now? Now, she could barely speak without blurting out what she really thought of him.

“What?”

Was he challenging her? Sure sounded like he was. She took a deep breath and lifted her chin defiantly. “Nothing.” She headed toward the bathroom, his gaze burning her alive. Just a few more days and then she could get some distance from him. That’s all she needed—some space to get her mind back in the right place and reaffirm all the reasons why Ryder was a bad idea.

Twenty minutes later, Madison pulled the towel tighter around her body and stepped out of the shower. She’d been so damn distracted she’d forgotten to grab her pajamas. “Bathroom’s all yours,” she said, entering the bedroom.

Ryder was sitting on the edge of the bed, head in his hands. He looked up at her, frowned, then looked away just as quickly. Her heart raced, and a sense of dread crashed over her harder than a tsunami. She backed up against the wall, needing the support. Something was wrong. She could see it in his face, feel it in the way he was now walking toward her. He stopped in front of her and held out a room key.

“What’s this for?” she asked, trying to keep the panic from her voice.

“A key to the room.” His tone was crisp. “I paid for a second one while you were in the shower.”

Her eyes widened, and she refused to take the key. “You’re kicking me out of the room?”

They’d been sharing hotel rooms for a couple days now. Granted, they’d only shared a bed once, and nothing had happened, but she’d thought their arrangement was working just fine. Why had he suddenly decided she needed to have her own room? It didn’t have something to do with their conversation over dinner, did it?

“You can have this room. I’ll take the new one. It’s right next door,” he said. “I think it’s for the best.” His voice cracked, and he cleared his throat.

“Why?” she whispered.

Finally realizing she still hadn’t taken the key, he tossed it on the dresser. He rubbed his hands over his face as if he were tired and weary. “Because it’s the only way I can keep my sanity.”

“What the hell is that supposed to mean?” She crossed her arms and glared at him.

“It means I want you, Madison!”

Her heart lodged in her throat, and she pressed her back tighter against the wall. She’d never heard him yell before. And she sure as hell had never seen him get angry or lose his cool.

“I want you so fucking bad I can’t even see straight anymore.” He stepped closer. “All I can think about is kissing you. Touching you.” He put his hand on the wall, right above her head, and leaned down. “Of how your hand had felt when you touched me.”

His face was so close to hers, and for a fleeting moment, she considering telling him to go for it, that she hadn’t been able to think of anything else, either. But she kept her mouth shut, knowing once those words were out of her mouth, there’d be no going back.

“I lay awake at night wondering what your lips would feel like on mine.” A faint, seductive smile touched his mouth, and his eyes darkened with desire. “And right now, all I can think about is ripping this towel off you.” He lightly rested his other hand on her waist. “I want to know what your naked body will feel like beneath mine as I slide my hard, aching cock into you.” His words were as smooth and confident as he was.

Holy fucking erotic! She sucked in a sharp breath, afraid to look away from his intense gaze. Her clit throbbed with need, and she really wished she weren’t standing there in just a towel. Even the thinnest pair of panties would offer some protection from the arousal building between her legs.

“But all of that?” He flexed his fingers, the movement branding her waist with his touch. “I can deal with that. What I can’t deal with is you acting like there’s nothing happening between us.”

Madison swallowed hard and tried to gather her thoughts, which were nothing but a big steaming pile of mush. “It’s better this way, Ryder. Trust me.” She said a silent “thank you” for her voice not sounding squeaky, or failing her completely.

“Why?”

“Lots of reasons.”

He flinched ever so slightly, like her answer was painful to hear. “Fine. Give me a reason, then. Just one. That’s all I need.”

She really needed to start thinking more before she spoke. “Well, for starters, you’re…” Rich, sexy, charming, a true gentleman, everything I’ve ever wanted. Shit. That wasn’t exactly a concrete reason why she couldn’t be with him. If anything, it proved his point.

“I’m what?”

“Nothing.” She shook her head. “It’s just… I’m…” Terrified of having my heart broken and you turning your back on me like every other man in my life.

“What?”

He moved closer, his lips within reach. All she had to do was move a fraction of an inch and put both of them out of their misery. All the wondering and longing would go away in an instant. Yet, she was frozen in place, paralyzed by what-ifs and worst case scenarios. Her heart was in her throat. Her chest was tight with a breath she couldn’t pull all the way in. Her hands trembled.

“I can handle whatever it is,” he said.

“Have you looked at yourself lately, Ryder? You’re walking, talking sin looking for a place to happen, and I don’t want to be the girl who gets destroyed in the process.”

He took a deep breath, his nostrils flaring. “That’s where you’re wrong, Madison. You’re not the girl who’s going to be destroyed by me.” He straightened and pressed his lips to her forehead in a tender kiss. Her eyes fluttered closed, and she stood perfectly still, never wanting him to stop. But he did, and when he pulled away, he whispered, “You’re the girl who’s going to destroy me.”

Ryder walked out of the room. Tears sprang to her eyes, and she bit down hard on her bottom lip, hoping the physical pain would keep the emotional pain at bay. But the click of the door was like an on switch, and tears fell down her cheeks. She blinked and then wiped at her face.

So much for him pretending to be her fiancé. It had been stupid to even ask him, and even stupider that she’d gotten excited when he’d said yes.

She couldn’t wrap her mind around what had just happened. Madison stared at the closed door, willing it to open and Ryder to walk in. But he wasn’t. And he wouldn’t. This was why she was fighting against everything she wanted, every feeling and urge and desire to be with him, because she knew, clear to her soul, that he was just like every other man in her life. He’d abandon her and never look back.

Well, she’d be damned if she sat around and cried over a guy who could so easily walk out of her life. She grabbed a pair of shorts and a T-shirt and put them on before brushing her hair into a loose ponytail. Slipping her feet into her favorite pair of flip flops, she tucked her phone and the room key into her pocket.

She yanked the door open and gasped. “Ryder?” The tips of her ears burned, and her heart hammered in her chest. “I thought you were staying in the other room.”

“I am. But I left all my stuff in here.”

“Oh, right.” Disappointment weighed her down like an anchor. She moved to the side so he could come in. Of course, he hadn’t come back for her. Why would he? He’d been pretty clear about his feelings.

Ryder entered and quickly gathered his stuff, shoving it into his suitcase. “I’d like to get an early start tomorrow morning.”

She nodded. “Sure.” A few more days and then she wouldn’t have to rely on him any longer. She’d go stay with Heather and figure out how to get back to Florida. Without him.

“Okay, well, have a good night.” He carried his suitcase out to the hallway and then turned around to face her. “Are we okay?”

“Just peachy.” She titled her head and gave him the cheesiest smile imaginable.

“Madison.” He sighed.

“Look, I get why you’re doing what you’re doing, but I have never led you on, Ryder. Not once. I’ve been very honest with you about my feelings.”

“I know.” He hung his head. “I crossed the line, and I’m sorry. It won’t happen again.”

She shifted on her feet, wanting so badly to tell him it’s okay, that deep down she felt the same way, wondered the same things, but she knew she couldn’t give him what he wanted the most, and so she kept her thoughts to herself.

“I’m trying my hardest to respect your wishes, and I don’t want to ruin whatever friendship we’re building, especially if that’s all I’ll ever have,” he said. “So, I hope you understand why I’m doing this.”

She averted her gaze, refusing to let the discussion circle back around to their lack of a relationship, and she sure as hell wasn’t going to let him know how much his decision hurt.

“And I’ll still pretend to be your fiancé, if you want.”

Ignoring his offer, she asked, “What time do you want to leave tomorrow?”

He shrugged. “Seven, maybe.”

Madison nodded. “Okay. I’ll meet you in the lobby at seven, then.”

He opened his mouth like he wanted to say something more but then snapped his jaw shut. Without another word, he turned and headed down the hall. Madison closed the door and rested her forehead against it. Her resolve was fraying, and she honestly didn’t know how much longer she could resist him. Hell, she wasn’t even sure she wanted to resist him anymore. Kicking off her flip flops, she went to the bed and flopped face down onto it, hoping she could shut off her thoughts and the world around her by simply closing her eyes.

She climbed off the bed and changed out of her shorts and T-shirt and into an oversize night shirt with the college logo emblazoned across the front.

Her phone rang, and she groaned as she fumbled to get it out of the pocket of her shorts that were currently in a heap on the floor. Of course, it was her stepmother. Just the person she wanted to talk to right now. Rolling her eyes, she swiped her finger across the screen.

“Hello, Mother,” she answered.

“Madison.” The amount of contempt in the way she said her name made Madison’s jaw clench. “Considering you’re bringing some fiancé that we didn’t know existed, we’d like to invite you and him to dinner. When will you be arriving?”

Madison rubbed her forehead. “I don’t know. We’ll probably be there sometime Monday or Tuesday.”

“Very well. Give the house a call when you arrive and we’ll do dinner,” she said.

“Yeah, sure. Whatever.” Exhaustion was like a weight around her neck. “I’ll talk to you soon.” She ended the call and tossed her phone to the foot of her bed.

Ryder was upset with her because she was too damn terrified of letting him get any closer, which meant they knew next to nothing about each other. How would they ever convince her stepmother that they were engaged? She was back to having to choose—come clean to her stepmother, or grovel at Ryder’s feet for forgiveness. There had to be a way to convince him that they could pull off this lie while remaining friends. Only friends.

“Ugghhh!” Who was she kidding? No way could they pretend to be engaged, at least not believably. But letting him any closer wasn’t an option.

Why should she have to? He knew she didn’t want anything more than friendship from him, and he was the one who agreed to be her fake fiancé. Why should she have to change anything? If he couldn’t play his part and not expect more from her, then that was his problem. Not hers. And she was more than happy to tell him that.