Chapter 44: Chapter Fourty-Four

Olivia

I'm on autopilot. Everything I'm doing, I'm doing for the sake of a need. Jason asked me if I'm ok, and I had to fake a smile and told him I was. But I know he saw through me, he knows I lied to him. It's been two days since he asked me that, three since we went to the doctor. It's Saturday and Jason had to head to work or maybe he just doesn't want to around my somber mood, which I understand. My family is also coming over and I don't want them to find me like this.

I'm sitting in the kitchen watching Mrs Belle cook and listening to her talking about the week she had. I asked Jason to ask her to come in today so I wouldn't be alone and he agreed. "Ok, you're too quiet, what's bothering you?" She asks me and I like that she knows me like that.

My face falls and I feel tears gather in my eyes. "I'm pregnant." I tell her and she comes over to me and hugs me, cooing in my ear. "I don't know why I'm not happy. I mean I want kids, lots of them, but I can't seem to be happy that I'm pregnant." I finally tell her the problem and she laughs at me.

"Girl please. It's your first pregnancy, the first few months are of fear not joy." She tells me after wiping out my tears. "You're feeling overwhelmed and that's ok, and I'm sure you feel even worse because Jason is more than happy I can imagine. It's ok though. It's going to pass, but you also need to talk to him." She continues and I nod the whole time she's talking.

"You're really good at this mothering thing." I tell her and she laughs again and goes back to the stove. She's busy making me a late breakfast of eggs and ham with some sausage. I haven't had anything to eat except for drink coffee, which she chastised me about.

"And you're going to be good at it too. It takes practice." She replies plating my food and hers.

"I really needed this talk. I've been waiting to talk to you the whole week but I've been at work." I tell her.

"You could have just called me." She tells me pointedly.

"I know." We then eat in silence.

With my mood lifted, I feel like I can have my family over now. I hope Jason comes back soon so that I can talk to him like Mrs Belle suggested. The door opens then and in walks Jason like he heard me summon him in my mind. He greets Mrs Belle then comes to me and kisses my temple and starts walking in the direction of the bedroom.

He looks tired, more like defeated and I know I'm to blame. But after Mrs Belle leaves, I'm going to talk to him, and maybe he'll touch me more than he did in the last three days. We haven't been intimate and I know that's also adding to his stress, it's adding to mine too.

"Congratulations Mr Osbourne. Olivia said you're about to be a daddy." Mrs Belle calls out to him and he looks over at us and thanks her and continues walking on. But not before I saw a spark that lit and dimmed so fast I could have missed it.

"See? Even he has been pulled into my orbit." I tell her, pushing my half eaten plate away.

She pushes it right back infront of me and tells me to eat, but she stands up and tells me she is leaving.

After telling me to talk to Jason, she leaves and my nerves spark up again. "No time like the present." I say to myself and head to the bedroom where Jason is lying on the bed. I stand by the door watching him, I know he knows I'm here, but I also know he won't turn. So I walk to the bed and climb on and straddle his back and lie on top of him and hug him tight.

"I'm scared." I whisper to him and he stiffens. "I'm really scared. I'm waiting for the other shoe to fall and my mind keeps circling back to when it will fall. I keep imagining you walking out of my life, telling me you no longer want me and taking my babies with you. Then I'll be left alone with no one to love me." Tears are now wetting his white dress shirt.

"I mean that's the only reason why you would be in such a hurry to get married and have babies. I'm scared that I'm not enough for you. You'll go and find someone else after divorce who will take care of you and my babies and I will be standing looking in from outside." I tell him and climb off him and attempt to walk to the shower but he holds my hand back and pulls me to him.

I can't handle looking him in the eye, my emotions are too raw for that. He stands up infront of me and lifts my head up to him but I close my eyes. I'm waiting for him to do something, speak or maybe hold me but he does non of that, and I know he wants me to open my eyes. But I'm stubborn, so I won't.

My stubbornness wins and he asks me to open my eyes but I shut them tight screwing my face. I'm being childish I know. I feel his touch and body heat move from me, I know he's testing to see if I will open my eyes. But moment later I feel him behind me as he takes both my arms and pulls them behind me and I feel silk touch my skin, a moment later he has both of them tied. My mind is screaming.

"I won't make you open your eyes if you don't want to," he says and I'm grateful but a moment later I feel another piece of cloth touching my face. "If you don't want to look, it's fine," he continues speaking as he kisses my temple. "I'm doing this for you baby, not my pleasure but yours."

A part of me wants to know what he's going to do now but a part of me is questioning my logic because why didn't I open my eyes and just looked at him. I don't have time to ask him what he's doing because he kicks the insides of both my feet and my traitorous body obeys like it's done this a million times before. My legs open and I feel him sliding down behind me and from under my dress, he pulls my panties down and opens my ass cheeks and and kisses my pussy from behind that I moan so deliciously loud and almost lose my balance but he stops and holds my waist.