Chapter 40: Chapter Fourty

Olivia

When I walk into the elevator, Jason follows me in. I didn't even notice him following me. I don't look at him though, in fact I don't even give him my attention. On my phone I order an Uber and it says it's five minutes away. When I get off on reception floor, he follows me until I get to the sidewalk and wait for the car. When the car arrives, he's the one to open my door for me and I panic thinking he's really letting me go without a word. I'm so surprised that I almost laugh when he follows me into the car.

When we get to my place and get off, I realise I left my bag that has my key card inside. He surprises me again by pulling a key card out of his pocket and lets us in. It's been a very long time since I have been here, I came here exactly once to be exact. The place is clean. I guess Jason was true to his word. There are also things that I hadn't brought along from my place with Scar. Like the big screen in the sitting room and sofas.

I go to the bedroom and I'm thankful I brought along my pajamas. It's colder in this place than at Jason's. He closes the door behind himself and stays behind it. He's following me around with his eyes as I change. When he walks towards the bed, I look at him. He takes off the big pillows and the smaller ones then like he always does, he takes off his clothes also looking at me, his expression serious.

In my heart I'm happy he's going to join me in bed, but in my mind I'm screeching because what the hell does he think he's doing? He does not get to climb my bed after the way he treated me. After the distance he tried to put between us. My coming here was to give him the space he so silently wanted. I'm merely following in his steps. But I will not tell him any of that because until he apologizes I will not speak to him.

We both climb into bed at the same time, and just like back at his place we sleep in the same positions. I sleep on the edge of the bed not facing him. Just as I'm about to fall asleep, I feel his hand snake around my waist and he pulls me back to him then kisses the back of my head and tells me he loves me and I feel a tear roll down to the side of my face but I don't acknowledge it as I fall asleep.

~

Jason

I was panicking and also trying to protect myself. I know what I said was wrong, trying to get her off work and also trying to rush her into marriage. My problem is I don't know what to do. I want her as close to me as I can, but all I'm doing is driving her away. And that shit I did of trying to put some distance between us? I don't know what I was thinking.

But it was worse when I saw her packing a bag. I followed her. I can't live without her, I won't. I would lose my mind if I lost her. She doesn't get it, I would follow her through hell and protect her from the fire with my own skin. I know what I'm feeling is dangerous but I'm way past caring.

When she said we were not going to get married sooner, I panicked. My mind was telling me that she didn't want me anymore. That's why I took a step back. That's why I tried putting distance between us. Then she went to that other bedroom and locked the door. Yeah, I could have kicked the door in, but I also know that I hurt her by putting distance between us. I won't let that shit happen again, that's why I pulled her to me when she slept far away from me.

Now it's morning. I'm standing in the middle of her tiny kitchen making coffee and talking to the phone with Rudy to get me something to wear and get us some breakfast food because there's no food here. I don't know how long we're going to be here, so I figure we'll go shopping later if I haven't convinced Olivia to go back to our place.

I lift my head from the coffee pot and spot Olivia standing on the doorway of the kitchen. She slept in her pajamas last night. Pink with little strawberries on them. She looks cute and edible. Her face is puffy from crying last night, making me feel guilty because I did that, I made her cry. I walk to her then and she straightens from the wall and takes a step back but I carry on walking towards her until I'm infront of her and hug her to me, tight.

I feel her body quake and I know she's crying again and I hate myself for that. I hold her as she cries not saying anything. I want her to hear me clearly when I apologise. I pick her up and walk towards the sofa and sit down, having her sit on my lap. She hugs me then as the sobs wrack her body. After a while she calms down but doesn't lift her head that's on my shoulder to look at me, and that's ok because I understand.

"I'm sorry." I say, letting the words hang in the air to see if she will lift her head, she doesn't. "I'm sorry for not listening. I'm sorry I'm trying to force you into marriage when you're not ready. I'm sorry for pulling back. I'm sorry for making you cry. I'm sorry for not seeing your point. I'm sorry for making you cry." She's lifted her head now and is looking at me and tears are still rolling down her face. I wipe the tears away as I carry on telling her how sorry I am.

A part of me wants to justify myself and I will, but not now and not today. This is about her feelings and not mine. I will continue apologising until she tells me enough. But just to lighten up the mood I say to her, "I'm sorry I'm addicted to your pussy. I'm sorry it's all I think about." And she laughs. It's true though, so true she doesn't know. That's why I'm trying to tie her to me anyway I can, because I've become obsessed with her.

"I forgive you." She says to me in a raw voice, one I've never heard and it's so sexy that I wonder how it would sound screaming my name.

"I promise to never do it again. If you don't want to leave work, you don't have to and if you want to wait a bit longer before we get married then I will wait. But I need you to understand that, we're getting married baby, even if it means we wait a hundred years."