Chapter 16: Jade

I wake up with my cheek against Raine’s chest again. Nice and solid, comfortable. I feel safe. The movie ended at some point. He’s asleep too. So, I get up and throw a blanket over him that is on the back of the couch. I kiss him on the cheek and whisper “I love you” in his ear. I will let him sleep. I go out to the living room. Hope and Dad are watching a movie too. I sit down next to Dad, and he wraps his arm around me. “You ready to go sweetie? You look tired.” I nod. “Raine fell asleep a while ago watching Nacho Libre. We will get through the whole movie one day I think.” I tell him with a little smile. He kisses Hope on the cheek and we both say our goodbyes.

On the drive home, Dad starts talking. “I'm sorry if I blindsided you earlier Jade. I just couldn’t stop myself from blurting it all out. I really love her, and Raine. They feel like family already. You know what I mean?” He asks. “I do, I feel the same way. I don’t blame you at all. She is a wonderful woman. I'm happy for you.” I tell him. “I'm so glad. I was a little worried when I saw your face.” Yeah, I must have looked like a dear caught in the headlights. “Just surprised. That’s all.” And completely devastated that the love of my life may be my step brother soon. No big deal, right?

We don’t see them for the next few days. I'm putting finishing touches on my last painting. The auction is next week. Dad is working on a big remodel in Monterey. Hope is working on a novel she has been writing for the last couple of years. And Raine says he’s been hiking and thinking. We text constantly. But haven’t seen each other since the big announcement. I'm starting to get anxious about the enormous “secret spilling” event. I don’t know if we will do it as a group, or one on one. It may be easier for Raine to tell me everything in private. But I really want to hear Hopes side of the story too. Whatever it is, they share this secret together. And it should probably be told that way.

I have been preparing myself with all sorts of scenarios. I have ruled out alien abduction completely. But almost every other possibility is running through my mind. I wish we would just get this over with so that we can move on. I want to help them get passed these demons that they are harboring. Its hanging over us like a dark cloud. I think maybe we are all actually avoiding each other so that nothing will change between us. But it is going to happen sooner or later. We can’t keep prolonging the inevitable. This man who did a number on them must have been a real piece of work. I know that hearing the pain of these two people I have grown to love will be harsh. I want to be strong. I know it will be even harder for them though. So, I will just wait and let it happen when they are ready.

I think my art piece is as good as its going to get. So, I call the director of the shelter and make arrangements to drop this last one off tomorrow. The auction is next Saturday. It’s a really big deal around here. The organizers have worked extremely hard to get some high-quality pieces from local well-known artists. I am privileged to have been asked to participate. My Mom used to donate her work for this same organization before she died. People come from all over California every year to help a good cause and rub elbows with some of the rich and semi-famous people in the art world. I already know a lot of them. And this will be good for my upcoming career. But this auction to me is all about the moms and children who need the help that only this shelter can provide them. Those families who have no one else to turn to. I think of Raine and Hope. How did they do it? Where did they go? Who helped them? I guess I will find out soon enough.

Dad comes home at lunchtime for a change. He asks me to eat with him. We just have some leftover chicken from the night before. But I can see that something is weighing heavily on his mind. Probably the same thing that is on mine. “Dad, do you want to talk about it?” I ask finally. He looks hesitant for a moment and then seems to resign himself to the fact that we can’t keep avoiding it. “I'm really worried about what they are going to say. I know I told them that I can handle it. But what if I can’t? What if it’s something that could harm you? I couldn’t live with myself if something happened to you because of my decision to be with Hope.” His face looks pained and remorseful. I hadn’t been thinking about this at all. I didn’t realize the burden that he has been carrying.

“Dad, life comes with all sorts of what ifs. You could even argue that something could happen to Hope and Raine if you don’t protect them, while right now you are worrying about protecting me. But at this point, I don’t think any of that really matters. I think we have already decided that we are letting them into our lives and that means we fight their battles with them. I know I can’t imagine telling them that this thing is just too much. I couldn’t let you do that. It would crush you. You would have given anything to save Mom. And I think you will give anything to save Hope. Am I right?” He nods. “Yes, I would give anything, but you Jade.”

“I'm also concerned about my reaction to what we are going to hear. I don’t want to be suddenly filled with rage and storming off to go kill someone. I mean, I would never intentionally do that. But I may sure feel like it”, he admits. “Well, maybe you can prepare yourself for that specific reaction. Realize that you are going to feel that way and think about how you could react differently. I'm afraid that I will immediately start crying. So, I am going to try to be calm and not seem as though I can’t handle what they are saying. If they think we can’t take it, they will stop talking. I'm sure of it.”

He takes my hand. “You’re right Jade. We need to make them feel comfortable with their decision to let us in. I can’t go all overprotective on them. I will try to handle my reaction. And you do the same. I think they are avoiding us.” I laugh just a little. “Yeah, I'm pretty sure you are right. Just give it time. They will let us know when they are ready.”