ELLIE
I didn’t hear from Ethan all Sunday. In fact, I spent the entire day trying to ignore my phone to avoid contact with everyone. The truth is, I was afraid that at any moment a message would come through saying that he had left.
I was falling apart inside while, on the outside, I tried to pretend the familiar pain wasn’t slowly consuming me. But this time, I knew it would be much worse. Because I really loved him.
I also couldn’t talk to my best friend because I didn’t want to burden her with my drama when she was living such a wonderful moment. I couldn’t be selfish. No, I wasn’t going to ruin it for her.
So, I had to bear all the agony alone, feeling my heart slowly break. Had I made a mistake? Maybe I shouldn’t have put him on the spot.
But he was being such an idiot. Oh, God! How did we get to this point? We were so happy. Had I ruined everything?
No. I won’t blame myself because it’s not all my fault. If he really loves me, he’ll understand, and we’ll figure out a way to work this out. He won’t leave. He’s not Todd. That shit isn’t going to happen again.
Trying to convince myself of that was the only thing that helped me sleep at night.
But when I woke up the next day, all the nervousness and anxiety returned. He still hadn’t reached out or sent me a message, and it was making me more desperate by the minute. Was he still deciding?
When I got to work, I went straight to my office. I was so nervous that I didn’t know if I would be able to work. I felt like I was about to fall apart at any moment.
Part of me just wanted to go to him and say I’d do whatever it took to make things work, even move apartments. But that was the irrational, dependent part of me that didn’t want to lose him because it didn’t know if it could survive without him.
But I couldn’t allow that. Not anymore. I wasn’t going to prioritize someone who always put work first.
No. I’m not the same dumb Ellie anymore, the one who did everything for a guy who didn’t even commit to the relationship and then left.
Ethan had said he’d learned his lesson the first time. Well, so did I.
I was lost in a mix of horrible feelings when Ana knocked on my door. I told her to come in, trying to hide my state. But unlike the night before, she wasn’t smiling. She seemed worried.
“Good morning.” She approached my desk.
“Good morning! How’s the new mom?” I forced a smile.
“I’m good. So, did you manage to sort things out with Ethan?”
“Don’t worry.”
“Ellie…”
“What?” I felt a lump form in my throat.
Damn. I was trying to hold it together, but I felt the tears welling up in my eyes.
“Tell me what’s going on now!” she demanded, sitting down in the chair in front of my desk.
I closed my eyes, wiping the tears, and taking a deep breath.
“I think it’s over.” The words came out accompanied by more tears, and just saying them hurt like hell.
“Oh, Ellie… why are you saying that?” She got up, walking around the desk to wrap her arms around me.
“I… I told him he had to choose.”
“Choose?”
“I told him if he left, he didn’t need to come back.”
“Calm down. He loves you; I know you’ll work things out.” She stroked my hair.
“No. You don’t understand, if he goes…”
“He won’t abandon you. I know that.”
“He still hasn’t contacted me.” I pulled away, trying to hold back the tears, and she stepped back, going around the desk to sit down again.
“Why don’t you call him?”
“I can’t…”
“I’m going to kill him.” She threatened, turning her attention to her bag, from which she pulled out her phone.
“What are you doing?” I asked, fearing she was planning to call him. “Don’t call him.”
“I’m not. I’m just telling Will to kick his ass,” she said while typing.
“Don’t do that.”
She continued staring at her phone, and suddenly her body tensed up in the chair.
“Damn…” she cursed softly, closing her eyes and shaking her head.
“What is it?”
When she opened them again, and I saw the look of sympathy on her face, my stomach twisted.
“Ana?” I insisted, anxiously, my voice trembling.
She hesitated for a moment before finally saying.
“Will said he left early this morning.”
Hearing the words felt like a punch to the gut. My heart shattered, and I couldn’t hold back the flood of tears. I wanted to scream in rage and pain and, at the same time, curl up.
Clenching my teeth, I refused to cry. The tears streamed down my face, but I kept a hard expression while my chest was devastated by the pain, sinking into the void.
*He’s gone. He didn’t choose me. He doesn’t love me.*
“Ellie… that doesn’t mean…”
“Please, I want to be alone,” I managed to say.
Seeing my state, she didn’t insist. She just stood up and left, leaving me alone.
I got up, walked to the door, and locked it. Taking a deep breath, I leaned against it and broke down, dissolving into tears.
My chest trembled. Sitting on the floor, I couldn’t believe this was really happening.
He’s gone. How could he? That meant he didn’t care enough. That he didn’t love me.
He didn’t choose me. He left, even knowing what it meant.
Once again, it was all a lie.
*Stupid girl. Did you really think he loved you?*
How could I have been so blind? How could I have let the whole story repeat itself?
*You haven’t learned anything. You’re still the same naive fool. You let him into your life and your heart, knowing he could break it. And that’s exactly what he did, once again.*
He decided to move on, without me. Or maybe he’d just decided to go back to his old life. It didn’t matter; now he was completely out of reach.