ETHAN
I had to use all my self-control not to go after her. Damn it. That look... It told me that I had gotten exactly what I wanted. Or what I thought I wanted. Maybe I had just made the biggest mistake of my life.
My instincts told me to run after her, but I couldn’t let them guide my actions anymore. I had to get back to reality. The reality where Ellie wanted a man who could give her everything, and I wasn’t that man. I couldn’t give her what she wanted—I was too fucked up for that.
Letting all those things happen between us was a big mistake. And it was all my fault, for insisting on staying close to her. I should never have let her get that close.
It was never my intention to hurt her. I hated myself for being the reason behind that expression of pain on her face. But I knew that by doing this, I would crush whatever hope she still had. All the hope she’d shown in recent days, which always made me hesitate.
When she cried silently that night in my arms and I couldn’t say or do anything to comfort her, I knew I had to walk away for good. The only thing I could do by staying close to her was hurt her more.
What I did might have been cruel, but it would make her see that she deserved more, that she deserved someone better. And it would show her that I wasn’t who she thought I was. That I wasn’t worthy of any of her feelings.
But now that I had accomplished my goal, I felt like the biggest asshole in the world. A complete piece of shit. And that must have been exactly what my friends were thinking as they shot me looks.
Anna waited just a minute after Ellie left to approach me.
"I want to talk to you, now."
I knew talking wasn’t exactly what she had in mind. She was going to tear me apart. I glanced at the blonde sitting next to me on the couch. I was being a jerk to her too, using Ashley just to push Ellie away.
Bringing her here probably made her think I was interested. She’d be disappointed when I took her home at the end of the night.
"Excuse me," I said to her, and she just smiled and nodded.
I followed Anna down the hallway, each of her steps heavier than the last. I stopped when she did the same in front of me.
"What the hell is wrong with you, thinking you can bring that woman here?"
I didn’t have an answer. And I had expected this reaction, so I just stayed silent. She shook her head, furious.
"She didn’t deserve that. She was willing to risk everything for you. And this is what you do?"
"I can’t give her what she wants..."
"No, you can’t, because you’re a coward! That’s what you are! But that woman… that amazing woman with trauma you can’t even imagine, she was brave. Brave enough not to give up on an idiot like you, when she should’ve just sent you straight to hell. And I... my God! I supported her in that! How could I? Why didn’t I listen to Will?"
"Anna..."
"I want you to leave, and take that woman with you," she growled. "To hell with politeness! To hell with you! You don’t deserve her!"
It looked like she was about to lunge for my throat when Will appeared behind me.
"Calm down, babe." He stepped past me, stopping between the two of us.
His hands rested on Anna’s face.
"Calm down? Don’t you see what this idiot just did?"
"Yes, I know. But she knew all the risks, love."
"Are you defending him? You’ve got to be kidding me! She was about to confess... Oh my God, Will... I have to go see her. I can’t leave her alone."
Anna’s eyes were full of tears, which only proved how strong the bond between the two of them was.
"She’ll be fine. Give her some time." Will pulled her against his chest.
I turned, intending to go back to the living room and leave them alone, but Will’s voice rang out firmly.
"You… where do you think you’re going? We need to talk."
I sighed. Damn it. Great, everyone wanted my head, and I deserved it. Listening to all this in silence was a small punishment compared to what I had just done. Will whispered a few words to Anna before she left us alone, walking past me with a look of hatred.
"Stay away from her," she said through clenched teeth.
Will’s look toward me wasn’t much different from his wife’s. The difference was that if he decided to beat the shit out of me, it would hurt a lot more, and I knew I deserved that too.
"Come on… I’m listening."
"I’m not going to curse you out or repeat all the crap you know you’ve done. I’m just going to remind you that you were warned about this. You knew you shouldn’t get close to her, and that she wasn’t the woman for you, because we both know you’re completely messed up in the head. But you did it anyway. And now you have to fix this mess."
"There’s nothing to fix, Will."
"I’m holding back from punching your face just because I know why you’re acting like a son of a bitch."
"I’m not the guy she thinks I am, and I can’t give her what she needs, you know that."
"Don’t underestimate her. El is very smart and knew exactly what she was getting into. She must also know that you did all this crap just to push her away. But do you really think that was necessary?"
"I needed to push her away, Will, because I don’t know if I could’ve said no to her. Making her hate me is the easiest way to keep her away from me."
"But that’s not what you want, and we both know it. You know you may have just lost her forever, right? And you’re an idiot if you think this made things easier for either of you."
"It’s better this way."
"As much as seeing you suffer would bring me satisfaction, I don’t want to see El suffering because you’re too much of an idiot to put all your crap aside. You’re going to fix this. I don’t know how, but you will. Do you hear me?"
"There’s nothing I can do."
"I don’t care if you have to go to hell to figure it out. Face your damn past and do what you have to do. All your talk about being honest with women doesn’t mean shit if you’re not honest with yourself. Charlotte cheated on you, and now you’re doing the same thing. Cheating yourself out of being who you are, out of letting someone in, because you’re too scared and too much of a coward to risk it."
"Enough, Will."
"The truth hurts, doesn’t it?" He smiled, happy with my suffering. "I’ll give you a few days to fix this. Be quick. Your time is already running out."