CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
Jeremy's fingers trail a path up and down my bare arm. "I have to go out."
It's hours later, around midday I think, and Jeremy and I are back in bed after sex on the couch, the room service he ordered up, followed by more sex in bed.
I'm back to staring at the wall, and he's curved behind me. A veritable wall of heat.
"If you have to," I murmur.
"No trying to run."
At his words, I turn. I'm not angry anymore. I'm not sure what I'm feeling.
For several seconds, I study Jeremy without saying a word. "Why are you so sure I don't hate you?"
He slides his hand around my nape and leans forward to press a kiss to my lips that I return instantly, with no hesitation.
When he pulls back, he's smiling. "Because I know how you feel about me."
He rises from the bed, and I watch him step into his jeans, trying to ignore my body's response to his nakedness.
"And how do I feel about you, Jeremy Stone?"
"How about we talk about it when I get back?"
"Talk about what?"
"Us. I'll bring Jackson over, so you can meet him."
At the shifter's name, I nod. I'm guessing, from the conversations I've overheard, that this shifter-this Jackson is going to be his beta and has been at the Merrick land. "Is he the shifter with the shaggy hair? The one from the hotel foyer?"
And likely the one who saved my life.
Jeremy's eyes darken as if he's remembering it too, only he shakes his head as if he doesn't want to. "Later. If we get into it now, I'll never leave, and I need to."
I lay back down again as I think about that.
The fact Jeremy is talking about the future like that, talking about my feelings with that smile on his face, means he's likely started reading my emotions through the mate bond, even if I still can't read him.
Only, I don't feel anything. All I have to hold on to is my fear about the future, a certainty that my nightmares are waiting for me around the corner, and the sense that I've missed my chance to run.
If I left, Jeremy would find me in hours.
I was a stranger in Chicago, and he tracked me down to small-town Hardin in a couple of months.
There's no doubt in my mind that he will find me.
I could try rejecting the mating again, but the thought fills me with a pain I'm not ready to embrace. Making myself do it before was hard enough that I don't think I can again.
"You're thinking too hard," Jeremy says, perching on the edge of the bed in a t-shirt, jeans, and boots.
He smooths the hair away from my face as I stare up at him. "How can you be so sure everything will work out? How do you know?"
"Because I have you."
I can't even begin to understand what he means.
"But we want different things. You want to be alpha of your own pack in Dawley, and I want…" My voice trails off.
"Do I?" Jeremy asks, wearing an unreadable expression. "You sure about that, sweet?"
"Well, yeah. Why else are we here?"
"Why indeed?" He bends and presses a kiss to my lips. "How about you think about that, and think about what you want while I'm out, 'cause this isn't the first time I'm sensing you're not as sold on this Paris thing as you'd like me to believe?"
I open my mouth to deny it.
"Just think about it. And we'll talk. I'll even park the alpha dick attitude outside while we do it."
My lips curve in a reluctant smile. But then I remember what my life is going to look like, and how trapped I'll be in Dawley. And then there are the nightmares.
My smile falls away and I sigh.
Jeremy examines me in silence for a beat before speaking. "We're so good at the sex, I think we skipped over the rest of it, didn't we?"
I blink up at him. "What?"
"The talking and the listening part."
Since I never expected him to be the one to bring it up, I don't really know what to say, even if what he's saying is true.
We don't talk.
We have hot sex that makes me crave him more and more, and we might joke a little with each other, that's it. Mostly we fuck, or we argue. Which is… weird that I never picked up on that before.
I sigh again before turning over, pretending that I'm going back to sleep. "Well, that's what you get when you mate some random hook-up in a bar," I tell him. "An unhealthy relationship."
"Random hook-up, huh?" Jeremy murmurs, bending down to kiss my neck.
Then, before I can stop him, his hand lands on my ass hard enough to hurt.
"Hey! Don't do that again."
He rubs the sting of his slap away, even as I'm shoving at him. That and trying desperately to hide the tiniest spark of arousal at him doing it.
"Play your cards right, and I'll kiss it better."
I pause to consider just what he intends to kiss better, but then he presses another kiss on my brow this time and rises.
"Where are you going and why aren't I coming with you?" I shout belatedly before he steps out.
When Jeremy turns around, his eyes are glinting with an intensity that makes me nervous. "I have to see to something. Won't take long. Sleep. Order room service. I'll be back soon."
For five minutes, I lay in bed thinking about where Jeremy went, and whether it has anything to do with the guy who stabbed me since there was more than a hint of hungry anticipation in his eyes.
I decide to get up and grab a shower since it feels like all I've been doing lately is sleep. That or have sex with Jeremy.
As I'm in the shower, I think about all the things that happened in Hardin, and about how I failed Dayne, and how I failed the pack. Yet I'm now going to be put in the position of leading one as Luna?
Although Dayne never blamed me for what happened, I was the only alpha in the house, and I was the only one to survive. It shouldn't have been me. I should've fought to my last breath to save Bridget and Angel and the others, but I didn't.
I don't deserve to be in any pack, least of all to be responsible for one.
And to think that I snapped at Talis when I let the weakest of our pack die.
Not die. Killed. And you didn't do a thing to stop it.
I bow my head against the shower wall as the tears fall.
Finally, minutes later, once I've I feel all cried out, I finish up my shower and return to the bedroom to dress in jeans, a cotton blouse, and a pair of boots.
It doesn't take long.
I don't bother drying my hair. It'll take too long. So, I run a brush through it and quickly braid it.
Stopping to do my makeup feels like too much of a waste of time when Jeremy could be back any minute, so I ignore the few bits of makeup I brought with me from Hardin.
It takes even less time to grab my purse and stuff it with my phone, a couple of changes of clothes, and then I force myself to walk to the front door and step out.
I'll be doing Jeremy a favor.
I can't be the Luna he and his pack will need, so I'll leave. And he's right about this Paris job. I don't know if it's what I want, so I won't go. Even if it was, I couldn't now anyway, not when Paris will be the first place Jeremy will look for me.
If I hide well enough, then maybe he'll look for me for a couple of months, and then the needs of his pack will call him back and he'll return to Dawley, meet some nice shifter girl, and he can build a life for himself without me.
Yet why does the thought of Jeremy being with someone else feel like being stabbed all over again?
Although the staff manning the front desk look surprised to see me, no one tries to stop me as I step out and start for the line of taxis in the distance.
A car starts up beside me, and the door swings open. "Excuse me, I'm looking for a restroom," a woman says. "Can you help?"
I turn to her with a smile. "Sure, there's one-"
A woman with a short dark bob and mean eyes stabs me in the arm with something sharp. I suck in a breath and start backing away, only I don't get far. The world turns hazy, and I get a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach.
Then I realize the woman has no scent.
Merrick pack.
I sag, and she wraps her arm around me and shoves me in the car idling beside her.
I don't know if it's her or someone else who stabs me in the back of my neck as I fight to get up.
With a soft sigh, my eyelids flutter shut, and everything goes black.