I was tired of crying and suffering for a whole month for someone who didn't care about me. And as soon as Julie opens her mouth, I understand the reason for her question:
''And have you called Chris yet?''
I turn around and roll my eyes. Julie continues:
''I know, Molly, but seeing you with another guy makes me realize that you've moved on and are over what you've been.''
Why is it so important that Chris and I are okay with you? We never got along!
''I told you, he was devastated by the whole thing, he's a nice guy, you've seen it many times, you know Chris been through it too, he could help you and...''
I interrupt her:
''I don't think I need his help, Julie, and you know the reason.''
''Okay, let's forget about that for now. After all, he is almost back, and I know that at some point or another, you nee going to have to talk.''
Hearing you say he is coming back affects me in a way I don't want to.
...
''Come in! Hi Jack! How are you?''
It's great that my best friend likes the guy I'm staying with, she didn't seem that comfortable when I met Colin, but that's in the past, I don't want to remember it anymore.
Julie and Jack decided to make a lasagna for dinner. Being with a guy who likes to cook also has advantages.
When you let go of the whole falling in love with someone to be with them, even if you only get one and don't get attached, you have to find some qualities like this. Otherwise, it doesn't work.
As he bends down to put the pan in the oven, Julie looks at me, catches me looking at his buttocks, and says softly, "excellent," which makes me laugh.
It is almost night, and we are standing in the kitchen contemplating their work on a perfect lasagna. Julie says:
''Excellent!''
And she looks at me, and I hold back a laugh. Jack looks at me confused, and I find it funny, so I hug him and give him a quick kiss, and as soon as I pull away, he keeps his hand around my waist.
Julie says she will get a knife, but we hear a noise at the door. We look in that direction, and my eyes meet who I least wanted to see right now, and my heart reacts in a way I don't like.
He hugs Julie and smiles, not that smile he always has, and I catch myself hating to remember the way he smiles, which leaves the damn dimple.
I take a deep breath and focus on what I've been feeling for him these past few days, anger, which isn't so great anymore, but I've been doing everything I can to keep him alive.
He then looks at me, lowering his eyes to my waist where Jack is holding me, then back to my face and says:
''Hi, Molly.''
I say a dull hello, and Julie jumps into our midst so as not to make it more awkward:
''This is Jack, Molly's friend.''
I get annoyed with her now, but Jack doesn't care, extends his hand, and greets Chris.
...
We're at the table now, it's weird, but I look at Jack and Julie eating so eagerly that I can barely push any of it off. Chris didn't want to eat and went straight to his room, saying he needed a shower.
And I hate being at a table with a friend telling jokes and a wonderful, sexy, catty guy while we eat something I usually love and yet be thinking about another guy I should be hating right now.
But when I saw him, I only noticed that he didn't have the same smile as always.
... Chris...
I'm not going to say that it was the best thing to see Molly with that guy in the world.
It wasn't the best thing in the world.
I could have sworn I would find her the way I left her. I'd instead find her the way I left her: very angry at me, angry at that asshole, and mad at the world, but at least she'd be alone.
If only I had found her the way I left her, but no. She's nothing like the way I left her.
She's nothing like I imagined. She looks great, and she has back that smile I wanted so badly to see these days and the various ways I planned to be the reason for it somehow.
I am an asshole!
I repeat several times to myself under the shower.
Now I don't know what to do. I don't know what to do. I had plans.
And how I had plans to do everything I could to make Molly understand that it wasn't my fault, that it wasn't or isn't my fault at all.
I know she somehow wants to blame me and make me feel guilty for something I didn't do as if she wants a reason to hate me.
I don't blame her. I have always acted like an idiot with her. That was always my plan to keep her away, and well, now it's working. A little late because what I wanted least right now was for her to hate me.
...
After staring at me with a frightened face, she says:
''Oh, no.''
She's going to close the door. I'll hold it.
Now, I would like to know what I am doing at the door of her apartment at this hour. And well...
I don't know.
I want to go in, but she won't let me.
''I need to talk to you, Molly.''
''At 1:30 in the morning, Chris?''
I look around and say:
''Yeah.''
She rolls her eyes and goes to close the door again as she says:
''You're crazy.''